Page 24 of Moonlight Bonds (The Nexus #4)

Chapter

Twelve

ONYX

I lean against the door frame, watching Gwen softly stir in her bed.

Her long dark hair is spread out across the white pillows, and even in the depths of wherever she is right now, she is so beautiful.

The white sheets make her look so much paler than usual, and even though she comes back from death every single time.

.. I believe it takes something from her soul.

Death has a claim on my mate, and I won’t stop until she never has to risk meeting death again.

She won’t die forever. I can tell myself it over and over, but until she opens her eyes and replies with a sarcastic quip, it’s hard not to freak out.

I don’t want her to see how much we all fear that she won’t come back to us.

That death will steal her away somewhere we cannot touch.

“She is still not waking up. Why?” Finnegan growls, stomping around the room like the bear he is.

I understand why we are like this; that feeling of helplessness when it comes to Gwen is suffocating.

It’s always Gwenieve giving up something, fighting too much and taking it too far.

I know there isn’t a world I could stop her because she is brave, reckless and fucking amazing.

It doesn’t mean her actions don’t echo down through what is left of my soul and crush it.

“I don’t know, but leaving dent marks in the flooring might not help. ”

“Did your Nexus tell you that?” Finnegan watches me carefully for my answer.

Fuck, I don’t blame him. I don’t trust myself.

He doesn’t trust me, and none of the others do.

There is always a reason why they have to stay in the room when I’m in it—their eyes observing me like I’m going to flip on them.

Gwenieve doesn’t notice it, and I’m glad she hasn’t.

I’d have to explain to her that her other mates are right not to trust me.

..my Nexus is gone. I can’t feel him, and he hasn’t spoken to me since Starlight City fell.

I’m not sure what happened, but I don’t think that I’m not beyond broken.

I will spend what is left of my shattered soul making sure Gwenieve has a good life.

..then I don’t know. I’ve only accepted that I don’t have a future, or anything to hope for past the moments I’m given every day.

Though Finnegan has never directly asked me.

None of them have, and I don’t have an answer, just like I didn’t for Gwen.

“I can sense he’s somewhere, and we are connected... but it’s a thin line between what I’m imagining and what is real.” I answer him as truthfully as I can.

“Do you think sleeping with her, telling her it’s all going to be okay, and pretending is really what is best for her long term?

She is in love with you, and someone needs to say it—you’re going to hurt her if you continue like this.

Onyx... you need help. We should go to the priests who escaped Starlight and ask them to help you.

I’ve contacted them already, and they—" Finnegan pats his hand on my shoulder, and I shake my head.

“No.” Finnegan tenses at my bark. “Not because I want to hurt her, Finn, I want to give her every part of me I can before it’s too late.

I’m taking every moment I can with her, and it’s selfish, but we both know what we are doing.

Something is coming for me and her, Finn.

Going to the priests will mean I’m not at her side when she needs me.

I’ll fight with her until she is safe?—"

“When is she ever safe? She has never been, not in this lifetime, not in the past. Not ever!” Finnegan snaps at me, his eyes flickering into darkness. “But losing any of us? We know she won’t recover. So, fix your Nexus first, and I will make sure she is here when you are back.”

“I can’t.” I push his hand off me. “Can your Nexus sense her back yet?”

Finnegan searches my face, and he doesn’t hide his disappointment.

Fine, he can be disappointed. He doesn’t get it.

If I demanded he leave her side to sit with the priests for months, he wouldn’t go.

Not now. Not when the Vian king is hunting her.

Finnegan walks to Gwen’s bed, his eyes going soft.

“She’s fine and sleeping. I can sense she is back, but she needs rest. I imagine she will wake soon. ”

“I’m going for a walk.” I look at her one more time before turning around.

“Don’t go far.” He warns me. I don’t know whether he’s warning me that for Gwen or whether it’s for himself. I know they’re all concerned about me. I feel them all watching me more and more often, and it’s clear Finnegan doesn’t want me here when I’m broken. Fuck, what am I doing?

I head out of the corridor just to pass Annie, who nearly stumbles and drops a tray, but I reach out and grab it before it hits the floor, using my shield magic to make sure all the plates, food and drinks do not fall off. I hold it up for her. “There you go.”

“Thanks, Onyx.” She blows a strand of her hair off her face.

She goes to walk around me, but she stops on the step above, looking back.

“I wanted to say I am sorry about your father. I knew him my entire life; he was good friends with my parents. I know he wasn’t a good man, Onyx, but it is okay to feel sad that he is gone.

I am sorry for your mother too. I met her only once or twice; she never seemed to like coming to my home.

” Yeah, I know why now. Annie is living proof of her mate’s affair.

It must have hurt her to see Annie and my father anywhere near each other.

“Well, I just wanted to say I’m a member of the no parents’ club and what it feels like to lose them.

I know Gwen is too. We are here for you.

I just wanted you to know you have a friend, Onyx. ”

“It means a lot, Annie.” I nod to her. Shit, should I tell her the truth?

I know I could, but the question is, should I?

As I look at her now, I don’t see any of my father in her face or eyes.

She must look like her mother, whom I barely remember.

I want Gwen with me when I tell Annie the truth, because she will need her best friend.

I wonder if Annie ever had any suspicions, or if her Nexus has said anything to her.

