Page 82 of Mr. Brightside

It was profoundly intimate. And I’m already craving another round.

It wasn’t just about the sex, though. I’ve never been wrapped up in another person like this. He may think he needed me tonight—that what I did was for his benefit. But the crest of emotions that finally came to a head was the most transcendental experience of my life.

This man letting me in: physically, emotionally, mentally—it’s not something I take for granted. I know him well enough now to know just how huge this step is for our relationship.

We still haven’t talked about what we’re doing; what this new version of us means. I’m itching to know how things have changed and how he feels about the original parameters we set. But I’m so sated by his love, fortified by the confidence I feel when I’m with him. No previous relationship or partner ever felt like this. Nothing compares to Jake. Nothing has ever felt this good. This right. This special. This real.

I hold back a snort at the notion of being in the most “real” relationship I’ve ever experienced with a man who married me for money. A nibble of anxiety tries to pick at the edges of my bliss, but I silence the noise of my rioting mind and wrap him in my arms even tighter.

I trace the tattoos on the arm he’s got slung across my bare chest as he sleeps. I do this often—watch him and just hold him while he sleeps. He’s so animated and jovial when he’s awake. It’s a privilege to see him like this: Soft. Vulnerable. Not putting on a show or cracking a joke to make someone else smile. He’s the most effervescent individual I’ve ever known. I love those things about him: but he’s so much more than the mask he wears for the world.

I see it. I seehim.

I think he’s finally starting to see it, too.

I outline the familiar Route 8 road sign on his bicep, mindlessly drawing an infinity pattern over the 8 like I do every night before I fall asleep.

Infinity.

Forever.

That’s what I want with him.

I want this to last forever.

Chapter 34

Jake

Isensehimbesideme, and my body relaxes. Eyes closed, I reach out in the darkness, grasping for something true. I don’t have to reach far. I readjust his arms so he’s holding me in an embrace, even in sleep. We always end up a tangle of limbs in the middle of the night. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

I’ve never experienced anything like this. There’s a primal longing and sense of satisfaction dueling for supremacy in my mind. I can’t get enough of him.

He’s a comfort I’ve unknowingly craved for years.

He’s the reason I feel safe, seen, loved.

In a matter of weeks, the man I married for practical reasons has elevated my life in ways I never imagined possible.

I’m not alone.

We’re in this together.

He’s right there.

This thing that’s been growing between us—it multiplied tenfold tonight. I don’t just feel him. I’m tethered to him. Protected from the storm. Galvanized by his love.

There’s no way to describe the depth in which he sees me.

And for the first time in my life, I want to be seen.

With Cory, I don’t have to pretend. I don’t have to fake it. I don’t have to make myself larger than life to meet his expectations.

The way this man loves me…

Fuck.

He loves me.