Page 53 of Nicki's Fight

“I’m so sorry for the wait, guys, what can I get you?” our server asked in a rushed, slightly out of breath voice.

“I think I’d like the…” I looked up at him, and everything froze. That face. Iknewthat face. I knew it like I knew my own heartbeat, which was currently pounding in my chest so hard I thought I was going to pass out.

“…Nicki.” I whispered.

The roaring sound that filled my head kept me from hearing anything after that. I stared at him, his red hair tousled, his blue eyes wide as he took in my face.

Dominic Rowen Terhune. The boy who had stolen my heart, promised he would always be there for me, then left me. Just like everyone left me.

We locked gazes and I saw his pale skin go practically white, before starting to turn a bright pink.

“Kaine,” he whispered finally. That look seemed to last an eternity and a split second, all in one. I could have studied his face for hours.

He’d gotten taller, if the sight of him next to Lee was any comparison. Despite his growth, though, he looked like he had lost weight. He was wearing a long-sleeved shirt with the restaurant logo on it. His hair was longer than I remembered him ever having it, almost covering his ears. His dad had always made him cut it short whenever it got this long.

Lee kept sending me concerned looks as he talked to Nicki, but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. I could barely hear them talk over the roaring sound in my ears. Here he was, the man I had loved for years, in the flesh. He must have been back in the area for a while now, to be working here. He’d never called. Never written. Fuck, never even sent up a goddamn smoke signal to let me know he was back. As I sat there, I couldn’t look away, but I couldn’t respond, either. I was so… angry. Furious. It was all I could do to keep myself from throttling him right then, I was grasping the menu like it was a lifeline. Like the guardrail on that bridge. If I wasn’t cautious, I was going to free fall into oblivion. There was no tiny kitten to save me this time.

I finally heard my brother speak.

“Kaine, what did you want?”

It was like saying my name had broken some kind of spell. The roaring stopped, but left a ringing in my ears that was almost as bad. I was not going to strangle him. He wasn’t worth it.

I forced myself to relax my grip on the menu and set it down on the table. My grip had been so tight, my hands hurt. The pain was helpful, though. It let me focus on the here and now, and not the feelings I’d had for the last six years.

“Kaine?” Lee asked again, softly.

“I… I’m sorry. I can’t…” I paused, taking a deep breath. “I can’t do this.”

Nausea ripped through me and I was suddenly glad we hadn’t eaten yet. I slid out of the booth and bolted for the restaurant door.

I ran across the lot until I reached a low stone wall that separated the parking area from the Circle. I had just stepped up on it when I heard Lee calling my name. I froze. The wall was only a couple of feet high, but it reminded me too much of that night on the bridge. I paced back and forth across it until my brother got there. He climbed up next to me, reaching out to squeeze my shoulder gently.

“I take it you didn’t know?” he asked.

I just shook my head numbly.

“Nope,” I finally answered, my voice bitter even to my own ears. “Last I heard from him, his family was living in Tampa. About a month after he moved, h-he asked me to stop calling him. He said it would be… better… if we made a clean break.”

“Fuck,” Lee said. He wrapped his arms around me and tugged me close.

I couldn’t move. All the strength, all the energy, all the will had suddenly fled my body. The pain in my chest hurt so bad, I couldn’t see, I could barely even breathe. I took a breath, and it came out as a sob.

“He left me, Lee,” I said, my voice muffled against his broad chest. “He left me. Like everyone leaves me.”

The tears let loose, standing just outside of traffic, the breeze of each car’s passing tugging at our clothes like errant children. I cried, heartbreak pulling at me. He’d left me, and even when he’d come back, I hadn’t even been worth a phone call.

Lee held me until the sobs slowed, speaking into my ear a string of nonsense words and phrases he’d used to comfort me when I woke from my own nightmares as a kid, before the terrified compulsion I’d have to check on every member of our family to make sure they hadn’t disappeared.

“It’s okay, Kaine. We’ll figure this out. It’ll be okay,” he said, but I didn’t believe it. It was never going to be okay. I knew that.

After a while, I calmed, the emotional storm passing as I struggled to rebuild my shields.

“Um, suddenly, I’m not that hungry. Mind if we head home?” I asked, wiping my face uselessly with my hands.

“Sure thing, bro,” he answered. “Stay here, I’ll get the car.”

Lee picked me up at the end of the parking lot and drove me home in silence. When he pulled the car up next to the house, I reached to open the door.