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CHAPTER NINE

NASH

I’m a miracle worker. I’ve managed to piss Vale Monroe off so much that she barely speaks to me for three days.

The silence is golden.

And amusing.

Because I know she’s dying to say something snarky when I pick up another one of her books.

Last night, I read Pussy: A Reclamation. Quite informative. Very arousing. Because, yes, I imagined Vale’s pussy the entire time. Tonight, I take her book and my spot on her loveseat while she sits on her bed, typing on her laptop.

After our days at Delta’s, this has been our nights…

I cook. She cleans. I read. She fumes. I smirk. She snarls. It’s domestic bliss.

So when I open her annotated copy of Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies , she finally blows a gasket.

“Don’t read that!”

“Why not?”

“Because,” she huffs, “it’s private.”

Like a red cape to a bull, I wave the paperback. “It’s published.”

“It’s mine.”

I flutter the dozens of pastel tabs marking its pages. “Is someone shy about her sexual fantasies?”

She scoffs, “You couldn’t handle my sexual fantasies.”

It’s instant. My cock stirs at her challenge. “Wanna bet?”

“Yes.” She slams her laptop closed. “If I win, I’ll ask, and you’ll give me a mafia detail.”

“And if you lose?”

“What do you want?”

Not to be a dumbass right now, who’s so damn tempted to flirt with your fire, but days of your beautiful silence have weakened me.

It’s cute how her ass shakes when she brushes her teeth. It’s fascinating how she chews her bottom lip while she types. It’s intoxicating how she slowly brushes her hair, how it falls like black silk down her back. It’s sweet how she calls Alena, how they laugh and gossip. Then Vale hangs up and glares at me because she hates lying to her. I do, too.

“If I win,” I answer, “you’ll give me the silent treatment for another week.”

She does it again. She glares. “That’s not a fair wager.”

“All’s fair in sexual fantasies and details.”

“Fine.” She grins, sitting ramrod straight. “Stand up.”

“What?”

“Stand up,” she twirls her braid, biting her lip as her tone switches to sweet, slow, and seductive, “and if I can watch how I make your. Big. Thick. Long. Cock get so hard for me while I’m being a. Very. Bad. Girl. By confessing my. Dirtiest. Naughtiest. Filthiest. Fantasy to you, Mr. Allen … I win.” She licks her top lip. “Hint: It involves honey and my ass .”

Holy fuck, I’m already hard. Rock hard. Her beauty. Her voice. Her tease. Her book is hiding my tenting trousers.

And she knows it.

She falls back on the bed, laughing. “Men are so easy. All it takes is an audible simulation of a classic fetish, of a ‘bad girl being naughty for you,’ and you’re making pudding in your pants.”

But I’m not laughing. I remember.

Her. My beautiful, bad girl.

I’m swollen, heavy and hard, and hanging on by a thread. That’s all that’s holding me back from enacting my ultimate fantasy, which is fucking the ever-living hell out of Vale’s sweet pussy, then her sassy mouth, then her honeyed ass, before I start all over again.

My silence gets her attention. She sits up again. “What?” She teases, “Does my wet cat have your tongue?”

“You couldn’t handle my tongue.” I dare. I desire. “Wet would be where you’d start, and squirting all over my face would be where I’d end you. Over and over again.”

It’s another miracle. Vale’s silent, her eyes wide.

She stops taunting and twirling her braid as her ribs heave, her breath deepening at my threat. Her little tank top can’t hide the effect I have on her pearling nipples.

She stammers, “But, I… I can’t co?—”

“Oh,” I snarl, “I’ll make you come, Vale. So many times and for hours, I’ll take my time and won’t give up until you do. I’ll give you more than what you need, what you can handle, and you’ll take it like a good girl. You’ll love it. You won’t be able to walk the next day. You’ll just lie there, satisfied and begging for more.”

Her teeth grab her bottom lip. It starts to tremble. “Are you mocking me?”

“Never.” My tone softens. “I’m making a promise to you.”

Because I can’t stop thinking about it. About her. About her secret and how I crave to help. I never knew she was suffering like this, and I can’t lie on the floor beside her bed, listening to her huffs of frustration, knowing all I’d try for her, all I’d give her.

Honestly? I need it, too. Desire is one thing. Care another. To feel them both in one night shared with a woman? With Vale? It would be a first for me.

But I know what she survived, and I want to protect her too much. Even from myself. I’d never make the first move.

The tension is so thick between us; the only thing that’s clear is how much we both want it. How much we want each other.

Her brows pinch as she barely whispers, “But… we can’t … What about Alena?”

Suddenly, reality comes crashing down.

We can’t. We shouldn’t. And we won’t.

But now, our sudden, forbidden exchange, her lonely secret, and my passionate promise make tears brim in her grey eyes before they spill down her ivory cheeks, and…

“Vale,” I rise to comfort her, but her palm flies up, stopping me.

