Page 26 of Misfit Monsters (Pack of Outcasts #1)

Periwinkle

T he academy doesn’t have much in common with human farms, but the plain, boxy structure set back from the two main buildings is doing a reasonable impression of a barn. As I walk over to it through the dry desert wind, my skin prickles as if I’m engaging in illicit agricultural activities.

I’m allowed to be here. It’s still on the school grounds. And I couldn’t do much damage to the dusty earth, wizened shrubs, or craggy mountains rising in the distance even if I wasn’t under sorcerous command.

But it’s the first time I’ve left the reform building on my own. Is a teacher going to appear wagging a disapproving finger at me?

I make it to the sort-of barn’s door without any chiding. The hinges squeak as I slip inside.

The far wall stretches up two storeys to the building’s high ceiling. When I glance over, Jonah has already paused where he’s clinging to handholds two thirds of the way up.

What Shanty told me is a rock-climbing wall looks like a kindergartener’s version of stone. Brightly colored holds jut out in a variety of creative shapes.

I’m not sure why anyone practices climbing rocks in a big artificial box when there are actual mountains in sight, but I guess it saves a couple of hours’ driving.

And I’m glad Jonah isn’t a couple of hours from the school right now.

“Peri,” he calls as I walk to the padded mats at the base of the climbing wall. “I thought I was going to see you in an hour. Is something wrong?”

Before I can answer, he’s already clambering down. He took off his shirt for the climb, and a sheen of sweat gleams off his warm brown skin. His muscles flex with his movements.

A flicker of heat passes through me. How would his skin taste if I licked him?

A question I probably shouldn’t ask out loud.

When he’s close enough to the ground that I don’t have to yell, I clasp my hands together in front of me. “Shanty said you’d be out here. I wanted to see you before the group meeting—to talk to you about something privately. I’m sorry I interrupted.”

“It’s all right.” Jonah’s feet hit the ground. He reaches for a small towel to blot the perspiration on his face and chest. I don’t sense any emotion from him other than a faint flicker of self-consciousness.

Doesn’t he know how delicious he is to look at?

In any case, he honestly doesn’t seem upset. He peers at me from beneath the black waves of his hair, concern turning his eyes even darker. “What did you want to talk about? ”

A flare of my own self-consciousness washes over me. I look down at my hands.

“I thought you might be the best person to ask since you’ve had a lot of experience with mortal beings and shadowkind…

and you’ve always been nice to me, so you won’t laugh…

Why is anyone mean to anyone else? I’ve seen it from humans and from shadowkind.

It doesn’t make sense. They don’t even usually feel good while they’re doing it, not the way real happiness tastes. ”

Jonah blinks at me, looking lost. Maybe it’s too big a question for anyone.

But he doesn’t laugh, and I think the other administrators might have. Hail and Mirage definitely would—though with Mirage, not in a malicious way. Raze might think I was criticizing him. Fen wouldn’t have any answers.

So the strangely considerate sorcerer is my only chance at figuring it out. The uncertainty has been gnawing at me since Gloss’s insults yesterday.

Jonah delays his response by turning to put on his shirt, which is a shame, because it covers my view of his sculpted torso. His chest is still very nice to look at with the fabric overtop, but not quite as vividly so.

I decide it’s better not to mention those thoughts to him either.

When he faces me again, his mouth has gone crooked. “That’s a tough one, Peri. I don’t know how much thought shadowkind usually give that subject, but human beings have been grappling with it for hundreds—probably thousands—of years.”

I grimace. “So, no one knows?”

Jonah shrugs. “I don’t think you can know exactly, because everyone has different reasons.

But in my experience, cruelty is mostly about feeling in control.

Some people don’t know how to feel the better kinds of happiness, but they can figure out how to make someone else feel worse.

So they settle for a smaller satisfaction, knowing that at least they’re not the worst off around. ”

“Oh.” I know from the soft tingle of my hair that it’s shimmering my sadness at the idea. “That’s awful. For everyone.”

A hint of a smile touches Jonah’s lips. “You just want everyone to be as happy as possible, don’t you?”

I spread my arms. “Why wouldn’t I? If everyone lived that way, maybe no one would be so sour they want to smear their unpleasant feelings all over everyone else.”

“Life is pretty complicated. For mortals, because of all the pressures and responsibilities that go into navigating our society. For shadowkind, because you weren’t made to be part of this world and your instincts often clash with what’s acceptable here.

