Page 28 of Misfit Monsters (Pack of Outcasts #1)

Periwinkle

I would never lock you in a cage.

Raze’s words sweep through me, sparking glimmers of elation. How could he think he puts me in danger when he understands me that well, cares that much about making me feel cherished?

I run my fingers along his powerful jaw, reveling in the strength that emanates all through the body I’m pressed against. “Right here, right now, I only want you.”

His mouth crashes into mine with a needy rumble that sets all of me alight. It might be more than just my hair glowing now, but I don’t feel awkward about it.

I’m his Glowbug. He likes me just as I am.

A tremor ripples through my nerves at the brightness expanding all through me, but with each kiss and each caress, any trace of anxiety melts.

This doesn’t feel like the manic happiness that’s burst out of me before in a chaotic blaze.

The affection we’re sharing and the pleasure it provokes stay wrapped close around my heart, focused just on the two of us.

It's a more selfish kind of joy than when I’m lighting happiness in strangers, but that doesn’t make it wrong.

I yank at Raze’s T-shirt, and he pulls it off. The sight of the sinewy sculpted expanse beneath makes me even giddier. I trace my fingers over his chest, grinning at his groan.

He dips his head again to chart a teasing path along my neck, with the gentlest graze of his teeth and little flicks of his tongue. His voice comes out in a husky murmur that sends a fresh jolt of desire straight between my legs.

“I’m going to make you feel so good, Glowbug. We’ll take it slow so there’s no pain at all.”

He pauses, nuzzling my shoulder. “You’ve done this before?”

There’s no accusation in the question. I tease my fingers through his thick hair and give him another kiss.

“Yes. A few times. But this is already better. I didn’t really know them.

I’ve never… I’ve never felt close to anyone in all the different ways you can.

I was always moving around and exploring too much, and then… ”

The thought of the basement and the cages cuts off my voice. Raze growls as if he can scare those memories into submission and captures my mouth even more tenderly than before.

We peel off my shirt together, and it occurs to me that I can shed my jeans as quickly as thinking it. When I blink into the shadows and back in an instant, returning fully nude, Raze gives an awed chuckle.

He slides his hand up my thigh. As he strokes his fingers tentatively over the aching spot between my legs, a moan shudders out of me. I yank his mouth back to mine.

It does feel incredible—even better when I know how much this moment matters to him. When it matters to me beyond the momentary pleasure too.

I want to do this with Raze over and over. I want to cuddle next to him in the courtyard and talk about what we’re learning in our classes and join him on his hunts to taste the thrill of his feeding.

It’s true that he isn’t the only one I’ve started to get close to in the ways that run deeper than colliding bodies. I’ve never had a friend like Fen before. I’ve never started to recognize the patterns of joy and pain in another being the way I do now with Jonah and Mirage and even Hail, a little.

I’ve stumbled into a new dimension of happiness and connection that I only had a vague idea of from depictions in TV shows and fleeting observations of humans. All because I got dragged here to this school.

Even with all the rules and the beings who’ve picked on me, this place is the opposite of a cage. It’s given me more than I’ve given up.

And now I get to experience a bodily bliss I didn’t even know was possible. Raze slips a finger right inside me, and the pulse of pleasure has my head sagging backward. When my grip on his shoulders tightens, he gives another approving rumble.

It feels so good, but I crave even more. His matching eagerness washes over me like sparkling lemonade and peach pie.

I reach down his massive body to rub the bulge behind the pants he hasn’t yet removed. Raze’s groan reverberates into me with a carnal need as rich as toffee pudding.

He eases another finger inside me. Each pulse of them deeper sends another rush of pleasure up from my core.

“I don’t know if you’re ready yet,” he mutters.

I yank at the waist of his pants. “I am. So ready. Please.” I’m going to disintegrate from wanting so much .

Humans have to make this moment so much more complicated, but shadowkind don’t get pregnant or sick. We can follow this bliss as far as it’ll take us without a single worry.

With a ragged breath, Raze kicks off his pants. When he eases the head of his erection against me, I shiver in delight.

I lift my legs instinctively, and he slides right into the place where I’m slick with need.

Another groan tumbles from Raze’s lips. They seek out mine for kiss after wild kiss as our bodies rock to meet each other. With each thrust, he surges deeper, until I’m as full as I’ve ever been, so full I can’t imagine ever feeling empty again.

This is how it should always be. I don’t have to meld with anyone else unless it’s just as fulfilling as this moment.

