Page 6

Chapter Five

Dammit.

I’m awake.

Darkness recedes, giving way to unwanted consciousness.

There isn’t even a moment of feeling like I’m normal.

I know I’m a monster, and this is my hell.

I’m back in the guest room, on the same bed, with the same thick bands of metal shackling my wrists and ankles.

My throat is raw, like I’ve been screaming for hours, though I don’t remember making a sound.

I remember blood.

I remember death.

I remember Costin’s face, watching me with horror and regret.

Or was it pity and guilt?

I flex my hands, remembering the feel of bones cracking and the squish of…

Oh, gross, what have I done?

That’s not me.

I can’t be me.

I didn’t…

I try to lift my arms, but the chains stop me.

I lift my head, half-expecting to find my hands still covered in goblin blood, but they’re clean.

Someone has bathed and dressed me in a white cotton gown.

White?

That seems like a bad joke.

I’m hardly pure and at the rate I’m going it’ll be stained the second they release me.

At this point being handled while unconscious is the last of my worries.

It’s better than waking up drenched in the evidence of my brutality.

“Kill me,” I whisper, not expecting an answer.

“I remember that feeling. Don’t worry, it passes.”

The voice doesn’t belong to Costin or my family.

It’s smooth and feminine, with a slight European accent I can’t quite place.

I turn my head to find a woman perched elegantly in a chair near the window, her posture so perfect it makes my spine ache just looking at her.

Costin’s bitch sister, Elizabeth.

“Soon you’ll just want to kill everyone else,” she continues.

There is a resignation to her sad tone.

I don’t buy it.

I doubt the vampire feels such things.

If she’s sad, it’s because her scheming didn’t work out.

The last time I saw Elizabeth was at the failed ritual.

Diana had launched her into a column by channeling Draakmar’s magic.

Costin used the opportunity to subdue his sister by her throat.

He had the chance to end her schemes, to avenge everyone she’d hurt.

I remember her taunting him through bloody lips, “Do it. Finish what you started all those centuries ago.”

But he couldn’t.

He couldn’t kill her.

Just like he couldn’t let me die.

Now she’s sitting here in Costin’s house like she’s the guest of honor at a blood-soaked tea party.

My teeth sharpen in response to her presence.

The mortal in me wants to give up, but the monster fights to live.

“Come to finish the job?”

“Is that any way to greet family?” Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes.

“After all, you are from my bloodline now.”

“You’re not my family.”

“Ah, now, don’t be like that.” She stands and lifts her arms to the side.

“Give grandma a hug.”

“Fuck off.” I pull at the chains, feeling the metal cut into my skin.

She tried to kill me.

She tried to kill Diana and Paul.

Elizabeth drops her arms and laughs.

She waves a dismissive hand.

“Calm down. I’m not some goblin you can tear apart. Besides, I’m here to help.”

“Help?” I snort in disbelief.

“The only thing you could offer is to leave and never come back. How did you get in here?”

“Good servants are so hard to find.” She touches the corner of her lip before rubbing her fingertips together.

“Where’s Costin? He wouldn’t let you anywhere near me.”

She walks to a small table and lifts a wine bottle from a bucket of ice.

She stabs her fingernail into the cork and pulls it out.

Sniffing the top she smiles before pouring red liquid into a glass.

I instantly smell the blood and hunger curls through me.

“My dear brother is busy cleaning up his mess with the council. Well, technically, it’s your mess, but since he made you they’ll blame him. Seems they don’t appreciate hybrid monsters tearing apart other supernatural creatures, even ones as lowly as goblins.”

I remember what Costin told me about their shared past.

Elizabeth was only fourteen when he arranged her marriage to a nobleman who turned out to be a vampire.

Marcus killed her after forcing her to watch him impale her lover.

She was nineteen and pregnant when she was turned.

No fetus would survive the transition.

Afterward, she sired Costin as revenge or perhaps as a twisted way to keep her only family with her forever.

Their history is a tragedy that’s played out over centuries.

No wonder he can’t bring himself to destroy her, despite everything she’s done.

“My dear simple brother...” Elizabeth muses, watching me over the rim of her glass as she swirls the blood.

“First he sold me to a monster, and now he’s turned you into one. Being a female in his orbit isn’t exactly the safest place, is it?”

“At least he didn’t mean to hurt me,” I say, defending him despite my anger.