Sometimes things just can’t help but be tangled up. ”

I study him, focusing on his face now. “It’s been tangled for you, hasn’t it? Because you’ve lived around shadowkind so much, but you are human. How did you start feeling like you fit in at the school? Or with the shadowkind who raised you?”

Jonah’s smile fades. “To be totally honest, I can’t say I feel like I fit in even now . It’s a tricky balance, leading classes and using my sorcery to rein in the shadowkind who need it without being seen as an enemy.”

A twinge of guilt ripples through my gut with the knowledge that I saw him that way at first. “Then how do you stay happy?”

“Well, I do have a few beings on staff I know understand me, and students here and there who appreciate what I’m doing. And I take a lot of strength from the good memories from my past.”

He motions to the climbing wall. “Back home, growing up with my shadowkind ‘family,’ I was always climbing trees in the forest around the house. This is the closest I can get to that feeling here.”

I gaze up at the wall with its handholds, wondering how it would feel to haul my pudgier and much shorter body up that expanse.

Jonah’s voice softens. “You’ve already helped people even in the short time you’ve been at the academy, Peri.

I know some of the other students have been hard on you, but that doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.

I can see how hard you work at looking out for everyone around you.

You’ve kept up a positive attitude through so much.

It means a lot to me that you trust me after the horrible experience you had with that other sorcerer. ”

His reassurance lights a joyful glow inside me. I think it might be glinting out of my hair in cheerful yellow, but I don’t mind him seeing that.

“You’ve looked out for me too,” I say. “I know you’re not at all like that man. You want us to be as happy as we can be, just like I do.”

Jonah’s smile comes back, setting off an even brighter flare of warmth all the way through my body. “That’s true. I’d really like to see you find a place where you can feel free, without having to worry about your powers going wild.”

This conversation makes me think I could. What do Gloss or Hail or any of them know?

As long as I keep my goals in mind, I have to find a way to reach them.

I turn toward the wall, coasting on my momentary elation. “I want to try climbing. It looked exciting, being all the way up there.”

I’m already reaching for the nearest handholds above before Jonah can respond.

As I place my feet against a couple of lower holds, he makes a restrained sound of warning.

“The wall’s for everyone, but it can be a little tricky to keep your balance if you’re not used to climbing.

Take it slow, and watch out for any shifts in the holds.

Some of the ones higher up rotate for an extra challenge. ”

“I’m good!” I keep clambering onward, my spirits rising with each short distance I heft myself.

At first I move slowly, remembering Jonah’s cautions. But the climb is easier than I expected. I push myself a little faster, delighting in the extra thrill of the effort radiating through my muscles.

I’m shooting all the way to the top.

“Peri…” Jonah says in a worried tone, and at the same moment, the handhold I’ve just grasped whirls in my fingers.

My hand slips off. My balance wobbles, and I tumble right off the wall.

For a second, all I’m aware of is the air whooshing through my hair and the lurch of my pulse. A yelp breaks from my throat.

Then my body smacks into a pair of muscular arms that reached out to catch me.

I find myself gazing sheepishly into Jonah’s eyes. “Thank you. And sorry. I got too confident—and I should have just jumped into the shadows when I fell.”

Jonah exhales shakily and offers me a bemused grin. He’s so close that his gorgeous face makes my pulse skip again even though I’m perfectly secure now. “I can imagine it’s hard to think logically when you’re in freefall. I’m glad I could jump in there in time.”

My hand rises to his cheek as if of its own accord, following the chiseled angles of his cheekbone down to his jaw. “You look after me in lots of different ways.”

Something shifts in Jonah’s expression, with a waft of emotion that’s as tantalizingly sweet and heady as a Black Forest cake. It sparks a pang between my legs .

His head dips closer to mine, and for a second I think he’s going to bring our lips together in an embrace as delectable as the one I shared with Raze.

I might have closed the last short distance if Jonah didn’t tense a second later. He sets me down on the mat and backs up.

His face has flushed, but he’s managed to rein in most of the mouth-watering emotion. “I should get back to the school. I’ll see you there in a half hour to reinforce everyone’s commands.”

He strides out of the building before I can say another word.

I stare after him, my own emotions scattered. Was he upset? Why?

Does he have some objection to cakey deliciousness?

I push myself after him—and a massive, sinewy figure emerges from the shadows by the door.

Raze peers at me and then turns his head in the direction Jonah went, his muscular frame emanating aggression. “What does he think he’s doing with you?”