Page 38
He had planned on proposing to Jane Bennet in the next few days, but she seemed so concerned for her sister’s happiness that he thought it best to delay things a little longer.
He had watched Mr Collins quite closely that evening.
He was not at all suited to Elizabeth Bennet, and he did not think that Mr Collins would continue with the engagement much longer, and from what Miss Bennet had said Mr Bennet was insisting on a long engagement.
Once he broke it off, Darcy would be able to take his place and they would both be in a better humour. And so would Jane Bennet.
No, it could not be long at all. It was such a pity it was the middle of winter, had it been late spring or summer they could have gone for a picnic.
Mr Collins did not look like the sort of person who would enjoy a picnic.
That was the problem with winter, one was forced to remain within-doors.
Riding was one way, but would not help in this case.
While Jane Bennet was a decent horsewoman, Elizabeth Bennet on the other hand, was not. No, that was not the solution either.
* * *
Netherfield Drawing Room - Elizabeth
Her surprise was extreme. What possible promise could he want from her?
His tone expressed a seriousness she had not expected.
It was clear that whatever the promise was he wished her to make was important to him.
There was one thing which her fancy told her– but no, she did not even give it the credit of a second thought.
She could not think so low of him to assume that.
“What promise would you have me make?”
“If you find yourself in need of assistance you will mention it in one of your letters to Georgiana. No matter what assistance it is you require.”
“You know I cannot promise you that.”
“Why ever not?”
“Mr Darcy, what you ask is impossible. You know it is. You are too moral a man-” She looked him in the face and what she saw there scared her more than she would admit. “It is better for both of us this way. You must surely see that?”
“This is all I ask. Grant me this and I will leave to rejoin my sister, never to bother you again. ”
Elizabeth’s heart raced as she agreed to Darcy’s request. What could he possibly mean by it? And how could she ever bring herself to ask him for help, knowing what it might imply?
Knowing very well that she would never do what he wished.
For a fleeting moment, Elizabeth allowed herself to imagine a future where she might need Darcy’s help.
The thought both thrilled and terrified her.
But no, she chided herself, she had made her choice.
She couldn’t rely on Darcy’s promise as an escape route.
“This is for my family,” she reminded herself. “With Father’s health failing, and the entail… Mr Collins is our security, our future. My happiness is a small price to pay.” He would forget her, fall in love with another.
Mr Darcy had been walking away from her, he paused and then turned back to her. “Miss Elizabeth, I… I have a letter for you. From my sister. I am afraid I neglected to deliver it earlier.”
He took a letter out of his pocket, fumble slightly, before offering it to her. As Elizabeth takes the letter, their fingers brushed, she found she could not look away.
“Goodbye, Miss Elizabeth. I wish you… every happiness.” He took her other hand gently in his and brought it to his lips.
Elizabeth’s breath caught in her throat.
Mr Collins stirred, blinking owlishly. “Ah, my dear Elizabeth. I hope I haven’t missed too much of the festivities. Shall we have one last dance before departing?”
Elizabeth turned towards Mr Collins as Mr Darcy dropped her hand and moved away from her. Her face was hot. Elizabeth hastily tucked the letter away in her retinal and moved towards Mr Collins. She would read it later.
As they prepared to leave, Elizabeth couldn’t help but compare Mr Collins’ lumbering gait to Mr Darcy’s graceful stride. She quickly pushed the thought away, reminding herself of her duty .
She turned back to see Mr Darcy leaving the room, he paused for a second by the door, turned slightly to look back at her and then left the room.
As Elizabeth entered Longbourn, the warmth of the house a stark contrast to the chill night air, she found her mind still at Netherfield.
She found herself longing for the solitude of her room.
The evening at Netherfield had left her emotionally drained, torn between duty and desire.
Mr Darcy’s parting words echoed in her mind, and she feared sleep would be elusive tonight.
* * *
Longbourn Drawing Room - Mrs Bennet
“Well? How was it? Tell me everything!” Mrs Bennet exclaimed, her eyes darting between her daughters.
Mrs Bennet listened intently as Jane recounted the evening.
“And Mr Bingley? Was he attentive?” At Jane’s blush, Mrs Bennet clapped her hands in delight. “Oh, how wonderful!”
“Was Mr Darcy there?” Mrs Bennet’s brow furrowed. ”I hope he didn’t spoil the evening with his proud ways. Did he dance at all, Lizzy?”
Lizzy seemed to be a hundred miles away. Mrs Bennet had to repeat herself.
