Page 17 of Maxim (The Syndicates #12)

W hen Maxim slips through the door, I can’t help but sit up a little straighter. He slipped out this morning while I was in the shower. When I got out, I was kind of sad to see him gone, but Thea quickly distracted me.

We spent the day doing something that she called diamond art. I’m not exactly sure if I like it or not, but it did make the day go by faster as I waited for him to come home.

I want to thank him for everything he did this morning. For whatever he left to do as well because I have a feeling it’s to help my siblings in some way.

Knowing what I know now, I really want to show him that I appreciate the sacrifices he’s making. Especially as I look at him now.

Whatever he had to do has taken its toll on him. To anyone else, he would look tired, but to me, he looks haunted. I understand the feeling. I feel the same way after spending time with my father.

“I’ll see you later,” Thea says as she stands.

“Get home safe,” I call out to her.

I watch as she walks over to him. They whisper back and forth before he slips her a piece of paper.

What kind of note did he slip her? Did he tell her something about my father or siblings?

Thea slips out and Maxim locks the door behind her before coming and sitting next to me.

“How was your day?” he asks as he picks up the remote control for the TV.

“It was fine. Yours?”

“I’m alive.” His bitter words make me feel sick.

What does that mean? I want to ask, but I’m still so unsure about what I can and can’t do with him.

While he turns on the TV, clicking through to the show we started together, I let my mind wander. It’s been a week since he confessed his plans to take down my father and his operation.

Has he made any progress?

Does he have a timeline now on when I should expect things to happen?

“Did you and Thea have fun?” he says, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“As much fun as one can have when they are confined to four walls.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I flinch, fully expecting him to smack me for sassing him.

What I don’t expect is for him to chuckle. His laughter makes my breath catch.

“Not wrong. Are you happy to be free, though?” He nods toward my leg.

I can still see the guilt in his eyes.

I look down and rub my free ankle. I haven’t had it on since my incident, but I still feel like it’s there sometimes. I guess that’s what happens when you get used to it.

“I am. Sometimes I still feel like it’s there. Like I can feel it, but I know it’s not. Thank you for trusting me enough to leave it off.”

“I should have never resorted to putting it on in the first place. I’ve never had to navigate a situation like this before. I made the wrong choice. I’m truly sorry for that.”

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up,” I find myself saying. “I forgive you. We both made choices that maybe weren’t the best. I shouldn’t have run. I knew I couldn’t get my siblings out, and it would cause trouble. I learned my lesson. I won’t do it again. We both learned something. Now we move on.”

He sighs, shaking his head. “You allow me too much grace. You should hate me for what I’ve done.”

“Maybe, but I don’t. Especially now that I know why. You need to give yourself a little more slack. You are doing dangerous things to save people. To save my people. Maybe forgive yourself for not being perfect.”

“I need to be perfect. If I’m not, people die,” he admits.

Reaching out, I grab his hand. “No, people die because there is evil in this world. They will live because you do everything you can to save them. Don’t take on others’ actions as your own.”

“What if what I do ends up being the same thing they are doing? Will it matter if the intentions are good? If it’s all part of the cover? I’m not sure my conscience will see it that way.”

I knew something happened tonight.

“Tell me what happened. Why do you feel this way?” I ask.

“I don’t want to burden you.”

“I’m asking you to. I can’t be out there by your side taking on my father, but I can help carry the load when you get home.”

He considers my words a moment before he nods. “Your father accepted my proposition, but he wants me to bring in five people to auction off. If I don’t, he will either kill me or know I’m a fake and blow my cover. If I do, I’m as bad as they are. It’s a catch-twenty-two.”

“A what?” I ask.

He frowns. “I hate that your father deprived you. We are getting you schooling and whatever else you need to know about the world. Catch-twenty-two basically means there is no option that would allow me to come out on top. Either way, there are consequences. I need to decide which option I can live with.”

“The one that saves my siblings,” I say without thought.

“That means putting others through the same situation you went through. Is that fair?” he asks.

“No, but they don’t deserve the life they are living. Besides, if you stay under and do what they ask, you save others too. Maybe even the same ones you put in.”

“Yeah, maybe. I’m not sure. I sent a message back to the team. Hopefully they come up with a plan.”

