Page 71 of My Solemn Vow (The Mafia Arrangement #1)

I hang my head and swing it back and forth. I can’t stand it. I dislike being pulled in a direction like this. Not after everything that’s happened.

“Holly and I weren’t fated mates. I loved her so much, and I wanted her to be.

We both knew we weren’t. That didn’t matter to us though.

We had a wedding, bonded ourselves to each other, and got pregnant right away.

We were willing to give up the possibility of perfection for the hard work we had ahead of us. ”

I lift my head to watch Valor speak and find his eyes filled with unshed tears.

“The voice inside my head says you’re my fated mate,” I whisper

“So does mine.” He snorts and squeezes me one more time. “You probably shouldn’t call her the voice inside your head though. Even other wolves will look at you funny for that.”

“Well, do they have names? Or is this just a ‘my wolf’ situation for the rest of my life?” I grumble. “I sound ridiculous.”

“Not once have I ever been asked that question.” He cocks his head, considering it.

“I don’t think there’s any harm in naming her if you’d like.

Again, that may get some funny looks.” A smile tugs at his lips, and he nudges me playfully.

“It’s kinda cool, though, you get to claim all their good ideas as your own and can blame the dumb ones on them too, because how is anyone gonna know which consciousness came up with something one way or another? ”

I can’t help it. I snort before laughing. But I quickly compose myself.“I don’t forgive you. You make me laugh, but that isn’t forgiveness.”

“I’m not asking for you to forgive me, not right now.” He nods, as though resigned. “I know I don’t deserve it. I’m so fuckin’ sorry. Don’t think I’m not beating myself up for this.”

“I don’t care, Valor. It’s done.” My words are a lie, and now I know what he meant when he said he could hear it. It’s like little trickles of deception cling to the words, and they sound false, like when someone says something you know isn’t true.

“You do care, and while you’re right, I can’t take it back, that doesn’t mean it feels done to you. ”

Valor isn’t patronizing, but he’s good at voicing what I can’t.

My body relaxes a little bit.

“But I think we’re getting there.”

“How am I ever supposed to trust you?” I loathe how pathetic I sound. The question is absurd, and in this moment, it feels like the answer is I can’t.

“I don’t deserve your trust. But you know that.” Valor leans against me a bit more.

He is sorry. My wolf reminds me.

“I had doubts and acted anyway. He told me Kerrianne wasn’t safe with you, and if Dad hadn’t texted that the truce had been broken, I would have maybe thought more clearly, but he had Dad fooled too.”

“What?” I snap and glare at him. Could this get any worse? “The truce was broken?”

I push myself up off the floor, and my body twitches. Shivers rack my spine, and I feel so tense I can hardly move... except I’m already pacing the floor.

“It wasn’t. I promise, it wasn’t.” Valor shakes his head, and the calmness oozing off him draws me to stop as he stands still, patient, waiting.

“I have questions about how things happened, but I spoke with Berto personally, and Dad talked with Gregorio. As far as we can tell, they’re unaware of anything that’s happened since the truce.

Though, Berto admitted to having help taking down Sean and gave me a play by play of how it went.

I’m sure there were some embellishments, but the fact that Sean didn’t survive made more sense when he explained it. ”

There is no way in hell I’m apologizing for Berto. I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not accepting responsibility for any man’s shitty actions.

Not Berto’s. Not Valor’s.

“It isn’t right that I believed Neil over our experiences and my heart.

It wasn’t fair, nor did it boast trust in our relationship.

” Valor’s remorse continues to chip away at the guard around my heart, carving out a little piece of the bitterness.

“I meant what I said though. Had you inadvertently or unintentionally done something that compromised our safety, I would have lied for you and found a way to make it look like it could have been something else.”

“I think you’re trying to talk me into forgiving you.

” I look at him. His green-brown eyes look back at me, and I melt a little.

His brown hair hangs into his face, and I want to brush it out of the way.

“But know that you were angry at me for calling the truce, and that’s exactly what you were doing.

You were offering to put your life on the line for me. ”

He nods. “I would have, and I’d do it again.”

“I’m still so mad at you,” I fume. “I cannot reiterate enough how hurt I am. I was willing to die for her, and that hasn’t ever changed. It will never change. It’s who I am, but you didn’t even pause.” Hot tears are welling up in my eyes, and I hold them back.

“And you have every right to get angry, to yell, to want to hurt me back. I’ll take it. All of it.” He raises his hand but stops himself before he can wipe the tear off my cheek that escaped.

Suddenly, a question springs into my head and rattles around my brain until it tumbles out. “What happened to Neil?”

“Nothing,” Valor answers flatly.

“Nothing!”

I clench my fists, turning away from him, because my tears only boil over instead of freezing, my rage bringing the precipitation with them. How could he be sorry yet nothing happened to Neil?

My wolf is snarling too. At least I know my anger in this isn’t one sided. She may want me to forgive Valor, but we’re not letting this go.

Valor’s hands are on my shoulders, and he spins me around, gripping my chin and dragging my face back to him.

I narrow my eyes. “I almost die, and he’s what?—”

“Nothing happened to Neil because he’s still in my basement waiting for you. Well, us. I have more questions I need answered,” Valor explains.

Those words calm my rage, and I force even breaths before raising an eyebrow. “Me?”