“Unlike you, who tried to sacrifice me on an altar.”

“Next to an altar, not on it,” she corrects.

“Don’t be so dramatic. It’s the past.”

“It was days ago,” I grumble, gritting my teeth.

I ball my fist and wait for her to come close enough to grab.

“You survived. We shook up the supernatural world. Tell me you don’t feel all the released magic floating around in the air just waiting to be claimed? Admit it.” She grins.

“You’re having fun.”

“Nothing about this is fun.”

Her smile drops in annoyance.

She sets down her glass of blood.

“Stop whining. You survived. We shook up the magical world, which desperately needed a transformation.”

I stare at her.

“I’m here to talk about the future,” she says.

I wait for the punchline.

“He couldn’t kill me when he had the chance,” Elizabeth continues, “just as he couldn’t let you die. That’s my brother’s greatest weakness.”

“Love?”

“Sentiment.” Elizabeth smiles and again takes the glass of blood to sniff it.

“He will spend the rest of his days trying to atone for his sins. You may find it romantic now, but soon the remains of your humanity will fade, and you will grow to resent how weak he truly is.”

“Why are you here, Elizabeth?” I pull at my wrist, only managing to cut myself on the edge of the shackle.

It doesn’t release me.

She downs the blood in one gulp and gives a small sigh.

“He always did stock the clean stuff.”

“What do you want?” I enunciate.

“I’m going to offer you a way out of your,” she leans toward me and gives me a once over, “predicament.”

My stomach twists.

I should tell her to take a flying leap into a vat of acid but can’t force the words.

I want to hear what she has to say.

She sits next to my thigh, keeping just out of my reach.

“I can undo what’s been done to you. Unchecked, it’s unlikely your sanity will survive what’s happening. I can purge the vampire blood from your system or neutralize the werewolf venom. I can do both and make you human again, though I have no idea why anyone would choose option number three. Humanity is so… messy.”

“Go away.” I avert my gaze from her.

She’s lying.

This is just another game for her to alleviate her centuries-old boredom.

“I’m serious,” she insists.

“I’ve spent centuries studying blood magic. I understand the transformation process better than anyone.”

“Why would you help me?” I shouldn’t play along.

She’s lying.

She has to be.

There is no cure.

Everyone knows that.

“Perhaps I see myself in you.” Her eyes hold mine.

“Another of Constantine’s mistakes. Another woman he’s failed.”

She holds up her hand and lets it hover.

I feel a pull.

It’s not like what I feel with Costin.

It’s not sexual or romantic, but it’s ancient and it’s there.

My blood recognizes her as an authority.

My sire’s sire.

With Costin, the bond feels different.

It’s warmer and more intimate.

Even now, angry as I am at him, I can sense him nearby, feel the invisible thread connecting us.

It’s both comforting and infuriating, that unnatural connection that makes me want to please Costin, to obey him even as I hate the impulse.

As my transformation progresses, will I start to feel obedient to Elizabeth?

She’s the last person I’d want to give control.

Something shifts inside me, and I try to fight the flicker of hope.

It’s so fragile I’m afraid to acknowledge it.

“You expect me to believe you would do anything to help me?”

“Believe what you want.” She stands, smoothing her immaculate dress.

“But remember this. The sire bond isn’t just about blood. It’s about control. It’s about ownership. He will never truly see you as his equal. To him, you’ll always be his creation, his responsibility. A pet.”

The words hit like a slap.

“So you’re looking for ways to control Costin,” I counter.

“That’s all this is.”

“The council interfered with the natural order.” She waves her hand in dismissal.

“It’s not the same for women. If you haven’t learned that lesson by now, I can’t help you.”

“He doesn’t see me that way,” I say, but uncertainty creeps into my voice.

I remember the gentleness in his touch when he thought I was asleep, the way his voice breaks when he says my name.

The monster in me wants to hurt him, but some part of me, the part that still remembers loving him, aches at the thought.

“Doesn’t he?” Elizabeth’s smile is knowing.

“Ask yourself why he keeps you chained. Why he makes decisions for you. Why he couldn’t respect your wish to die rather than become this hybrid monster. Costin will always do what is best for Costin.”

The door opens before I can respond.

Costin stands in the threshold, his face tight with controlled fury.

“Get out.” His voice is dangerously soft.

“I was just leaving.” She glides toward him, pausing as she passes.

