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Holland

T he moment I step out of the lecture hall, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I don’t need to look to know who it’s from.

ColdAsIce17.

My steps falter, and I veer off to the side of the building, letting the flow of students sweep past me. The preview of his message flashes on the screen, sending a ripple of something familiar and unsettling through me.

He’s been my secret lifeline for months. The one person I can talk to about anything without fear or judgment.

But now?

Now there’s Bridger.

My chest tightens as I tap the screen and open the message, bracing myself for whatever comes next.

ColdAsIce17

Hey, stranger. Just checking in to make sure everything’s good.

The text stares back at me, and my thumbs hesitate over the keyboard. For the first time since we started this back-and-forth, I don’t know how to respond. It feels… complicated.

Everything in my life is complicated.

Bridger and I are a tangled mess of secrets, trust issues, and a chemistry so intense it burns. Yet here I am, holding on to something with Ice that feels simpler.

Or at least it used to.

I type out a response before deleting it.

Then another.

ColdAsIce17

You there?

My pulse skitters, and before I can talk myself out of it, I type back.

Me

Yeah, I’m here. Everything has been a grind. You know how it is.

His response comes instantly.

ColdAsIce17

I get it. Just know I’m here if you need me.

A familiar warmth seeps through my body. What doesn’t make sense is that it feels like I’m betraying Bridger.

But how can I betray something when it’s never been defined?

Bridger still doesn’t trust me.

Me

Thanks. That means a lot.

ColdAsIce17

Sure you’re okay? You sound off.

The weight of his words presses down on me. I pause, trying to come up with what to say. I could brush him off and keep it casual or I could admit the truth.

Me

I’m just trying to figure things out.

ColdAsIce17

Ah, one of those phases.

Me

You have no idea.

ColdAsIce17

Try me.

I stare at the screen, my throat tightening. There’s no way I can tell him what’s really going on. That I’ve been falling for Bridger in real life while growing closer to ColdAsIce17 online. That it’s starting to feel like I’m being split in two.

Me

Just the usual. Life. School. People being people.

ColdAsIce17

Hmmm. Sounds suspiciously vague. Want to get specific, or should I start guessing?

I huff out a laugh despite myself. He always knows how to cut through my BS. It might be the reason this feels so hard.

Instead of coming clean, I turn the question around on him.

Me

What about you? You’ve been awfully quiet.

It’s only after typing the comment that I realize how true it is. He’s been just as MIA. But I haven’t noticed because I’ve been spending so much time with Bridger.

It makes me wonder…

The dots appear, then disappear, and my stomach knots as I wait.

ColdAsIce17

There’s just been a lot of shit to figure out.

It’s cautiously that I type out my reply.

Me

Kind of sounds like we’re in the same place.

ColdAsIce17

Maybe we are.

I grip my phone tighter, my thumbs moving before I can think.

Me

Anything you want to bring to the circle of trust?

ColdAsIce17

That’s a loaded question.

Me

How so?

ColdAsIce17

I think I’ll save it for another day.

I bite my lip, deciding not to push it any further. That’s never been our relationship.

Me

Just know I’m here for you if or when you need it.

ColdAsIce17

Thanks. It’s exactly what I needed to hear.

Me

Whatever is going on, you’ll make the right decision.

When the dots appear again, I hold my breath.

ColdAsIce17

Have I mentioned that you’re good people?

Me

Maybe once or twice. I’ll try not to let the compliment go to my head.

ColdAsIce17

You should. It’s the truth. Thanks for being you.

The words hit like a punch to the gut, and I stare at them, my emotions spinning. How ironic is it that Ice and I are both confused and opting to pull back just a bit to get some perspective?

Me

It’s easy when you’re the one on the other side.

As I stare at the message, I have to wonder if I actually miss him or the simplicity of our conversations, the anonymity of them. The freedom to be honest in a way I can’t be with most people. With Ice, there were no complicated feelings. No walls to break through or awkward silences to fill.

I hate how tangled everything now feels.

As soon as I hit send, a familiar voice cuts through my thoughts, and my head snaps up to find Garret, his expression carefully guarded. I shove my phone into my pocket and force a small smile.

“Hey, Garret. What’s up?”

“I was hoping we’d run into each other.” He stops in front of me, dragging a hand through his hair. “Do you have a moment to talk?”

“Umm.” I hitch my backpack higher on my shoulder. “I was just headed to the library to study for a test. Could we find a different time to meet up?”

His face falls in disappointment as he shifts. “Oh.” There’s a pause as he tilts his head. “It seems like you’ve been avoiding me lately.”

I glance away. The last thing I want to do is lie. “I’m sorry. You’re right, I have been. With everything going on, it just felt easier.”

He steps closer. “You mean because you’re with Bridger?”

“Yeah.”

His shoulders fall. “I’d really like the chance to explain some things to you. I promise, I won’t take up too much of your time.”

As much as I don’t want to sit down with Garret, maybe it’s better to get it over with. Even if Bridger weren’t in the picture, I don’t see Garret as anything more than a friend.

And that’s not going to change.

Against my better judgment, I nod. “Fine. Lead the way.”

His lips lift into a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Let’s take my car.”