Page 31 of Mr. Brightside

What? This is Jake Whitely we’re talking about. He’s been the town’s most notorious playboy for as long as I’ve worked at Clinton’s. I could line up everyone within a certain age bracket, man or woman, and it’d probably be easier to pick out the people hehasn’thad sex with. Sex is who he is. It’s what he’s known for.

And yet.

He’s sitting beside me, under a vow of honesty thanks to this stupid movie, and I don’t think he’s lied to me yet.

I’m inclined to believe him.

“Can I ask why?” I cautiously inquire.

He shrugs. “You can. But I don’t have some revolutionary answer. Casual hookups stopped feeling like something I enjoyed and started feeling more like a chore. I can’t even pinpoint when it happened because I didn’t know it was happening at the time, ya know? Tori and Rhett were both going through a lot, individually and together. I started hanging out with different people. My entire schedule changed because of The Oak. I guess I changed, too.”

He pulls out his phone then, determined. “I’ve been tested since my last hookup, of that, I’m sure. I’ll forward you the results right now.” He fiddles with his phone for a minute. Then, as soon as he locks the screen, I feel mine vibrating in my pocket.

“I don’t mean anything by sending that,” he rushes to explain. “I just want you to believe me. We don’t have to rush into anything, and we’ll obviously use protection. I just want you to feel like you can trust me and to know I’d never put your health at risk.”

I don’t know what to say. I pull out my phone to buy myself a few seconds, desperate to come up with an adequate response to match his openness and honesty.

I click on the PDF he just emailed me, squinting to see all the negative results on the STI panel. I’m about to close out of the screen when I notice the date and time stamp at the bottom of the page.

The results are from eighteen months ago.

Jake and I hooked up for the last time just before Tori’s birthday during my first year of grad school. February of last year.Eighteen months ago.

“You haven’t been with anyone since this panel?” I confirm.

“I have not.”

Realization slams into me and knocks the air out of my lungs. If what Jake says is true—and I really do believe him—then his last sexual partner was actuallyme.

I try to temper the shit-eating grin threatening to give away my delight. Knowing I was his last and that I’m about to be his only for the next two years turns me all warm and gooey on the inside. It also strokes my ego in a way, this possessiveness I didn’t know I had in me rearing its head once again.

I don’t tell him any of that, though. I wouldn’t dare. Instead, I rely on my tried-and-true future therapist response.

“Thank you for sharing that with me.”

He nods solemnly before turning the tables. “Okay—same question. How many people have you been with?”

“Six,” I reply without having to think about it.

“That is… admirably low.” He chuckles to himself.

“I told you before: I’m a relationship guy. I had a sort-of secret boyfriend in high school. He wasn’t out, but I was, and you know how that always ends up.” I sigh as I recall the heartache of that first love feeling.

“Then I was serious with a guy my freshman year of college, and I dated a soccer player during my senior year. I was with a guy in my grad school cohort but just for a few months. Then my most recent relationship was with a guy named Andre. Even though that ended at the beginning of the year, it was a really hard break up. I haven’t dated anyone since.”

“That’s five,” Jake counters as soon as I’m done speaking.

My cheeks flush as I realize he’s right: I skipped over one.

“Who’s six?” he presses, taking a sip of his drink without taking his eyes off me.

I pray for courage and steel my spine before answering. “I didn’t think I had to mention you in the lineup since you’re obviously aware of our history.”

“Wait.I’msix?” he boasts. Leave it to Jake to be proud of his place on my very small roster.

I roll my eyes to tame his ego. “Technically, you’re number four. I’ve had two relationships since you and I hooked up.”

“But everyone else you mentioned was a boyfriend?” he challenges.