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Longbourn - Darcy

D arcy did not waste any time leaving Longbourn, for he had no desire for a repeat of the ball.

As long as Mr Collins was in the area, he would have to keep his time with Elizabeth quiet and not draw attention to it.

He went quickly from the room, passing the servant who had brought them tea.

She seemed to understand his haste and pointed to a door, so he opened it and saw the kitchen.

Another servant stood by the fire, boiling water, but he did not wait for her to notice him.

He crossed quickly to the door on the other side of the room and let himself out.

He found himself standing in a small kitchen garden, and he quickly slipped around the stables where his horse was tethered.

He kept replaying the conversation over and over in his mind, looking for some expression or comment that he had missed or misunderstood.

But none came. This was what he had been searching for, the missing piece of the puzzle.

He finally understood her. Why she had accepted Mr Collins.

Her father was dying, the estate entailed.

With four sisters still unmarried and a mother to think of, she had put their needs above her own.

As the mother-in-law and sisters-in-law of the heir they would be able to live at Longbourn as long as they needed. They would be safe. His thoughts went to his sister, what would have happened to her if he was not there after their father’s death.

He could not blame her for that. If only he had realised her situation sooner it might have been them that were engaged. No, he could not blame her for that!

* * *

Longbourn - Elizabeth

Elizabeth did not linger downstairs after Mr Darcy’s departure, Hill had come to inform her that Mr Bennet was awake and asking for her.

Relieved to have an excuse to leave Mr Collins’s company and not be present when her mother returned to the house, she went quickly to her father.

He was sitting up in his bed, his face pale and his eyes heavy.

“There you are, my dear,” His voice was hoarse and speaking was clearly painful for him.

“Oh, Papa.” Elizabeth said softly.

“We will not speak of that now, there is something else. Your mother will stay with me this evening.” He paused for a moment, his eyes closed. Elizabeth, alarmed, went to his side.

She sat with him until he fell asleep again. She only left his side when Jane came to call her to get ready for their evening engagement at Netherfield.

“Mama will be with him.” Jane said quietly, trying to reassure her sister.

“I know,” Elizabeth replied, “but he looks so weak.”

Jane gripped her hand, unable to say what they were both thinking.

They got dressed and did their hair in silence.

Elizabeth smoothed her dress, trying to ignore the voice in her head that whispered this should be a joyous time for a newly engaged woman.

Instead, she felt only a heavy sense of duty.

She had made her choice for her family’s sake.

She would endure, she would find a way to thrive, even in circumstances not of her choosing.

Mr Collins was waiting for them downstairs, with Mary standing close by, listening to him patiently.

“Ah, my dear Elizabeth.” Mr Collins greeted her, “you look very well indeed. I am sure Lady Catherine would like that dress very much - it puts me in mind of one of Miss de Bourgh’s simpler gowns that she wore one morning at Rosings.”

Thankfully he was interrupted by the arrival of Kitty and Lydia who joined them rather noisily.

“Jane, do you know who else is going to be there tonight?” Kitty asked.

“It cannot only be Mr Bingley and Mr Darcy. There must be at least some officers there.” Lydia added eagerly.

Jane considered for a moment before replying, “I am not sure. Mr Bingley was going to ask a few others, but he did not mention who he was planning on asking.”

“We shall see when we arrive,” Mary interjected, her tone practical as always.

“La, how dull you all are. How can you not know Jane? You are basically en-” Lydia was silenced by Elizabeth standing on her foot.

“Ow! Lizzy, that was my foot.” Lydia exclaimed .

“Oh dear, I am sorry Lydia.” Elizabeth said, smiling at Jane, who was trying hard not to laugh, she added, “Is that the carriage?

The thought of dining out grated on Elizabeth’s already frayed nerves.

She did not like the idea of leaving her father with his situation steadily growing worse.

She was also worried about seeing Mr Darcy again.

She was fearful that she had made a mistake in telling him about her father.

But strangely she did feel lighter, by telling Mr Darcy she had lifted a burden she did not know she had been carrying.

The journey from Longbourn to Netherfield was short in distance but long in contemplation for Elizabeth.

