Page 23 of Moonlight Bonds (The Nexus #4)

Chapter

Eleven

I look down at the portal that’s opened right outside the building like the Gods couldn’t be more obvious that’s where they want me to go.

For once, I don’t want to run from this.

I was doing this to prove to the world that I am not a monster, but I’ve realised it only really matters that my mates and friends know the real me.

They can see through the title the world will always give me.

We’ve had two days here of some kind of normality and peace.

Two days to prepare the best we can for the trial, and littering my tight purple ranger clothing that my aunt gave me with weapons is the best we can do.

I know I could just leave the city and tell the Gods to fuck themselves, but the witch said I had to be here.

It’s the best hope I have of fixing everything, and I have to do what I can to make sure what happened in Starlight City never happens again.

“The twin Gods’ markings have been found around the city.

Two and three will test at the same time,” Finnegan informs me as he walks into the room.

My stomach drops. The Mortal God was the first test, and now the twins.

I was hoping for any of the others because the Crimson and Darkness Gods have always frightened me the most. There is something about them that made me want to never pray for their help—like they might ask for something too dark in payment.

Finn’s arms wrap around my waist, and he kisses my neck, making my eyes flutter closed. “They should be scared of you.”

“What do you think their test will be?” I whisper. I don’t feel like the badass version of myself I try to be. I feel scared. His hands tighten around me.

“There is no playbook, nothing. The tests are designed for you.” He blows on my neck. “We can just leave. Ignore what the Gods have demanded and just leave this city. I don’t care about anything but what you want.”

“How far would we get, Finn? I was told by the witch to come to the city. It cannot be a coincidence that the Gods are still doing the Rite. My aunt is right. The city is the best hope I have for trying to fix the world I’ve broken.

” I feel his shoulders drop behind me, feel the way he sinks his back into mine.

“I don’t like that I can’t stop you going into something so dangerous.” He brushes his cheek against mine.

I turn to look at him, brushing my lips across his lips. “This is my war, and I love that you don’t lock me away and stop me. I know every protective urge in you is going mad right now, and you are still standing up with me. I will show the Gods who I am, and I am not just a weapon.”

“You must.” He kisses me back, sending heat coursing down my spine. “But remember, they are just Gods. They aren’t our owners.”

“Crimson and Darkness.” I mutter their names. “Crimson, well, I’m not sure about that one, but Darkness is an old friend. It shouldn’t be too hard for me to figure out a way to win that trial.”

“Be careful,” he warns, and I don’t answer him with a false promise I can’t keep.

There is nothing safe about what I’m doing today, and we both know it.

I can’t be careful; I must be reckless in order to survive.

We only break away when the others come in, followed lastly by Onyx until all my mates are here.

Well, except for Rhodes and Severi, and it’s for the best they aren’t here.

Hollis waves a hand at the door. “We’ll walk down together.

” I think of Annie as I go in the lift with my mates, as they are all tense.

All of them look one second away from carrying me in the opposite direction to the portals.

Annie should be in the amphitheatre by now, as she went ahead because she couldn’t watch me walk in there again. I don’t blame her.

“I’m scared to go back to Starlight. That amphitheatre, I know it’s going to be…” I clear my throat. “The city will be quiet of life, and it’s because of me.” There’s not much they can say to make it all better when we know it’s going to be strange walking into Starlight City.

“Whatever is there, we face together,” Onyx offers. “As one.”

“One,” I whisper back, taking his hand in mine. So cold, even now, and he looks paler than he ever has been. I still can’t sense his Nexus, not at all.

The entryway is full of rangers, so many of them lining the walls.

They don’t look at us as we pass through and follow down the steps towards the portal.

I can see the amphitheatre on the other side, like looking at it through smoke.

I step through into the shimmering coldness of the air, and just as I feared, the city is silent.

I’m standing on the steps above, and I walk over the edge of the barrier, looking at that arena where all those people died because of the Mortal God last time.

I turn to my mates. “If I die down there, you know I’ll come back.

But the reason I come back is because I’m the Morrigan reborn.

I can die, because she cannot. I can age, but death will always escape me.

I didn’t tell you what my Nexus told me because, well, there hasn’t been the right moment to really discuss it.

She told me so much more. I think you already know, though.

If I fall down there, in the hands of those Gods, there’s a way you could save me, and you’ve known for a long time.

I want us all to stop keeping secrets, and I’m starting it off.

” They are all silent at what I’ve blurted out.

There are so many secrets that dance in the air between us.

I don’t think any of us have ever really, truly been honest with each other.

Gods, we’ve all been lying since that mating ceremony.

Hollis and Rhodes lied a lot longer before it.

“We know and we will be the monsters for you” is all Onyx is saying, and it’s enough to confirm my suspicion is right.

My Nexus is watching, and she sends warm shivers down my body.

I look at them all, and not one of them is confused—just not as shocked as I expected. “And you will not fall to them.”

“Exactly the fighting spirit I needed. Pray for me.” I throw myself over the banister before I think too much about it and before they say anything, because I know they have questions.

I chose to tell them now because it’s a shock and a good distraction from the Rite.

Not sure what I’ll distract them with next time. Maybe my boobs.

People gasp at my dramatic entrance as I slam into the sand, and that certainly got their attention too.

The sound of my thud echoes as I listen to the city outside and how silent it is.

Thick grey clouds linger in the air, and the city feels hollow.

