Page 77 of Missed Steps

“No.” My voice cracks.

Mark’s confusion lasts a second longer, and then tension creeps into his shoulders as understanding dawns on his face. He jerks his gaze around, but there’s nobody else.

“He was there, and then Eddie was there, and I—” My voice shakes badly. I’m not crying, but I want to. I can feel a tight ball of panic inside me, blocking the tears. “I said a lot of shit, Mark. And Eddie only came over to see if I was okay, so don’t be mad at him. Alright?”

Mark wraps his arm around my shoulders. “Alright, I understand. Let’s go to my car, and we’ll get out of here. Eddie, do you mind…” Mark hesitates. “Do you mind grabbing my things from the gym?”

“Fine.”

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Once I’m in the car, I start to come down from my panic. It fades into profound unease, but the worst of the fear withdraws, letting me take in deep breaths. Mark watches with deep lines furrowing his brow.

“You’re okay,” Mark reassures. He reaches out, and I flinch.

“Don’t,” I say. There’s a thready desperation in the word. And I hatehow unstable I sound. I force myself to breathe as Mark lowers his hand.

“Hands to myself,” he says, setting them on his lap. There’s nothing but patience in his voice. No hint of anger or frustration or hurt.

“I’m sorry. I just need a few minutes to calm down.”

“Take as long as you need.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, willing the part of my brain that is rational to kick in.Rationally,I know Ronan can’t do to me what he did before. Rationally,I know that I kissed Mark in public only moments before seeing Ronan and the world didn’t end. I repeat another dozen rational statements, yet they seem so flimsy next to my gut reaction upon seeing Ronan. Thatfelt real.

“Kyle?” Mark says gently, drawing me from my thoughts.

I open my eyes to see him offering a hoodie.

“Can you put this on for me?” Mark asks.

I take it, becoming aware of my shivering as I do so. I also notice Eddie in the back seat, sitting silently. I didn’t even hear him get in the car, too swept up in my own thoughts. Mark is careful not to touch me as I pull on the hoodie.

“Do you want Eddie to leave?” Mark asks next.

I picture Eddie bristling in the back seat, and with shaky determination, I shake my head. “I’m fine now.” It’s such an obvious lie, but Mark doesn’t call me out on it.

“Call Chris,” Mark instructs. “Or I can, if you prefer.”

“I put my phone in your bag.”

Eddie rustles around and hands it to me. I call three times. It’s the fourth try before I hang up and dig my palm into my forehead. “He’s on the plane,” I say, thickly. Another swell of panic threatens to engulf me. “He won’t be landing for another…” I check my phone. “Seven hours.”

“I’ll stay with you until then,” Mark reassures me. “We can go back to yours?”

I don’t say anything.

“Or we can sit here for seven hours, or I can drop you home. Whatever you want, Kyle.”

I swallow, glancing at Mark. The concern in his dark eyes reassures me. He won’t leave me alone. Even if I’m too on edge to touch him, I really, really don’t want to sit somewhere and stew for hours, stuck in my own head. “He had a letter that belonged to me, one from the hospital or the insurance company. I don’t know what was in it. I don’t know if it had my address or not.”

“You’ll stay at mine, then,” Mark says without missing a beat. “There’s no way he’ll have my address.”

“Is that okay?”

“Of course.” Mark turns the key in the ignition and the engine rumbles to life.

By the time we get to Mark’s place, I’m calm enough to reach out and catch Mark’s wrist as we walk toward his apartment. Mark studies my expression carefully as he slips his grip so that we’re holding hands. “Is this okay?”