Page 108

T itus was most impressed with Aunt Adeline’s efforts.

After he’d told his aunt the tale of the masked woman who’d captivated his thoughts, she suggested hosting another masquerade.

Titus had never imagined that Aunt Adeline could not only plan a masquerade, but arrange for food and entertainments, and have nearly everyone invited accepting the invitation, all within a span of a couple of days. It was most impressive, indeed.

Tonight was the night his goddess would be unmasked. Aunt Adeline and Flora were certain she would arrive with one of the families invited. He hoped they were correct.

Throughout the day, he’d tried to keep his mind distracted, focusing on a different task—namely making a list of eligible men for Portia.

He glanced down at the sheaf of paper. Not one name had he written. Perhaps after this evening, his thoughts would become clearer and he could add a name. He still could not comprehend what his reluctance to aiding her was.

Portia is…

No . He stopped that thought from forming.

Why won’t you let her in?

Too many years have passed.

He was growing weary of these arguments with himself.

Perhaps if he could have reconciled with the past, there might have been a future, but some things were probably for the best. He didn’t want to hurt Portia any more than he already had.

He would assist her in finding a proper husband, and then… then what?

Before he could contemplate the question, Grove entered his study. “You have a visitor.” Titus raised his gaze, wondering why his long-time, straight-to-the-point butler was being so cryptic. “It’s your mother.” The words were a punch to his gut.

The room began to spin as the words sunk into his brain. Mother . He hadn’t seen the woman in nearly seventeen years when she’d left him and Father for her lover. Why did she have to choose today of all days to darken his doorstep?

He thought about sending her away, but one thing he did remember about her was that she was relentless when she wanted something. Best to get this over and done with now, then you’ll be free of the past .

“Show her in.”

Titus stood and came around to the other side of the desk, and waited.

Several minutes later, she walked into the room, wearing all black, clearly in mourning. Was it for her lover? Gone were the youthful features he’d known, but her eyes… her dark brown eyes were still the same.

“Thank you for seeing me, Titus. I was?—”

“What do you want?” The words sounded harsh even to his own ears, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care to care, not after what she’d done.

She worried her black gloved hands. “I… I want to be part of your life again.” Although her words sounded sincere, he would not be fooled by them again.

“Why now? Did your lover leave you?” he spat out the words contemptuously.

“There never was a lover. I have been faithful to your father since the day we married.” For the second time in a short span, he felt as if he’d been punched in the gut, the wind knocked out of him.

He muttered the only word he could formulate, her confession shocking the hell out of him. “What?”

“I know you probably despise me.” She shook her head as her shoulders slumped. “Truth be told, I despise myself.” Titus didn’t say a word, but waited for her to explain. “I shouldn’t have left the way I did all those years ago.”

“So, you don’t regret leaving Father and me, just how you did it?” Incredulous. What would she reveal next?

“Please, Titus,” she started, as she took a step toward him.

He crossed his arms, protecting his heart. He would hear her out and finally have peace. “Say what you want, then leave.”

“I will explain, but I will never leave you again. It has taken me a long time to reason with the past, to garner the courage to come here, and I will never leave you again,” she repeated, her words firm and full of determination.

He’d never recalled her speaking in such a way.

“When I married your father, it was not for love, or even a title or wealth. It was to escape.”

“Escape? From?—”

“My father.” Her eyes lowered, staring at the ground. Her chest rose and fell as she seemed to be working through the demons of long ago. Titus didn’t know what to do, and so, he just stood there, waiting for her to explain. “He… he was not a kind man. He… he hurt me in ways I can never tell you.”

Understanding of what she was implying shook him to his very core as pain over what she’d obviously endured struck his heart. No woman deserved such treatment. So many questions stormed his mind, but in the end, he settled on the one that offered the fewest details. “Did Father know?”

She nodded her head. “He married me knowing the horrible truth. He thought he could erase it by showering me with gifts, but the nightmares grew. I… I didn’t know what to do.

All I knew is that I had to escape.” She took a cautious step forward.

“It’s not that I wanted to leave you or your father, but I had to.

I needed to leave England, to run from the painful memories.

I was scared and unsure, and hurting so much, and could not believe that I was good enough to be loved by William and you.

I made up the story about the lover and left.

” She shook her head as tears filled her eyes.

“But your demons always find you. They chase you down and find you, try to destroy you.”

Titus understood that all too well. It suddenly dawned on him he’d been so consumed by what he’d thought was the truth as to why his mother had abandoned him, that his life views had been tainted, the fear of not being wanted hardening his heart when things went wrong.

For far too long, he’d missed out on the joy, the friendship, and the love that had been right in front of him.

“It has taken a long time to be able to confront the past, accept it and all the mistakes I’ve made.

I’ve already lost William.” She worried her hands once more as she inhaled a shaky breath.

“I don’t want to lose you, too. I know I don’t deserve a second chance, but I desperately want one, my son. ” Her words were full of nervous hope.

A second chance . Wasn’t that what life was about? Making mistakes and having the opportunity to fix them? His father had never spoken ill of Mother, in fact, had often made excuses for her saying that she needed to heal. Had it been his way of preparing Titus for this moment?

Snippets of conversations with his father stormed to the forefront of his mind, begging for attention, for understanding.

Your mother needs time to heal... Never doubt how much your mother loves you…

I believe time will tell a different story.

It would take time to recover, to let go, and Titus didn’t know if he was strong enough to go at it alone.

You’re not alone. There’s…. he shook that thought away, for now at least. For far too long, he’d let assumptions of the past dictate his course.

First, he needed to start to make amends with his mother before he could think about the future.

He nodded his head, afraid to speak, afraid of past wounds reopening.

“Thank you, Titus.”

W ith her plan firm in her mind, Portia sat on the bed and waited. She’d packed what little funds she had, an extra change of clothes, her father’s favorite book, and the sketches from her nephews into her traveling valise, knowing that she might never see the other items in her trunk again.

She’d decided that, at the first opportunity, hopefully at a crowded coaching inn, she would sneak away from Lord Webber, journey back to London, and ask Lady Swan for assistance.

For a brief moment, she’d considered asking Lady Whitby, but because of all that had happened with Titus, Portia knew she had no other choice.

She didn’t know if this would work, but it was worth a try.

There was no other person she could turn to.

Titus .

No .

She suspected he was angry with her over her plea to him.

And what help could he offer her now? Even though he’d agreed to aid her, he had not provided her with a list of suitable gentlemen.

He had not even been able to provide one gentleman’s name.

And after tonight, even if she managed to escape, she would be ruined.

No, Lady Swan was her only hope. Perhaps the influential lady could provide a reference so she could become a governess, preferably far from Town.

“Now, that’s a good little sister,” Judith said as she strolled into the room dressed in an elaborate costume that made her look far more regal than she really was. “You’ve finally done as you’re told.”

Portia would not give Judith the satisfaction of a response.

She stood, grabbed her reticule and small traveling valise, then waved her hand toward the door, indicating she was ready to depart.

If nothing else, she would be free from her four half-siblings and their children. A sudden pain struck her heart.

Albert and the twins .

She might never see them again. Hot tears stung the corner of her eyes at that realization. She sucked in her breath and blinked them away. She would find a way to see them, or at the very least discover a way to know if they were doing well. However, that was a task for another day.

Concentrate on the plan .

“Stop dilly-dallying,” Judith ordered. “Lord Webber is waiting.”

Before too long, Portia was ensconced in the baron’s carriage, her single trunk strapped to the roof, and they were traveling out of London at a slow pace. She said a silent prayer, hoping there would be an opportunity to enact her escape plan.