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“I just want you to be careful, Sar,” he’d said, caressing her stomach. “I love you, and I love this child, and I don’t want anything to happen to either of you.”

“I don’t want that either.” And she’d kissed him in a way that soon ended that argument. Or at least put it on pause.

She was trying to enter into Dan’s excitement, to paste a smile over the fears. God was good. She knew that. God loved her. Yes, Amen. But still… still… Oh, Lord, could we please have a better outcome this time round?

“Hey, Princess, are you ready for your birthday surprise?”

She nodded, pushed aside the worries, focused on the now. “Sure am.”

He pulled out a tiny, gift-wrapped box. “Ta da!”

“That doesn’t look much like a fishing rod.”

He smirked. “I was saving that for after dinner.”

She laughed, and read the birthday card, then unwrapped the present. “Oh!”

Beautiful earrings sparkled in the apartment’s dim light, a perfect match for her Christmas pendant and engagement ring. “Thank you. They’re so beautiful.”

“You’re so beautiful.”

She kissed him, his passion quickly igniting hers, until she was forced to push him away. “We can’t.”

“We can. You’re the birthday girl. The party can’t start until you’re there.”

She smiled, but shook her head. “I think I’ll wait for that part of my present until later.”

“Your wish is my command.” He held out his arm. “Now, are you ready?”

“Can I guess where we’re going?” she asked, as they descended in the elevator.

“Probably not.”

She snickered. “You’re so mean.”

“Even if we both know I’m so right. You haven’t been able to guess right once in all the times I’ve been taking you out for your birthday dinner.”

“But that can change,” she insisted. “Is it Feretti’s?”

“Nope.”

“360?”

“Guess again.”

“McDonald’s?”

He shot her a look.

“Oh well, looks like I can’t guess. I suppose that means you’re Mr. Right again.”

He placed a hand carefully around her waist, his caress of her stomach nearly imperceptible as they walked to his car. “You know it.”

He was Mr. Right, and she was so blessed in so many ways. And about to celebrate her birthday with friends and Dan’s family when she’d already been given the greatest gift of all.

“Did you have a nice time?” her mother asked on the video call the next day.

“It was great.” Sarah glanced at Dan. “Somebody here booked a private dining room at this amazing French restaurant, and we had so much fun.”

Some of Dan’s teammates had joined Sam, and Helen, and Andrew.

Some of her new Muskoka friends had come too.

Jackie and Linc, Staci and James, Toni and Matt.

It had been nice to chat with them and discuss Musko-cheers progress among other things.

The only thing that would’ve made it perfect was seeing her family.

She would’ve loved to have them there, this ache at missing them growing each day.

Still, that was part of the purpose of this birthday call.

“Are you feeling better now?” Bek asked, from her square of video.

“So much better.” She gripped Dan’s hand, and he squeezed gently. It was time to tell her parents and sister. “I went to the doctors again recently, and they told me what the problem is.”

“And…?” Her mother leaned in toward the screen.

“And it seems I’m going to need a few more months until I’m sort of back to normal.”

“What do you mean?”

Sarah smiled as her dad on the computer screen leaned in now too. “It seems the condition I have will take about nine months to fully develop.”

She watched her parents gradually comprehend what she was saying. How she wished she could be telling them this in person. Emotion hovered. She batted it away. She was way too prone to tears these days.

“Sarah, you don’t mean…?”

Hope shone on their faces, and she was so glad she could confirm the good news. “Dan and I are having a baby in April.”

“Oh, sweetie, that’s so exciting! Congratulations, Dan.”

“Thanks, Lindy.” Dan leaned into the shot, broad grin permanently attached these days.

“Congratulations to both of you! We know this means so much.”

“Congrats, you two! Sarah, I wondered if you were, when you complained about being so tired and sick all the time,” Bek crowed.

“I didn’t think it was possible, what with the cramping and blood and stuff.” She snuck a peek at her dad. He looked a little gobsmacked. Oh well. “Sorry, Dad. Just keeping it real.”

Just not so real that they needed to know about the doctor’s cautions about their child’s potential to be born with health issues. Saying it aloud seemed to add weight to that diagnosis. And she didn’t want to do that and spoil her celebratory birthday video call.

“So what does this mean for your trip to Australia?” Bek asked, oh-so-practical as ever.

Ah. Great question. Sarah felt the tension emanate from Dan. “The doctor said I’d be over the worst of the sickness soon,” she said carefully.

“But you need to take care, sweetheart. Especially when you’ve been so tired.”

“See?” Dan murmured. “Even your own mother agrees.”

She kept her gaze on the computer. “I’m not going against medical advice.”

Yeah, from the looks of her family, nobody was buying what she was trying to sell.

“I’m not,” she insisted. “Dr. McKinnon said I’d be fine by then.”

