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She exhaled, sat at her desk, and switched on the computer.

Deleted a bunch of emails her phone hadn’t synced and dealt with already.

It was nice to feel like she could take control of her life in some ways, and not be at the mercy of everyone who wanted or said they needed her.

Then she paused, eyeing an email she hadn’t seen before.

She opened it. Then read it, her mouth sagging as an offer for a different kind of album was put to her. Really? They thought she could write and record a secular album of love songs? Hmm.

“Lord?”

Her eyes closed, and she propped her head in her hands as she let her mind wander, remembering the many actions of a man who was faithful, kind and patient—hallmarks of real love—that begged her to describe him, their journey, what love looked like.

It wasn’t the first time she had toyed with writing about love in a more secular way, but she’d never had a request for an album of such songs.

It wasn’t a Heartsong Collective album, that was for sure.

“Lord, what do You think?”

She stilled her mind, stilled her soul, listening to what God might say, but didn’t sense a no . She could see how an album like this could reach people who weren’t Christians, so maybe that was a reason to consider this. And God knew that Dan was worth it…

The temptation to dwell on this tugged at her, but Dan was supposed to return in several hours, and she still had to pray, and go over her podcast’s script and notes, and check the recording timing would work considering there was so much to say.

This album offer was something to think about another day.

She spent the next hour praying, revising her program notes, tweaking things, asking God for direction on what was best to say and what was less valuable. Then, as the time of Dan’s arrival drew near, she set up her script, and cued her computer, and microphone.

When the door rattled, she jumped up to answer it. “Look! It’s my favorite hockey player in all the world!”

He grinned, accepting her hug. “Hey, Princess.”

“How did it go?”

“Great. Everyone’s very happy so it should be good.”

“I bet they were happy to sign you up now so they can build their team around you.”

“I don’t know how much building they can do when I’m only here for another year, but I’ll take it.”

She kissed him. “Want a cup of tea?”

“You and your cups of tea,” he said affectionately.

“Hey, tea is good for you, and doesn’t raise the heartrate like coffee does, just remember that.”

He smiled. “So, how has the podcast prep gone?”

“Good.” She’d save the news about the album offer for another day. Or maybe not at all. If she did do the album, it could be an awesome surprise for him. If she did it at all.

“Have you got notes on what you want me to say?”

“Oh! Um, I hadn’t really thought about what or how much I want you to say. I figured it would probably be good for you to be there as I talk, and if there’s anything you want to add or change, we can edit it straight away. Is that okay?”

He sighed. “Yep.”

“It won’t take long.”

“I hope not. I’ve got other things I want to do with you instead.”

“You always do.” Especially now she’d stopped bleeding again. “First things first. Let’s pray, then let’s talk.”

It proved to be a very different podcast to the last. But the concept of thankfulness, in the midst of uncertainty, was a message that everyone needed reminding of. How could people truly claim faith if their faith was only based on things going well?

“But I’ve come to realize that real faith is only truly earned when we’re in the gritty moments of life, when things look destined to fail, and there’s no hope in sight.

That’s what walking by faith and not sight is about.

” How she hoped and prayed that her words would bring courage and not despair.

She glanced at Dan, whose lips tweaked up, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Which leads me to something that’s pretty personal.

” She swallowed. “Most of you would be aware that I’ve been married to my personal Mr. Darcy for the past three years.

But what you may not know is that in the last two years we’ve had three miscarriages.

And we’ve just received news that the doctors believe that we can never carry a child to full term. ”

She swallowed. Peeked at Dan. His lips were flat. But she’d discussed the content of this with him, and he’d agreed she could be honest. This was their chance to tell their story and own it in a way that they’d prayed would be framed in faith and hope.

“And I’m not saying this to get your sympathy.

I’m saying that I know what it’s like to have to trust God when it seems impossible.

I know what it’s like to hope against all odds, only to see things fail.

And I also know that underneath all of that, I still have this sense of peace, that I have this strong assurance that God loves me, that I’m still held in the palm of His hand. ”

Tears pricked and she swallowed to clear the emotion. “And I want to encourage you today, that whatever hard thing it is that you’re facing, that God is there in the midst of it with you. God still loves you. He still has good plans for you. You can trust Him.”

She sniffed. Glanced up, saw Dan’s dark eyes intent on her. He mouthed a, “Love you.”

She smiled at him, then leaned closer to the microphone. “I wrote a song a while ago that many of you have said that you enjoyed. It ends with the chorus about how ‘we can trust Him with it all, yeah!’” She sang those last few words. Caught Dan’s smile. Sipped her water.

