Page 38 of Nicki's Fight

I watched Kaine walk away from the car. I had known, at least theoretically, that I could run into him or a member of his family now that I was back in Akron. I mean, therewereten of them… I still had his old phone number and had even driven past his home once since I’d been back in Akron. I just hadn’t gathered the courage I needed to stop at the house or try and contact him. And here the Universe was putting him right in fucking front of me.

I stalled, though. I mean, what did I say? “Hey, sorry I dumped you, but it’s because I agreed to let my dad use me as a human punching bag so he didn’t hurt my mom?” Who would even believe that?

Kaine had called me every week without fail, but since my mom had left, I’d started avoiding his calls. I knew he would know that something was wrong, and I didn’t know how to tell him about the devil’s deal I’d made with my father.

Dad and I had just finished dinner one evening when the phone rang. We both knew who it was, because Kaine always called me on Friday nights at seven o’clock. I’d stood to go answer the phone when my Dad stopped me.

“Tell him to stop callin’,” he commanded, his eyes glued to his paper.

“What?” I’d asked in surprise. My father’s hand had flashed out and slapped the side of my head hard enough for tears to spring to my eyes. It was only a few days since he had first started taking his frustrations out on me, and the blow scared me as much as anything.

“I’m sorry!” I called out, trying to back away from him, but he grabbed me with his other hand. I hadn’t learned yet that running from him didn’t offer any refuge.

“I said, tell him tostopcalling. I don’t want him and your rainbow-y friends calling the house all hours of the day and night,” my father snapped.

“He—he doesn’t! He only ever calls on Friday nights at seven because of the long distance—” I started. Another blow landed, even harder this time.

“Youlistento me, boy! You dowhatI say,whenI say. That was our agreement, right?” My father stood and pulled me up until my feet were almost dangling off the floor and I was having a hard time breathing. The phone stopped ringing.

“You call him back, right now, and you tell him you don’t ever want to hear from him again,got it? Or I’ll be making a trip back home and make sure he never callsanyoneagain. ”

I nodded, my heart pounding with fear. He’d released me and I’d walked shakily to the phone. I didn’t want to do it. Kaine had been my lifeline, and I’d been his. Some part of me had hoped that maybe we’d be able to find some way out of this, together. I was also terrified about what would happen to him if I broke things off with him. I knew how fragile Kaine’s emotional state could be.

I could feel my father's eyes on me as I picked up the phone. I knew I had to do it. I couldn’t put Kaine’s life in danger, not when I could prevent it. This was the only way I could protect him, as well as my mom. I was afraid of how he would react when I told him. I knew he would think he was being abandoned again, and I swallowed hard as I picked up the handset. I didn’t know for sure what would happen to Kaine if I called, but I did know what would happen to him and my mother if I didn't.

“Hey, it’s me,” I said as he picked up, my voice shaky. Dad sat back down at the table, but he kept his eyes glued to mine.

“Dude! I just tried to call you! Where were you?” he asked. I could hear the smile in his voice and my stomach sank. I could hear the Devereaux clan in the background, the sounds of dishes clinking and kids arguing. I figured Kaine must not be on dishes duty this week, which meant he was staying out of trouble.

“I— I couldn’t get to the phone in time,” I said hoarsely, my eyes flitting to my father nervously.

“It's okay,” he answered. “You sound like you’ve got a cold. How are you doing? How was your week? You’re not sick again, are you?”

“Um, it was okay,” I said. I could hear the worry in his voice, and my mind was racing as I tried to figure out what to say to him that he would believe. Kaine noticed my hesitation and his cheerful patter paused.

“Nicki, what’s wrong?” He asked, his voice filled with concern.

“Um, nothing,” I said, keeping my eyes on my father. Fuck. “I— I just need you to stop calling.”

Silence met my words but even five states away I could his heart break. The man I loved, the man I had to protect from the shit show that my life had become.

“Kaine— Kaine I love you. I will always love you. I just— I can’t love you… rightnow,” I managed to get out.

“That makesnosense, Nicki,” he sobbed into the phone.

“I know…” I whispered. “I’m sorry.”

My father had gestured at me to end the call, so I did. I hung up the phone and broke both of our hearts.

Back in the present, I watched Kaine walk away from the car. It wasn’t until Vivian got in and asked me what was wrong that I realized I had been crying.

8

Kaine

When I wokeMonday morning it was to the fishy breath of Bottles puffing away against my face, but even though I was exhausted I couldn’t get mad at her.

Bottles and I were besties. She had lived with us for almost six years and had been a literal lifesaver for me.