As the carriage rolled through the darkening countryside, she found her thoughts alternating between concern for her father and apprehension about the evening ahead.

The lights of Netherfield soon came into view, and with them, the necessity of setting aside her private worries for the public face of sociability.

Mr Collins spoke almost non-stop the entire carriage trip about his pleasure to be going back to Netherfield and about how it compared to Rosings Park.

Elizabeth took a deep breath, reminding herself of the reasons for her choice.

She would endure this, for her family’s sake.

She would find a way to thrive, even in circumstances not of her choosing.

They entered the drawing room at Netherfield and found that they were not the first to arrive. Colonel Foster was standing near the fire with one or two of the officers, who Elizabeth did not know.

She did not see Mr Darcy at first, but then she spotted him standing by himself in a dark section of the room, looking out of a window.

Her heart quickened, though whether from embarrassment about her earlier encounter with him or something else, she couldn’t quite say.

She resolved not to think of him again this evening.

Her mother was right, it would be better if she did not think about him at all.

This, however, the gentleman in question made quite impossible.

For he turned and smiled at her and walked towards her as if to speak but Mr Collins stepped forward and engaged him in conversation. Elizabeth decided to enjoy her time while Mr Collins was not with her.

There were a few other gentlemen and one or two other ladies. Mr Bingley had done well gathering a small group together. The question of music had also been resolved as he had hired two violinists to play for them.

When observing Jane’s genuine happiness with Mr Bingley, Elizabeth reflected on the difference in their situations, Jane felt everything she should for him, as he seemed to for her.

Elizabeth looked after Mr Collins who was still speaking to Mr Darcy.

Her feelings were not at all romantic for Mr Collins, had she not just fled his company?

While Mr Collins was not the husband she would have chosen, Elizabeth reminded herself that at least she would have the means to help her family and the opportunity to do good in the community.

The butler’s resonant voice announced dinner, setting the party in motion. Though her back was turned, she could sense Mr Darcy’s approach, his presence filling the room in a way Mr Collins never could.

As Elizabeth was about to leave the drawing room Kitty and Lydia pushed past her with two of the officers. She stumbled back into Mr Darcy. They were pressed close together, but the flow of people prevented them from speaking.

She thought he might lead her through to dinner, but Colonel Foster politely took her arm and led her though. The Colonel sat down next to her and Mr Collins on her other side while Mr Darcy was at the other end of the table.

Elizabeth caught herself looking at Darcy, then quickly averting her gaze. She chided herself for giving his opinion any weight, yet found her thoughts returning to him again and again.

It was not until the gentleman joined the ladies in the drawing room after dinner that the dancing began. Mr Collins very quickly asked Elizabeth to dance, and she reluctantly agreed.

Mr Collins pressed uncomfortably close, his breath hot on Elizabeth’s cheek as they turned. The overpowering scent of Mr Collins’ pomade made Elizabeth’s head swim.

“My dear Elizabeth,” Mr Collins said, drawing her closer than proprietary allowed, “I’ve been considering the arrangement of our future home. Lady Catherine has graciously suggested we might expand the chicken coop.”

Elizabeth stiffened at his proximity. “Indeed?” she managed to reply.

Mr Collins, oblivious to her discomfort, continued as they turned, “What are your thoughts on raising poultry?”

“I’ve not had much experience with chickens, Mr Collins,” Elizabeth said, relieved as the dance momentarily separated them. As they came together again, Mr Collins resumed his monologue. "

My dear Elizabeth, I look forward to seeing you greet each new day with the enthusiasm befitting a clergyman’s wife.”

Elizabeth silently prayed for the dance to end, acutely aware of every point where Mr Collins’ body nearly touched hers.

Elizabeth briefly recalled dancing with Mr Darcy at the Middletons’ ball and wondered if he would dare to ask her to dance again tonight.

As the thought occurred, she chastised herself for thinking it.

“I look forward to our quiet evenings together, improving our minds with edifying literature.”

From across the room, Jane caught Elizabeth’s eye, her concerned look confirming that Mr Collins’ proximity was as noticeable as it was improper .