I hold him close and buck with him until pleasure radiates through every particle of my being. Until it peaks and crashes over me in a deluge that leaves me crying out and clutching him.

Until Raze bows over me with a cry of his own and nestles me tight in his arms like he’ll never let go.

Maybe nothing else matters. Maybe this means everything can be all right.

The joy of my interlude with Raze carries me through two afternoon classes, but by the end of a physical training session under Gnash’s scowling instruction, my feet and ankles twinge with every step.

I don’t want to complain to Fen, so I walk slowly down the hall with a sigh to suggest I’m just tired. Which I am.

“We’ve got an hour before dinner,” she says, bouncing with an energy I don’t normally see from her. “Let’s go to the media room. I want to see if they have that movie we talked about in Mortal Culture class.”

The thought of walking into the dim room where the TV triggered my awful memories just days ago makes my gut knot. I take a deep breath.

At least I’ll be able to sit and rest my legs. And I have Jonah’s sorcery wrapped through my mind to hold back the worst of my powers. It would probably be good to face that spot and prove that it doesn’t have to bother me.

I smile at her. “Sounds like a plan!”

When we get to the media room, a few other beings have a different movie playing on the large screen. The roar of a car chase brings Fen and me over to the sofa.

One of the shadowkind motions for us to join them, and we end up sitting leaned against the sofa, watching as humans chase each other what seems like all the way around the world.

I’m pretty sure their argument could be fixed if they just talked to each other for more than five seconds, but at least they’re having fun.

With each passing minute, the frenetic thud of my heart smooths out. I am okay. It was an unlucky coincidence that I stumbled in here when the worst possible thing I could see was playing, after I was already upset.

I surreptitiously massage my ankles, hoping the lingering pain will have vanished by dinnertime. When we get up after the ending credits, I feel a little steadier.

Fen shakes her head with a giggle. “Humans like to imagine getting very mad at each other, don’t they? I guess it gives them an excuse to drive fast and see lots of different places.”

I have to laugh too. “It seems that way. I think some of them get mad a lot for real, but it’s less exciting in their regular lives. Maybe they like thinking they might get an adventure out of it.”

When we walk into the cafeteria, Fen claps her hands. “Oooh, we’re doing a buffet tonight. They always make those around themes. I wonder what region the food’s from today.”

A long serving table holds a dozen dishes covered by plastic lids to hold in the heat. Fen directs me to pick up a plate at one end, and we move from dish to dish with the line of fellow students, serving ourselves with massive spoons.

Fen puts a heap of yellow rice mixed with bits of chicken on her plate. “I think this is Indian. So many spices. Sometimes it makes my eyes water, but that’s better than my fingers dripping.”

I follow her lead, taking a little of everything. The savory scents swirling in the air make my stomach gurgle in anticipation. There’s a thick green curry with chunks of fried cheese, a mix of golden cauliflower and potatoes, goat meat in a brownish sauce and chicken in one that’s more orange.

Then Fen lifts the next lid, and the waft of the spicy smell makes my stomach tilt queasily.

The dish beneath is filled with chicken legs and thighs that shine vivid red. Like the pieces my captor would carry around in tin-foil wrapping; like the stain that’d coat his fingers and blaze on his tongue when he indulged in his favorite takeout.

The peppery smell would drift through the basement the whole night. Would waft off his breath when he’d lean close to the cage to poke at me?—

My hands wobble. My laden plate slips through my fingers and smashes on the floor.

Fen jerks around. “Peri?”

“What the fuck are you doing?” the shadowkind behind me mutters.

My gut is lurching like the cars in that movie now. I wrench my gaze away from the familiar dish, but images of the past keep ricocheting through my head alongside the smell filling my lungs.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I bend down to gather the pieces of the broken plate.

A sharper pang shoots up from my feet. My breath hitches, and I have to close my eyes for a second to squeeze back the tears.

Is it always going to be like this? I can be having the most wonderful day ever, and one wrong thing throws me totally off course.

How can I predict everything that’ll throw me back into the memories I’ve spent so long running away from?

“It’s okay,” Fen is saying, dashing over with another plate to help me collect the mess. “We can clean it up so fast.”

But it’s not okay. No one else freaked out because of a totally unoffensive food.

I smile and thank her and carry my ruined meal over to the trash can as if it’s no big deal. But the whole time a knife of doubt digs into the center of me.

What if I’m broken, as permanently as that plate? What if I can never get better?

And if that’s true, how can I be sure I won’t drag everyone I care about down with me?