“She deserves to know all her options, brother. Even if you’re too selfish to tell her.”

I watch the muscles in Costin’s jaw work as he restrains himself.

Even now, even after everything, he can’t bring himself to truly harm her.

The woman who turned him, who bound him to her for centuries.

I understand now more than ever that it might not be something he can help.

She made him.

Vampiric blood holds great power.

“Think about my offer, Tamara,” Elizabeth calls over her shoulder.

When she’s gone, Costin approaches me slowly, his eyes moving over my face.

“What did she tell you?”

“That she can make me human again.” I study his reaction.

“Is it true?”

“It’s not a real option.” He sits heavily in the chair Elizabeth vacated.

“Blood magic is unpredictable at best. Deadly at worst.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“It’s unlikely.”

“But possible?”

“Possible,” he admits reluctantly.

“But Elizabeth’s magic comes at a price. Always.”

“Maybe her price is worth paying.” I look away.

“Maybe being human again is worth any cost. What’s the worst that can happen? Death? I turn into a bigger monster than I already am?”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Don’t I?” I meet his gaze.

“You made this choice for me. You decided I should live as a monster rather than die human.”

Pain crosses his face.

“You promised me you wouldn’t turn me.”

“I promised your grandfather I would always protect you.” He stands, running a hand through his hair.

“I couldn’t lose you, Tamara. Not like that.”

His voice catches on my name, and for a moment, I feel past the rage to the raw pain underneath.

He reaches toward me, his fingers stopping just short of touching my face.

I feel myself instinctively leaning toward him, my body remembering what my mind wants to forget.

I crave the comfort of his touch, the safety I once felt with him.

“So instead you made me like your sister?” The anger rises, hot and sudden.

He flinches as if I’ve struck him.

“You’re nothing like Elizabeth.”

“Aren’t I? We’re both monsters now. Both bound to you by blood.” The words pour out, fueled by a bitterness I didn’t know I harbored.

Even as I say it I don’t fully believe everything coming out of my mouth.

The monster inside me lashes out just to be mean.

“That’s the real reason you can’t kill her, isn’t it? Because every time you look at her, you see your failure.”

“Stop.” His voice is barely audible.

“I saved your life.”

“You saved my existence,” I correct him.

“It’s not the same thing.”

“Tamara—”

“And now when you look at me, what do you see? Another monster connected to your bloodline? Another failure to atone for?” The words don’t sound like my own.

They’re not reasonable.

“I see the woman I love,” he whispers.

“The woman?” I repeat.

“That woman is gone.”

He turns away, but not before I catch the sheen of red liquid in his eyes.

“Release me,” I say, softer now.

“I keep you restrained because you’re dangerous,” he says.

“Because you’re still learning to control your new nature.”

“At least let me sit up.”

He moves to unlock the cuffs on my wrists.

I notice he leaves my ankles bound.

Still not trusting me completely.

Smart.

I rub my wrists, feeling the indentations where the metal bit into my skin.

Already the cuts are healing thanks to my vampire blood.

Costin watches the wounds close, and I catch a flicker of something like relief in his eyes.

Despite everything, something inside him likes what I’ve become.

I hate how much that matters to me.

“If there’s a chance Elizabeth’s ritual will work, I have to consider it.”

Costin frowns, centuries of pain in his eyes.

“You don’t understand my sister’s games. There is always a cost.”

We stare at each other, the gulf between us wider than it’s ever been.

My emotions seem dulled, distant.

Is this part of becoming a vampire?

This cold removal from human feeling?

“I’ll consider Elizabeth’s offer,” I say finally.

“Tamara, please?—”

“You made your choice.” I look away.

“Now I’m making mine.”

Costin appears like he wants to argue, but instead, he just nods and glances at the empty wine glass.

“I’ll have food brought to you. Something more substantial than what I’ve been giving you.”

“You mean blood.”

“And meat.” He moves toward the door.

“The wolf in you needs both.”

I hate the reminder, but my stomach growls in response.

“Fine.”

“Tamara,” he pauses, his hand on the doorknob.

“Whatever you decide about Elizabeth’s offer just be careful. My sister never gives anything without taking something more valuable in return.”

After he leaves, I test the shackles on my ankles.

They’re stronger than the ones on my wrists had been.

The chains are longer and I’m able to stand up.

I’m still a prisoner, just with slightly longer chains.