Page 62 of Mine

I took my earphones out and walked over to the car.

Luke’s blue eyes filled with concern as he motioned to the seat beside him.

I just can’t with this boy.

What made him think I would ever get in a car with him again? Better yet, why did he want me to?

“Luke, I would rather walk. Please leave me alone.”

I went to put my earphones back in when he touched my arm.

“You know what, Gretchen? We both kinda fucked up this past year. You hurt me. But then I was a dick, and I upset you. I’m sorry.”

He seemed genuine, and I finally met his gaze with mine.

“I love him, Luke. I’m sorry that I hurt you, but you and I have nothing else to say to each other.”

I noticed the pain in his eyes when he nodded.

“I know, but you know what G, he isn’t here, and Iam.I just want to be friends,” he mumbled, his eyes on mine.

Part of me wanted to scream at him and beg for any information on Cal, but I couldn’t bring myself to.

“Thank you, Luke, I really appreciate your offer of a ride. I hope you understand why I am saying no. Have fun tonight.”

I said this as firmly as I could, aware his eyes were still on me. I stepped back as the rain fell.

He gazed at me for a beat before smiling sadly, pulling away from the curb with speed.

The bus eventually made its way towards me like a beacon in the night, and I gratefully climbed on board. I sat by the window and stared out into the darkness; the music filling my ears.

I couldn’t banish the thoughts in my mind that were always there, reminding me that once I had feltsomethinginstead of this constant state of emptiness.

When I got off the bus, the rain was pouring. I considered my friends in their beautiful dresses, having to contend with this weather, as my boots disappeared into the small puddles that formed on the ground.

I walked past Cal’s house, my heart rate increasing as always, to see it shrouded in darkness. I stood for a minute. The tears that fell from my face blended with the rain, making it impossible to tell the difference.

Will this pain ever end? Will the thoughts ever go away?

I pushed away from the fence, heading towards my home, and left the memories behind.

The rain slammed onto the sidewalk, falling so heavily I could barely see in front of me.

Typical Winterburg rain.

I didn’t mind it tonight; it soothed my soul.

An orange glow burned in front of me for a split second, stopping me in my tracks. I searched for it again, but it had disappeared.

More mind tricks, Gretchen.

Maybe I was finally losing it, hallucinating along with everything else. I shook my head and moved faster, my head down now against the elements. I ran up the drive to my house, peeling off my coat and calling out to my parents.

It was warm and welcoming in the house, and I was grateful to be away from the world. I wandered into the kitchen to find a note from my parents letting me know they had gone out for dinner.

I knew they felt guilty for my unhappiness, but it wasn’t their fault. I tugged the elastic from my hair and flipped my head over, shaking the curls out. I flipped my head back and left it loose. I headed upstairs, thoughts of a bath and a book coming to mind.

I slung my dirty clothes into the laundry as I unclipped my bra with relief.