Page 19 of Matched (LSU #5)

T wisting my hands together beneath the table, I forced myself to meet Sophie’s gaze.

“I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me. I know people say that as an excuse, but it is me.

After that date we had, I think I knew it was gonna be a friends thing for me, and then when we were at the student union with everyone…

I should’ve said something then, I know. ”

Biting down on her lip, she nodded. “It’s okay.

” Her voice was small, and fuck, her hand was shaking as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Thank you for telling me. I guess…I think I knew that you didn’t feel the same way as me, deep down, when I kissed you and you didn’t even kiss me back, but I hoped… Well. Never mind.”

My eyes widened. “I didn’t kiss you back? I was sure I did.” The whole thing had been a shock, a quick blur, and I couldn’t even be sure I was remembering it properly.

“No. You just kind of froze. Your mouth didn’t even move.”

“Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean?—”

“It’s okay.” It wasn’t, but it was clear that she didn’t want to talk about it anymore, and neither did I. “I think I’m going to leave now.” Sliding her chair back, she glanced down at her untouched coffee, her mouth twisting. “It’s nothing personal.”

“You don’t have to explain,” I rushed out before she could say anything else. “I really am sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry. You can’t help the way you feel, and I can’t help the way I feel. I—I’ll see you around, okay? I think…I’d like to stay friends, but I might need some space for a bit.”

“Yeah, yeah. ’Course.” I took a large gulp of my own coffee. Fuck, it was hot. “I’d, uh, like that too. To stay friends.”

She nodded jerkily. “Okay. Um. Bye.”

When she’d disappeared from the coffee shop, I slumped back in my seat with a groan. I should’ve made things clear to her at the student union. I’d known, even then, that I didn’t want to pursue anything more with her, not when I couldn’t get Nate out of my head.

Do you even fucking know how it feels to be jealous of your own fucking sister? Do you know how fucked up that is, Charlie?

His tortured words played on repeat. The whole situation was a complete and utter mess, and I just prayed that I could get over whatever I was feeling for him quickly and somehow salvage what remained of our friendship.

If there was anything left of it after he’d run away from me like a criminal fleeing the scene of a crime.

Fucking mugger.

He’d stolen something far more valuable than my phone or my wallet. He’d stolen my fucking senses with that kiss. No one had ever kissed me like that before. Like they needed me to breathe. Like they’d die without my mouth on theirs.

I doubted I’d ever have a kiss like that again.

Sipping my coffee more slowly, I scrolled through my phone, doing my best to forget about people whose names began with N and who could give me butterflies just from a smile.

It was a lost cause, though, because today was the day I’d see him for the first time since Friday.

He’d texted me to say he wanted to speak to me at our football session, which he surprisingly hadn’t cancelled, so I had another awkward conversation to look forward to.

That was why I’d chosen to have the conversation with Sophie today—so I could get through both of the hard conversations with the Glover siblings in one day.

Then I could go home, curl up on my bed, and finally let my stupid feelings overwhelm me.

My lip trembled, and I tugged it between my teeth, glad I was sitting in the back corner of the coffee shop. Why was everything so hard? I’d hurt Sophie, I’d hurt Nate, and I’d hurt myself.

“I hate having feelings,” I mumbled aloud and then instantly clamped my mouth shut, my face flushing.

“Bad break-up?”

“Huh?” My head flew up to see one of the baristas eyeing me sympathetically.

I sighed. Great. They’d obviously heard me.

“Not really. Can you break up with someone if you were never together? It wasn’t like…

We met up a few times with friends and went on one date together on our own.

She kissed me, and I…yeah. I didn’t feel the same way.

I like her brother.” Why the fuck was I telling a random stranger all my problems?

The barista’s eyes widened. “Her brother?”

“Yeah. We kissed, and then he ran away. Not really a good sign, huh? I have to see him later, and I have no idea what I’m gonna do.”

“Take my advice. Talk it out. It’s always better in the long run.”

Talk it out. That was already the plan, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t dreading it.

Beneath the table, the side of my foot pressed against my gym bag. Two more hours to go.

The team training session was still going on when I arrived at the pitch, so I took a seat on a bench at the side, next to my housemate Elliot. “Hi,” he said when I placed my bag on the bench and dropped down next to him. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

“Yeah.” I didn’t want to go into the whole Nate thing because that would involve giving him details I wasn’t ready to share, especially when I didn’t know how my conversation with Nate was going to go.

I didn’t want to outright lie to him, so I decided to redirect the conversation.

“It was fun getting to train with the team. If things had been different, I would’ve loved to be a proper part of it. ”

I didn’t need to elaborate because all my housemates knew that I had two jobs to send money home to my siblings.

“Life isn’t fair sometimes,” Elliot said softly.