“But it’s only a few weeks away,” her mother protested.

“Exactly. So it’s too late to cancel now.”

“Sarah…”

Irritation spiked, and she turned to Dan. “Do you know how hard it’s been to not see my family this year? So hard. And now I finally get the chance to see them and you don’t want me to.”

“Sar, this isn’t the time,” he said in a low voice.

“No, it’s exactly the right time. They’re my family. They want to see me.” She sniffed. “And I want to see them. I need to see them, Dan.”

“They could fly here—”

“No! Why does it always have to be they come here? What if I want to be there? What if I don’t want to feel cold for once, and want to actually see the Pacific Ocean, and smell gum trees, and hear accents that sound like mine?

I want to be there.” She wiped away stupid tears.

Oh, these hormones were making her so emotional.

“We all understand that,” her mother soothed. “It’s just we’re concerned about your health, and the health of the baby.”

“I’m fine .”

“You’re not fine,” Dan said gently. “You’re exhausted.”

“How are you going to cope with all the traveling that the tour involves?” Bek asked.

Another excellent question. Touring was demanding at the best of times. But stubbornness refused to give in. Not yet, anyway.

“Princess,” her father said, “We just want you to be okay and give your baby the best chance possible.”

“I know,” she said. “And like I said, if the doctor is happy, then I don’t see why I can’t.

” And part of her also felt a little fatalistic, especially after the last few times.

Chances were that she’d have another miscarriage and que sera sera , whatever will be would be.

“God has got this sorted, whatever happens.”

Silence followed that, then Dan sighed. “I’m sorry. I need to go soon. We’ll have to continue to talk about this later.”

She faked a smile as her family quickly agreed, then turned to him as soon as the screen went black. “Why did you have to do that? I hate when we argue, especially in front of my family.”

“Sar, I’m concerned about you. I understand you want to see your family, but it’s a long way to travel when you don’t feel well.”

“I know, but I’d sleep on the plane—”

His look of skepticism took the puff out of that.

“Okay, I’d sleep as much as I could on the plane, then when I arrived, I’d be staying with them.”

“For a few days until the tour begins. Then what? Long bus trips, late nights, more plane rides. You’re already exhausted and you haven’t even left. I’m worried about what this would mean for the baby.”

Guilt stabbed. She’d once thought she could give up Heartsong in a heartbeat, but now, the thought of losing a certainty for something that still remained a little nebulous seemed like an overreaction.

But saying that felt impossible, especially when she knew Dan’s comments came from a place of love and concern.

She couldn’t admit that she couldn’t get too attached to this baby.

Not again. Not if it wouldn’t even be born.

“Dr. McKinnon said I was fine to travel.”

“Yeah, I don’t think he realized you meant a trip around the world.

” Dan hauled in a deep breath, exhaled, calmed.

“Look, I know you want to go, and it’s not good for you to get agitated.

Can we please just talk to him and explain the situation fully, and make a decision based on what he has to say? ”

What choice did she have to say but, “Fine”?

She averted her gaze, shifted away.

But Dan-the-persistent moved back into her personal space. “Why do you want to do this so much, anyway? It’s not like you haven’t toured lots of times before.”

Tears trickled from her eyes. “I miss them.” Missed her Heartsong friends, missed feeling strong and capable and like she had purpose, missed her family most of all.

“I know, honey.”

She let him wrap an arm around her shoulder. “And they’re my family , Dan.”

His face sobered. “I thought I was your family now.”

Her heart hitched.

“Me, and this little one.” He pointed to her stomach.

Her bottom lip quivered, and she covered her face. “I’m sorry.”

Oh, she was an awful wife. She knew Dan wanted a baby more than anything.

And yes, she wanted this child too. She did .

Yet fear had crept in so insidiously, sucking away joy, even as she prayed, and praised, and tried to cling to hope.

Dr. McKinnon might mean well, but the constant tests and cautions was having the opposite effect, spiraling her anxiety into levels even she could feel was unnatural.

She wiped away more stubborn tears. “Everything feels so out of control,” she finally managed. “I just wanted to feel like I could plan something and see it through. There’s just been so much disappointment lately.”

“I know, Princess.”

“I don’t know if I can take much more. And,” she swallowed, but honesty meant she had to be truthful, “and part of me is even questioning whether this will even come true. How do we know it won’t end the same way as the others all did?”

“Oh, Sar.” He smiled softly. “How do we know it won’t be different this time around?”

Her tears expanded into sobs, and he enveloped her in a hug.

Trying to walk by faith wasn’t easy.

And as he held her, and murmured of God’s faithfulness and love, Sarah wondered again at the wisdom of waiting to tell Dan’s parents, especially after this fail of an encounter with her family.

Sure it was only two weeks away, but doing the whole Thanksgiving announcement thing had the potential to backfire.