“Not that I noticed Mama.” Lizzy said not quite meeting Mrs Bennet’s eye.
“Well that is for the best.” Mrs Bennet said sagely, patting Lizzy’s hand. “Mr Collins I trusted you had a pleasant evening?”
* * *
Longbourn, Jane and Elizabeth’s Room - Elizabeth
The weight of the evening’s events pressed upon her - Mr Darcy’s departure, the letter from Georgiana tucked safely in her reticule, and the constant, looming presence of Mr Collins. She barely registered her mother’s eager inquiries about the evening, her responses automatic and distracted.
Elizabeth’s fingers brushed against the letter in her reticule, a tangible reminder of the choices she’d made and the path she’d chosen.
As she climbed the stairs to her room, she steeled herself for the days ahead, knowing that with Mr Darcy gone, her resolve would be easier to maintain. Or so she hoped.
As they prepared for bed, Jane gently broached the subject. “Lizzy, are you quite alright? You seemed… distracted this evening.”
Elizabeth’s eyes glistened with unshed tears, her breath catching as she tried to explain her conflicted feelings.
“Jane, I’ve done something foolish,” Elizabeth confessed before bursting into tears.
Jane sat down next to her and put her arms around her until she was able to draw breath without crying.
“What is it, Lizzy? What happened?”
Elizabeth hesitated, then said, “I’ve made a promise I am not sure I can keep, or even if I should.”
“To Mr Collins?” Jane asked, her brow furrowed in concern.
“No… to Mr Darcy,” Elizabeth admitted quietly.
Jane’s eyes widened. “Mr Darcy? But I thought…”
“I know. I thought so too. But Jane, he asked me to write to him if I ever needed help. Any kind of help.” As Elizabeth recounted her interaction with Mr Darcy, she paced the small space between their beds, unable to sit still.
“Oh, Lizzy,” Jane said softly, understanding dawning in her eyes. “ And you agreed?”
Elizabeth nodded miserably, “I did. But how can I? I am engaged to Mr Collins. I’ve made my choice.”
As the gravity of her situation sank in, Elizabeth’s face paled, and she sank onto the edge of her bed, suddenly looking exhausted.
“Perhaps Mr Darcy merely meant it as a gesture of friendship?” Jane suggested gently.
Elizabeth shook her head. “You didn’t see his face, Jane. It was… more than that.”
The sisters sat in silence for a moment, the weight of Elizabeth’s words hanging between them.
“What will you do?” Jane finally asked.
Elizabeth’s hands trembled as she spoke, her fingers twisting the fabric of her nightgown.
“What can I do?” Elizabeth replied, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Even if Mr Darcy’s feelings run as deep as mine, he has made no offer - he could not honourably do so while I am engaged to another.
And I cannot break my engagement on mere hopes and feelings.
The scandal would ruin us all. No, I must marry Mr Collins as I’ve promised.
Better to live with the pain of what might have been than to destroy my family’s reputation and my sisters’ futures on a dream that can never be realised. ”
She paused. “ I told him to leave. Mama is right, him being here makes it harder.”
As Elizabeth got into bed, her mind wandered to her future at Hunsford. She imagined herself presiding over tea with the parishioners, reading sermons to Mr Collins, and enduring frequent visits from Lady Catherine. The life ahead seemed… tolerable, if not joyous.
As the house settled into silence, Elizabeth found herself wide awake, her thoughts a tumultuous storm.
She silently recited passages from her startle books, trying to drown out the echo of Mr Darcy’s voice in her head or the feel of his lips on her skin.
Yet, even in her dreams, she couldn’t escape the feeling that she was standing at a crossroads, unsure which way to turn.
The thought of leaving Longbourn, of being separated from Jane and her father, made Elizabeth’s heart ache. But as Mrs Collins, she’d be able to provide for them, to ensure they always had a home. That knowledge would have to be enough.
The next morning she lit a candle so she could read the letter from Georgiana, she had not realised until she had read it that she had been accepting Georgiana’s words to make her path clearer.
It was accounting of the time Georgiana and Mr Darcy or Fitzwilliam as Georgiana referred to him, had spent at Pemberley and how excited she was that she was going to be able to come to see Elizabeth in the near future.
It was a different side of him then she had been.
The doting older brother. Dividing his time between matters of business and ensuring that his sister’s happiness was seen to.
She found herself imagining herself being with them.
But quickly shook her head and dismissed such silly notions.
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