“I recently wrote another one, and I sang it in this very room on the morning of my latest miscarriage. It’s a real faith statement. I felt like as I was writing and singing and declaring these truths that I was pushing back the darkness that threatened to overwhelm me.”

She sipped her water, again, clearing the lump within.

“And today, I want to encourage you to do the same. Speak God’s promises over your life.

Speak out His truth, don’t let the darkness win.

The Bible says that the devil is a liar, and he seeks to steal, kill and destroy.

So don’t let him win. Don’t let him lie to you and say that God doesn’t love you.

Don’t let him steal your peace or your joy.

Don’t let him destroy your life by giving into the darkness.

Instead, stand on God’s promises and declare them out loud.

Things like God loves me, God has good plans for me, God is with me through it all. ”

She glanced at her notes and continued. “I don’t know about you, but sometimes when I speak things out loud, it’s like my heart and my soul hear it more.

That’s why worship is so powerful. That’s why it’s important to gather together with other believers, so we get out of our own negative headspace and can be in a place where we are encouraged. ”

Dan nodded and gave her a thumbs up.

“And so today, I don’t know where you’re at, but I really felt like I wanted those of you who are like me, like Dan, facing disappointment, facing what looks impossible, to remember that our God is the God who does impossible things.

The King of kings and Lord of lords, the God who can do exceedingly abundantly above all we can ask or imagine.

And even if He doesn’t answer our prayer the way we hope He will, it doesn’t mean that God is finished with us yet. ”

She swallowed, the moment feeling weighty.

“We know that in Romans chapter eight it talks about God working for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. Which means for believers, that God is working in us now. For our good. And sometimes that doesn’t feel good.

But I think we need to switch our focus from what we think good is—easy, comfortable, happy, rich—to what God thinks is good.

Which is there in the very next verse. That is, that we may be conformed to the likeness of His Son.

So the things we face are to help us grow to become more like Jesus.

It doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it does mean we can trust Him with it all.

And it means we can always trust Him because we know He loves us. Amen.”

“Amen,” Dan echoed aloud.

She laughed. “And that was Dan Amening in the background. Dan, have you got anything you’d like to say?”

He shrugged, then leaned forward, and she swung the microphone to face him. “I think you said it all, Sar.”

She shook her head. “Come on. There’s something.”

He rolled his eyes then inched closer. “It’s okay to not have all the answers.

It’s okay to not feel okay. But if you don’t feel okay, then keeping that to yourself and not talking to anyone can cause your heart and mind to spiral into dark places.

I didn’t want people to know about these challenges we’ve been facing for a long time.

I don’t know why. I guess I felt ashamed, or inadequate, or people would judge me.

But I’ve learned that holding things in like that doesn’t help.

We all need light to shine into those places, and talking about things, being reminded of God’s truth, is a way of breaking the darkness over our lives.

That’s proved true for me, and for Sarah, and I believe it will prove true for you too.

” He pushed the microphone arm, so it was her turn again.

“Thanks, Dan.” Her heart was so soft toward him. What a good man he was. “I’m going to finish a little differently today and pray. Lord, thank you for Your love for us. Thank You that even in the hardest moments of our lives, You were there. You are here .”

Sarah paused, her spine tingling. “Help us to be still, to know that You are God. You are the creator, the giver of life, the Alpha, and the Omega, the beginning, and the end. You oversee the universe, and You see our hearts and our lives. Thank You for Your miraculous interventions. Thank You for breaking chains, thank You for bringing hope in dark places, thank You for Your love and the fact that nothing can separate us from Your love. Lord, we choose to follow You. Amen.”

“Amen,” Dan echoed.

She smiled at him. “Friends, I know that was a heavier topic today, but thank you for listening. If you want to leave a comment, feel free and I hope we can encourage each other in the things of God. And if nothing else, I hope, no matter where you stand with God, that you can repeat this with me: God loves me, God loves me, God loves me . My prayer—and Dan’s too—is that you would truly know that for yourself.

This is Sarah Walton, and you’ve been listening to Time Out with Sarah . ”

She pressed the cued outro music, then ended the recording. Sank into her seat. And let Dan wrap her in his arms.

“You did great,” he murmured.

“I hope it touches people’s hearts.”

“It will. We prayed it would, right?”

She nodded. Lord, be glorified, and have Your way . “Thank you for speaking. What you shared was perfect.”

“I learned from the pro.”

“Jesus?”

He chuckled. “And you.”

“Ha.” She yawned. “I’m exhausted.”

“Sounds like you need a sleep.”

“A sleep,” she warned. “Nothing else.”

“Nothing else.” Yet, his eyes seemed to dance, as he leaned forward and swept her into another kiss.

She closed her eyes and tugged him closer. Okay, maybe sleep was something to reconsider.