Page 59 of Mine

My Mom peered at me with concern. “Babe! What's happened?” She attempted to push my hair out of my eyes, but I moved away stubbornly. She drew her hand back gradually as I shook my head, then stared out of the window glumly.

Mom didn't get it, did she?

My life was falling apart in front of my eyes and all she could do is ask what had happened?

How can I say,Mom, I’m in love with a felon who I stayed out all night fucking, and for some reason you won't let me see him and now my ex is making my life as hard as possible?Oh, and I haven't heard from Cal in fucking days.

My tears fell silently as I stared out the window, refusing to communicate with my mom.

Time passed, and I struggled to function.

I was going to school, avoiding everyone, coming home and crying, sleeping then repeating the pattern.

I hadn't heard from Cal, and I was worried something had happened to him. He wouldn’t just leave me, not without explaining it to me first. My mind was in overdrive, my thoughts meshing into a chaos I couldn't even begin to make sense of.

My parents were happy though, I heard them laughing at ridiculously mundane tv shows and living their life.Together.

I felt empty inside, but I was powerless. The only options I had were to break more rules to go and see Cal at his house, or sit and wallow in self-pity.

I laid in the darkness, listening to the silence. My phone pinged and instead of leaping up like I had been, I ignored it, slipping the volume key to silent.

I don’t want to speak to anyone.

Without Cal in my life, I couldn’t exist successfully.

I remembered his arms around me, and felt my heart breaking with longing: his soft lips on mine, his striking eyes gazing at me. His fingers as they laced with mine as we lay in bed, in a world that was totally our own.

The pain I felt pretty much every day was becoming so familiar, I felt like I had to do something.

A knock at my door interrupted my thoughts, and I turned on my side, refusing to acknowledge it.

I’m too angry and hurt.

The door opened softly, and the bed dipped as someone put their weight on it.

“Gretchen.” My father's voice invoked a fresh lot of tears to spill down my cheeks. “Gretchen, you need to look at me, honey.”

His voice was soft and calm, but I shook my head.

Didn't he know the damage was done?

My father sighed as he sipped from his glass of wine. There was a silence between us until he spoke again. “The day you were born was the happiest day of my life. I didn't think I could've loved anyone like I loved your mother until I met you.”

I closed my eyes as he continued.

“You always have amazed me. I watched you learn to walk, to talk, to laugh. I love the person you have become. You are intelligent, beautiful andusuallyvery sensible,” he chuckled at this part. “When you didn't come home the other night, when we couldn't reach you...I haven't ever felt fear like it. Then Luke came over and told us about this boy you were seeing, and I actually hoped you were with him.”

I opened my eyes in surprise.

“The thought of you being with someone who cared about you was a damn sight better than those I was imagining.” his voice broke a little then, and I sat up. He glanced over at me, his eyes wet. “Your mother and I didn't sleep at all that night. I wanted to call the police, but your mother knew it had something to do with this boy,” he shook his head. “Mothers are always right, you know,” he added gently as I stared at my hands. “So, anyway, Gretchen. We were so worried. I'm sorry you feel so sad, it kills me seeing you this way. I don't want you anywhere near someone who could hurt you.”

My head snapped up at this.

“Cal cares about me, Dad, he really does. He wouldneverhurt me. I love him.”

He acknowledged this sadly, before he gave me a tender smile. “I thought as much. If that's the case, nothing or no one will keep you apart. So, you have a curfew young lady, but you aren't grounded anymore. One red flag and you are back to being grounded. If your grades slide, it stops. Am I clear?”

I threw my arms around him.