“From what I saw when you were training with them, you’re easily as good as anyone else on the team. I wish things were different for you.”

I shrugged. “It is what it is. I’d rather have it this way and know that my family isn’t struggling. Especially my brother. He’s got this happy-go-lucky, cocky facade, but he gets so serious. I know he worries about money, and I just want to do what I can to make things easier for him.”

“They’re lucky to have you.” Elliot smiled at me.

“I’m lucky to have them.” Speaking of, I should reply to the messages they’d sent me earlier. I busied myself with my phone as Elliot’s attention returned to the pitch, or more accurately, to his boyfriend. I didn’t dare to look in Nate’s direction.

Scrolling to the group chat, I replied to Gem’s message asking how yesterday evening’s shift had gone and then sent a few middle finger emojis in response to Rocky’s comment stating that I resembled a bush baby in my most recent social media image.

Even though neither of them was online right now, messaging them lifted my mood. It was exactly what I needed.

That done, I spent a bit of time going through my work schedules and assignments due, marking everything in my calendar so I wouldn’t forget anything, and by the time I was finished, football practice was over, and the team had disappeared into the changing rooms to shower.

I spotted Finn’s maybe-boyfriend, Leo, lurking by the doors, and I waved to him.

He returned my wave with a shy one of his own, and I grinned at him.

“I’m gonna go and say hi to Leo,” I told Elliot, hooking the strap of my gym bag over my shoulder as I rose to my feet.

“I’ll come with you. Ander should be out soon.” Elliot stood, swiping his bag from the ground with a pained groan. “Bloody hell, I forgot how heavy this was. I’m sure Killian—I mean, Dr. Wilder—loves to torture us. Making us carry the heaviest possible textbooks around.”

“Killian.” We smirked at each other, both of us remembering the events of a few weeks ago when we’d gone out for drinks for what Ander termed a “housemates bonding session.” JJ hadn’t been able to come because he’d had a late dance practice…

or so he said. Long story short, we ended up coming back to the house earlier than we’d planned to find JJ and Dr. Wilder in a very compromising position over the kitchen table.

The business school’s principal lecturer had a reputation for a reason, but I’d never be able to look at him the same way again after seeing way more of him than I’d ever wanted to.

“JJ’s softened him a bit, though, hasn’t he?” I mused as we drew closer to the doors. “You and Ander don’t seem to complain about him anymore, and he was all I heard about last semester.”

We stopped outside the changing rooms, leaning against the wall.

Leo was already leaving, Finn having showered at lightning speed, his hair still wet and dripping down his back as they walked away.

I noticed that Finn’s arm was around Leo’s waist, and they were leaning into each other.

They could say they were friends all they wanted, but it was blatantly obvious that they were together.

Elliot nodded. “Yeah. He’s better now, and I think for me and Ander, it’s a bit like the Wizard of Oz. He used to be this larger-than-life, all-powerful asshole, and now he’s JJ’s boyfriend.”

“And you’ve seen his actual asshole.”

Both Elliot and I swung around to see Ander standing just outside the changing room doors, trying and failing to suppress his laughter. Elliot rolled his eyes.

“I did not. I saw the side of him for about two seconds before I ran away. You were the one who stayed there until JJ shouted at you to get out.”

“That’s right.” Ander gave him a bright grin. “I wanted to see if I could get a glimpse of his dick, to see if it really was as big as JJ says.”

“There’s something seriously wrong with you,” Elliot muttered, but he was fighting a smile.

“How did you ever think you were straight?” I wondered aloud, and Ander’s grin was instantly wiped away.

“That’s fucking gross! I don’t want to see his dick.

I mean, not for anything other than science.

Dr. Wilder is not my type. JJ must be a masochist.” He huffed.

“Okay, that’s not fair. I can kind of see what JJ sees in him, and maybe I might like and respect him a bit now he’s stopped acting like an asshole, but that’s it. He’s no Elliot.”

They stared at each other for a second before Elliot launched himself at Ander, and I got out of there as quickly as I could, slipping inside the building while they were occupied. While we’d been talking, the changing rooms had emptied out, but I hadn’t seen Nate anywhere.

Steeling myself, I pushed the door to the changing room open, dropping my gym bag to the floor.

The first thing I noticed was that Nate had showered and changed, his damp hair curling slightly at the ends.

I swallowed, a lump forming in my throat.

We weren’t even going to train? It was obvious that he wanted to get this awkward conversation over with as quickly as possible.

“Nate?”

His back stiffened, and he planted his hands on the lockers on either side of himself, exhaling harshly as his head bowed. Although he had his back to me, everything about his posture screamed “leave me alone,” but I took a step closer, anyway.

“Nate?” I repeated.

He clenched his fists against the metal doors, and then he straightened up and turned around to face me.