“He committed treason, but the most egregious offense was against you.” Valor tries to explain what must be a complicated system of laws, and he pauses to reframe.

“Kidnapping Royal, hurting Declan and Jack, killing Sean and Gavin were all offenses against wolves. But you were human when he hurt you. That comes above anything else.”

“When you let him hurt me.” I don’t pull that punch. I correct him with the ferocity of my wolf backing me.

“And you can torture me for the rest of our lives for that.” He assures me before continuing. “Neil, however, is yours to do with as you will. I recommend making him suffer and killing him, but you’re within your right to do whatever you please.”

“Whatever I please?” I straighten and tilt my head. “And if that’s taking a little bit of him apart and dismantling him until he dies?”

“Then I recommend you pick parts at random to inflict the most pain,” he advises, sounding a little bit more than ‘slightly’ unhinged. “There are many ways to make it hurt for as long as you’d like.”

“You haven’t questioned him or anything?” I ask, testing the ability to hear falsehoods.

“I refused to leave you longer than I had to. I wanted to make sure you transitioned cleanly. You were my priority.” Valor’s gaze holds the intensity of his dedication I’ve seen before, but now it’s directed at me.

I’m a priority. His words don’t come with that itching feeling of a lie. Huh.

It’s because we are his and he is ours. My wolf weighs in. We can be angry, but it doesn’t make him less ours. Let him show us he can do better.

I blow out a breath and sit back on the bed, but Valor stays where he is.

“Neil is getting his bare minimum needs met. Food, water, a bucket to shit in. We’ll question him together when you’re ready to go home.”

We’ll go home soon. My wolf reassures me like she knows where home is. Starving him to death is an option though.

“And no one will be angry, there will be no retribution, if I kill him?” I need to clarify because this sounds too good to be true.

“If you don’t kill him, I will.” Valor shifts on his feet and slides his hands into his pockets. “Neil has to die. Fast or slow, it doesn’t matter so long as it gets done.”

Death and murder shouldn’t soothe me, given everything that’s happened, but my shoulders drop. I’m not cold, but I pull the blanket around me, needing comfort.

Valor moves over to the woodstove and stokes the fire. He turns around to face me again and clears his throat. “I know this cabin isn’t very large, so if you wanted some alone time, I could maybe shift and go for a run or something?”

Space doesn’t feel like what I want, especially since my wolf seems to settle with his proximity, but the longer I’m around him, the harder it is to be mad at him. He deserves for me to be mad at him.

I shake my head, and Valor doesn’t waste a second to sit next to me on the bed. He runs his hand across my shoulders, and I lean into his warmth.

“I don’t remember much since the basement,” I murmur.

“That’s normal.” Valor isn’t fazed by my abrupt change in conversation. “The first few days, the wolf is driving. There isn’t anything science based I can point to, but we believe it’s because she’s making space for herself in your brain and body. ”

“Will it ever feel normal?” I know the answer, but I want to hear him confirm it.

Valor nods. “It’ll become second nature.”

Being that having a wolf is quite literally having a second nature draws laughter from me, and I snort mid-laugh at his choice of words.

“Okay, yeah, I deserve that.” Valor leans against me before pushing back as if to jest.

The easiness between us brings me more comfort than the blanket did.

He hesitates to speak. “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed your laugh, your smile, this feeling between us.”

God, if I don’t feel that too. Closing my eyes, I can only nod in agreement. I didn’t want to forgive him like this, but my heart is pulling me toward him.

Valor is our mate. My wolf gives me answers. He can’t ever hurt us like that again. It would kill him to do it.

Her reassurance means everything. The honesty of it, and the fact that his words and actions seem to back it up.

Maybe it’s foolish to put myself into his hands again, but at least now I have a wolf and I can fight back.

I shift on the bed to face him and cup his jaw, running my thumb over the stubble covering his cheek.

Valor just stares at me, as if he’s afraid of moving and spooking me.

His Adam’s apple bobs with a swallow, and I move my gaze to his lips.

Slowly, I lean over to him, and Valor mirrors the movement.

He lets me kiss him first, but the intensity deepens quickly.

I run my fingers into his hair and hold him to me as we kiss. Valor does the same, pressing his tongue into my mouth. I accept, letting him closer to me.

By the time we stop kissing, we’re both panting, and when I look into his eyes, I don’t want to kill him.

I don’t want to fight back. I’m still angry, and it simmers within me, but I don’t want the anger to consume me.

I’ve never wanted to be a hateful person.

Even if Valor deserves it, I know I won’t be mad at him forever. I know I won’t be wary of him forever.

Neil deserves my anger more than Valor does.

His features turn devious with a playful smirk and darkened eyes. “Gonna kill me in my sleep tonight?”

“Well, if my wolf hasn’t killed you yet, and it’s not for lack of ability, then I guess you might get to live through the night.” I huff. “Never go to bed angry, or in our case, never go to bed with murder on the mind.”

“If you’re up to it, and we’re both alive in the morning...” Valor speaks softly. He draws slow, steadying breaths. “We could go home in the morning.”

Home. It’s a foreign concept. Valor’s house felt homey. It felt like a place I could be comfortable. I don’t know that it’ll be like that anymore. But I nod anyway. There is no hiding out in a cabin, there is no apartment in River North, and that just leaves facing the new reality head-on.