Like it’s all gone, even if I know that’s not true. There is city left.

I choose to focus on the seats where Onyx’s father used to sit with his betas.

I assume all the other betas are dead. None of them have managed to find their way to Morriganis City, from what my mates have found out.

My aunt is sitting there now, with two female betas at her side.

I’m all for women’s power, and it’s shining through like gold with my aunt.

I think I admire her for what she has created. Why did my mother run from her?

I walk to stand right in the centre, with my breaths coming out like fog in front of my face.

I stop only when the mark on my arm burns.

I look in the sky, just as two shadows drop down, right out of the thick clouds.

One is red; one is the darkest black. They swirl around each other, dancing almost in the sky as more gasps echo across the crowd.

My heart races like a drum as I watch, feeling the air growing bitterly cold.

It’s only seconds before they slam into the sand on either side of me, leaving behind two gigantic mirrors.

The mirrors stretch wide, reflecting each other, reflecting me and nothing else.

One is framed in red; the other is framed in black.

Red fog quickly covers the floor around the amphitheatre, and the air goes pitch black, making it impossible to see my mates or anything else but the mirrors. I’m alone.

My eyes widen when I look in the red mirror, and Severi is standing there. He steps towards me when I step closer to him. Feeling eyes on me, I turn back, and in the other mirror, it’s Rhodes. I feel torn between the two, and I’m not sure who to run to. They can’t really be here…I think.

“What do you want?” I shout to the twin Gods. “You have me here now and some creepy mirrors…and my mates. What do you want, as I’m growing bored?”

“Crimson is the colour of red,” echoes in my mind, in my left ear. “Blood that you poured so much of. Blood that lies between you and the prince. It’s decades old.”

Darkness whispers in my other ear, male and old. I turn as if I might find him there, but I’m still alone. “Look at the river that he’s in, that of shadows, that of where light does not conquer. I will show you every failure, every selfish moment…”

Crimson comes back, whispering once more into my ear. “I will show you every passion, every desire. We twist as one as we get into your mind, and you will break before us.”

“Together, we break your mind,” whispered over and over. “For I am Crimson, and we see the depths of your soul and find you unworthy to walk free from this rite.”

“You’re wrong.” Rhodes slams against the glass on the other side.

“Listen to me, Gwen, they are wrong. You are so worthy of everything you desire, and anyone who doesn’t see that is a fool.

It doesn’t matter what your Nexus is, which Goddess she is, but it matters who you are.

You are pure and kind; you fight for the weak and open your heart to even the most broken.

You’ve been beaten over and over again, even by your parents, even by those who should have told you the truth first, yet you still stand up and fight.

There is no one else worthy on this broken planet. Don’t you dare break for them!”

I’m thrown straight across into glass, slamming into it where Severi is on the other side.

He screams for me, but I can barely hear him now, all sound fading so fast. My hands and legs feel frozen as blood starts pouring down my arms, pouring out my eyes and my mouth.

I scream. I see them, the faces of every life I’ve taken in my mind.

They flick across my mind one by one. So fast, so quick, so many.

I scream, covering my eyes and wanting it to stop. I keep screaming and screaming.

I barely hear the thudding, but I do. Thudding not just against everything else, but against my soul.

Severi. I barely manage to open my eyes and face him, seeing him on his knees right in front of me.

“Get up! Break the glass and accept who you are. Once you accept yourself, you cannot be broken. You are complete,” he roars. “GWENIEVE, GET UP!”

“Break it and acknowledge that you did this and that it cannot be undone,” Rhodes’s shout echoes to me.

“It’s over. They’re feeding off your indecision, off your guilt and fear.

You are more powerful than they can ever imagine, and you have something they never understood: mates.

Love. Family. I know this because I’m connected to Crimson just as Hollis is connected to Darkness.

I see them and feel their wants…like your Nexus. ”

“It’s true. Their Nexus are like mine, a high being locked into a soul,” I whisper, still seeing their faces before my eyes, unable to make it stop.

I cry as I start to feel their pain, their screams, their hopelessness.

It’s enough to send me insane. I know that maybe that’s what they wanted, to truly send me over the edge.

They stop me from wanting to feel, to be with my mates, to live.

Suddenly, the flickering of faces comes almost to a halt, until there’s one face, then two faces that I cannot look away from. My parents.

“Break the glass,” my mother whispers. “And be free from this guilt once and for all. Be angry for you and the Morrigan. You paid a price since you were a child. Now it’s time for the world to pay you back.”

I feel them take my hands, and I feel them slam them forward.

Giving me strength when I can’t find it myself.

Crimson and Darkness scream in my ears for me to stop.

I don’t. The glass fractures once, just one long crack in the middle between my parents.

I do it one more time with their help, it cracks twice.

I know it’s the last time I’ll ever see them as I lift my hand one more time and, with my parents’ smiles, I shatter the glass.

“Forgive us.” These are the last words I hear from my mother.

I do.

The shards of glass rain around me in a storm of red, cutting into me.

Severi vanishes. I spin around to see Rhodes’s mirror just as it shatters too, into a thousand pieces, and they fly into the air.

I shout out, covering my face as the shards cut into me over and over.

I gulp through the pain, tears stinging my eyes, and when it stops, I fall onto my side and look up at the escaping Darkness and Crimson, just shadows of black and red in the cloudy sky.

I know they are watching as I smile and let death take me once again.