Nexus always know and the fact she hasn’t said anything, makes me concerned the truth might really upset Annie.

The trust does not escape my lips, even if I want it to, because she’s all the family I have left in the world now outside of Gwen and the men she is bonded to that I call my brothers.

It should be a good thing I have a half-sister, but right now, I’m broken.

Barely holding it together for my mate. It’s hardly like I can protect Annie and be any sort of useful half-brother that she might need.

“Are you okay?” She asks me, and I snap out of my thoughts. “I was just going to take some drinks and biscuits through in case Gwen wakes up soon, and she’s hungry. Did the healer say anything else when they left?”

“Her aunt sent the best healer in the city, and she just said that she’s alive, but somewhere else. That she’ll wake if she has before and all her injuries are healed completely.” I rub my jaw. “I’m sure she will appreciate food and drinks when she wakes. Especially the chocolate cake I see.”

Annie laughs. “There has been more than once we have eaten cake for breakfast, while still in pyjamas and sitting in one of our beds.” Her face lights up with the memory.

Then she stares at me. I swear I hear her Nexus in the air, searching for mine.

If my mate can’t find my Nexus, my sister won’t be able to.

“Are you okay?” She clears her throat. “I don’t know if you want to talk about Starlight City and what it must have been like in the city when.

.. they all died.” She gulps. “We both grew up in Starlight and loved it. I can listen for as long as you need if you want to talk about our home.”

Home.

Gwenieve is my home, and Starlight City was always simply a city to me.

“Thank you for the offer.” My voice cracks as I feel what it was like in the city as death reigned.

The feeling of death, seeing my mother die, the blackout and then waking up to my father dead.

All of it drowns me. I walk off before I tell her anything else stupid, like she’s my half-sister and I’m a broken piece of shit.

Her parents lied to her for her whole life, and fuck knows what happened all those years ago between the people we called parents.

They are all dead now, so I guess we won’t be getting those answers anytime soon.

I walk through the apartment and out onto the balcony for some fresh air.

The left-side balcony overlooks the city, all the way to the beaches to the south.

I close my eyes as I sit down on one of the armchairs and stare at the sea.

I remember my mother taking me to a private beach in France on the few trips we made out of Starlight City when I was a kid.

We ran on the white sand for hours and swam in the cold sea.

We were never really alone; rangers watched the entire beach, but it felt like just us two.

I was a kid that day, not the son of my father, who wanted me to be his double.

I was just a kid. I never laughed as much as I did that day with my mother, and I never saw her smile like that.

I want to take Gwen to that French beach one day, show her all the places I’ve seen and let her show me all the world she travelled when she ran from us.

For that, we need a free world, and I don’t see the Vian king letting Gwen go anytime soon.

“Onyx.” I turn around to see who called me, but the doors for the apartment are gone.

There is now a brick wall, with no gaps or windows, just nothing.

I look up, seeing thick dark clouds stretching across the sky and blocking out all of the sunlight.

What the fuck? On instinct, I reach for my Nexus, but the emptiness only makes me feel more alone than ever.

This can’t be real. I smack my hands against my eyes, just as a male voice that sounds so familiar whispers on the wind to my ears.

“Time is coming to an end for our kind. You belong in the sky, dark one.”

“Who the fuck are you? Where are you?” I shout, turning around as if I can see this man. Ghost. Creature. I don’t know what it is, but sometimes I hear his voice, never as clear as this. “Why are you so familiar? Who are you?”

Male laughter fills my ears, old, ancient laughter. “Your end.”

A hand slams onto my shoulder, and I roughly grab the hand, twisting to break it.

Alek growls, flinging me off him. I blink and the sky is clear; the voice is gone, and the glass windows are showing me the apartment once more.

Aleksander stares at me with confusion. “The fuck was that for? I was just waking you up.”

“Sorry, bad dream.” I shrug, my heart still racing.

“Yeah, learnt my lesson about waking you up.” He rubs his hand, but his eyes are too assessing.

“Are you alright? Finnegan said that he spoke to you about the priest’s idea.

” Aleksander steps closer. “You know we only want the best for you. You, the others and Gwen are our bond group. Our family unit and when one of us isn’t well, we help.

Finnegan can be a little more blunt than he means to be, but he cares. We all do.”

Clearly, they had a group meeting about my future without me there. It shouldn’t hurt, but it does because it’s one more step away from them all. Away from the mate I’m desperately in love with. “Is she awake?”

Aleksander frowns at my change of subject.

“No. She’s now snoring lightly, so she’s just sleeping.

She’s okay, and we’re gonna take turns sitting with her.

The rest of us probably should get in the best shape we can for whatever fight is coming.

I wondered if you wanted to come for a run with me?

Might be good for you to get some fresh air.

” He looks at the seat. “What was the bad dream about?”

“Nothing.” I clear my throat.

“You know you can talk to me, right? I know a lot of things about the Nexus and the soul. I was trained with the priests since I was young?—"

“No priest of any of the old gods can help me now. They can’t help any of us.

That I’m sure of.” I stop him. “They would call me damned, and they would be right.” I walk to the door and open it.

“Let’s go for that run. You’re right about one thing—Gwen needs us in our best shape for the war coming for her. I won’t let anyone touch her.”

Even if I’m broken, I will fight for her until the end.