After a moment, he whispers, “How will I be able to live with myself if I do this?”

I move to his side, leaning my head on his shoulder. “You will work through it the way I’m trying to work through my trauma. I’ll help you the way you are helping me. We do what we have to in order to survive.”

“Are you attending therapy that I don’t know about?” he teases.

“Sort of. Thea has been helping me work through my trauma. She has some experience with therapy. We spend an hour every time she is here talking about things.”

“I’m really glad you have her,” he says.

“Thank you for bringing her to me. For saving me too.”

“You’re welcome,” he says, cupping my cheek.

I think he might kiss me, the way his eyes glance at my lips. I might want him to. The way my stomach flutters with the idea of his lips on mine. He doesn’t, though. He shakes his head, backing away.

“Now tell me, what do you want for dinner?”

“Whatever you want is fine.”

He looks over at me and raises his brow. Silently telling me to give him an answer.

“I could go for some sort of pasta, maybe?”

“Are you asking or telling?”

“Telling. Definitely telling,” I lie. I was most definitely phrasing it like a question, hoping he would tell me if it sounds good to him or if he wants something else.

I know he is trying to make me strong, but I’m not there yet. I still worry this is all a big game and that he will punish me for the wrong move. I might be working on my trauma, but it’s still there.

“Good. Pasta works for me.”

He pulls out his phone, and while he does whatever he needs to, I can’t help but look at his forearms. Sometime today he rolled up his shirt sleeves, showing off his forearms. I never knew it was a look that did it for me until him.

Only I would find my captor attractive.

He’s not my captor anymore.

No, he’s much more than that to me.

He’s my only hope.

“Here.” He hands me his phone.

I look down at the screen and see that he pulled up a food delivery app and selected a restaurant. He’s already got a couple of things in the cart, so I hurry up and pick the first pasta dish that sounds like something I would eat and add it to the order.

When he takes the phone back, his eyebrows go up. “You only want one thing?”

“Yes, if that’s okay.”

“Are you sure you don’t want any dessert?”

I shake my head slowly. “I would love dessert, but it’s not something I can have often. It’s only for special occasions.”

He turns toward me and narrows his eyes. “What do you mean desserts only for special occasions?”

“I’m not supposed to have it often because all that sugar is bad for me.”

“Are you diabetic?” he asks as panic flies across his face.

“No, nothing like that. I just need to watch my figure.”

“Y-you…” He shakes his head as he wipes his hand over his face. “I don’t even know what to say about that.”

“Father and the madam said it’s very important to watch what I put in my body. Bad things can happen if our master finds us unattractive.”

Maxim breathes slowly like he’s trying to calm his temper. “I can assure you that you are and will be, no matter how much you gain, attractive. If you want dessert you can have it, understood?”

I nod, even though I don’t. I don’t understand why he’s making such a big deal out of this.

Muttering under his breath, he picks up his phone and starts tapping at the screen. “Dinner will be here in forty minutes.”

“Sounds good,” I say as he sets down his phone.

“Can I ask you something?” he asks.

“Anything,” I tell him honestly.

We are way past me keeping secrets from him.

“Who is this madam you speak of?” he asks.

“Oh, she’s a woman that Father has had me see since I started my period.

At first she taught me about being a woman.

Then as I got older, she started showing me things about how to please a man.

She taught me lessons. We need to get Daryna out of there before she is of age.

I don’t want her to see the things I have had to see. ”

His fists clench on his thighs. “We will get her out.”

We fall silent, and he gets sucked into our TV show. I hear him laughing, but I can’t focus. I can’t look away from him as my mind drifts back to my sister. My brother too, but I know Daryna is going to have it worse. Alek has some sort of protection being my father’s heir.

“Are you going to spit out whatever’s on your mind or not?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He looks over at me and raises a brow. “Your mind is turning something over. I can tell. What is it?”

Biting my lip, I look away. It can’t be that simple, right? It has to be a trick. My father always punished me for speaking my mind. I have never had anyone who truly wanted to help me work through things.

Maxim is doing just that. Wanting to work through my thoughts with me like I offered to do for him. It’s a push and pull, but it feels equal.

For once, I actually feel like I have an equal.

All I have to do is take a bit of a leap of faith.

Here goes nothing.