“Don’t,” she says. “Please don’t hurt me with what I can’t have. I’m used to it. I’ll be fine.”

I sit back down, my arms aching to hold her. “Is it really true?” I still can’t believe it. “You’ve never had an orgasm?”

“Yeah,” another tear slides down her cheek, but she jokes, “I won a contest, and the prize was not to be able to come during sex. Any sex. Unless it’s with myself.”

I gesture to her library. “Have you figured out why?”

“Yes.” She gestures to her books, too. “They’re why. They’re in my head. I overthink when I’m with someone, and I can’t get into a flow state.”

“A flow state?”

“That’s what some psychologists call it. When you stop thinking and judging and worrying and … you just feel. You let your body take control.”

“But alone you can do it?”

“Yeah.” She shrugs. “I watch myself in that mirror.” She points to the one by her bed. “And I use a toy or my fingers, and I can come almost every time.”

“Why do you watch yourself?” It’s so erotic, I’m obsessed.

“It’s part of my therapy.” She lifts her chin. “Because my pussy is beautiful, and it’s mine, and at least I can give myself pleasure.”

I want to tell her I know more. I know why she went to therapy. I know why she’s safe now. Well, she was safe until I came back around.

“Why do you want to know so much?” she asks. “Why do you care about my sex life?”

I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. My dick deflated in the presence of her pain. I can’t watch her suffer. “Because I care about you, and I care about your life, and I always have.”

“Why?”

I shake my head. She has no idea…

“You saved Alena; you know that, right? Your friendship saved her life. I was so worried after her mother was killed. I took her to counselors and everything, but I always feared the worst until you came along. You were the first one to make her laugh after Lainey died.”

Vale swipes away a tear.

Goddamn, I hate it when she cries. Her eyes look like smoky glass when she does. It’s breathtaking, too.

“Do you ever miss her, too?” she asks.

“Yeah.” I nod. “We became good friends, and as my daughter’s mother, I loved Lainey. And it’s been tough watching Alena become a woman without her. That’s why you mean so much to her.” I swallow. “To me.”

“Alena saved me, too.” She tucks her sexy braid behind her ear. “You both did. Growing up, it was me and my twin and our mom, always working hard to provide for us. I loved them, but I ached inside, feeling like I was missing something, and when I’d hang out with Alena at your house, I found it.”

“Found what?”

Softly, she grins, not ashamed of her tears. “Home.”

I roll my lips, swallowing the lump in my throat, confessing, “I always felt like you belonged with us, too.”

She pauses, and I let her search my eyes.

If she looks deep enough, she’ll find herself there. She’ll find out how much I’ve felt for her … for so many years.

“Why was it just the three of us?” she asks. “Why did you never find someone? It’s been forever, and you’re getting old, and you’re really, really, really not hard to look at.” Long pause. “At. All.”

A grin hits my lips. “Forty-four is not old … thanks and … and it never felt right.”

“Was it to honor Alena’s mom? And Alena?”

“No, it’s more complicated than that.”

She tips her head. Her tears have stopped, but her snark hasn’t returned. She’s gentle … and dammit, she’s smart.

“It’s complicated and has to do with that man, Michael Cummings, doesn’t it?” she probes. “I could feel something between you two. You two and Jace. I’m right, aren’t I?”

“Those are deadly questions, Vale. Quit asking them.”

“Can I ask another question?”

“What did I just say?”

“I don’t know. When it’s not what I want to hear, I don’t listen.”

“Fuck.” I chuckle, tossing my chin up. “What?”

“Will you sleep with me tonight?”

Now, I’m struck mute, her question racing my pulse. Fuck. Will I sleep with my greatest temptation?

“We won’t do anything,” she rushes. “We’ll sleep with pillows between us, but I swear, if I have to hear you grunt and groan like you’re fucking my hardwood floors anymore, I’m going to scream. I can’t sleep because you can’t sleep, and yes, you’re an asshole, but I’ve always cared for you, too. You fill some hole in my heart that I can’t explain, so let’s not try to, and finally, for the love of God, sleep .”

I shake my head. “Your double bed isn’t big enough for you, me, and a pile of pillows between us.”

And the lust I feel for you, too? I can barely contain it.

“Fine,” she says. “We’ll sleep fully clothed and back-to-back, and if you snore, don’t worry about your mafia enemies. I’ll slit your throat myself.”

We keep our promise. We sleep with clothes on, our backs barely touching, and it’s hard because her bed dips in the middle where she usually sleeps.

“Nash?” she whispers.

“Yeah?” I rasp, ready. Worried. Wanting.

Tenderly, her foot brushes mine under the sheet. “What’s this? Between us ?”

Her skin is so soft, it’s killing me. I stare into the darkness, the ache overwhelming and painful. “Something we can’t have.”

So, all night and for another week, I fight the gravity I feel to touch her.

But I can’t fight the other gravity I feel, the one that’s falling so goddamn in love with Vale.