Page 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

I stormed into my apartment after Rathiel, and slammed the door shut behind me with enough force to rattle the walls. Vol shot up like a meerkat, took one look at me, then darted under the couch. Purrgatory gave a small hiss before leaping gracefully off the window ledge and bolting into my bedroom, his ginger fur a blur. For once, they’d both made the wise decision to stay out of my way. Probably for the best. I had a feeling blood would spill tonight—well, more blood.

Rathiel slowly moved toward my coat closet and gingerly removed his ruined jacket.

I glanced at his blood-soaked side, then growled under my breath and stomped over. I shoved my sleeve back and exposed my wrist.

Rathiel froze, his gaze locked on me.

“Go on,” I snapped, my voice sharp. “Before I change my mind.”

He froze, staring at my wrist like it was some kind of trap. Then, with a slow shake of his head, he stepped back. “I’ll heal on my own. It’ll just take longer.”

“Don’t be stupid,” I bit out. “You’re injured. And as pissed off as I am right now, I don’t want you bleeding all over my floor.”

Rathiel hesitated a beat longer, but instead of taking me up on my rather generous offer, he limped into the kitchen, where I’d stashed Willow’s first aid kit. I hadn’t had a chance to return it yet. He flicked the tabs open, then started rifling through the contents. He set aside a gauze pad, some wrap, and some medical tape.

Without a word, he grabbed a pair of scissors and sliced through his shirt, the fabric parting to reveal the rock-hard planes of his torso. His muscles flexed as he assessed the wound, every line of his body as sharp as the blade that had cut into him.

My mouth suddenly dried, and I had to mentally slap myself. Now was not the time to be eye-humping his—good lord, was that an eight pack?

Ugh. I mentally slapped myself again, then dragged my gaze away from him and forced myself to stare out the nearest window. I was mad at him. Furious. Downright enraged. I couldn’t allow his sinfully well-formed physique to distract me from that. But after a few moments, the silence weighed too heavily on me. With a huff of frustration, I turned back around—and spotted him wincing as he struggled to dress his wound.

“For heaven’s sake,” I muttered.

Before he could respond, I marched over and yanked the gauze out of his hands. “Stand still,” I commanded, stepping closer. Without waiting for permission, I took over, carefully taping the gauze over the wound. Afterward, I wrapped a bandage around him, my fingers brushing against the warm skin of his abdomen. His body tensed at the contact, and I did my best to ignore the heat that surged through me.

It was so damn unfair—how one simple touch, just the brush of my fingertips against his stupidly perfect body, sent a rush of warmth straight through me. I was pissed at him. I should’ve been thinking about all the lies he’d told, all the secrets he’d kept from me. But instead, all I could focus on was the way his muscles flexed beneath my hands, the solid heat of his skin against mine.

Why did everything have to be so complicated? He was cryptic, broody, and frustrating beyond imagination. Yet, my body didn’t care. The physical attraction between us was too strong—and didn’t that just piss me off.

I swallowed hard, trying to steady my breath as I continued wrapping, keeping my movements clinical, precise. When I finished, I tied the bandage off, my hands lingering on his skin just a fraction of a second too long. Once I realized what I was doing, I jerked my hands back and looked up, meeting his gaze. We stood inches apart, the space between us charged with everything neither of us was willing to say.

I stepped away, putting distance between us, needing space to breathe and think. My heart was pounding in my chest, my emotions a tangled mess of anger, attraction, and frustration. I folded my arms across my chest, both to guard myself and to stop my fingers from reaching for him again.

“We should talk,” Rathiel finally said, his tone softer than I expected.

I shot him a withering look, trying to keep the fury simmering beneath my skin in check. “Oh, now you want to talk?” My voice came out sharp, but there was no mistaking the edge of hurt beneath it. “After days of dodging every single question I’ve thrown at you? But now that I know the truth, now you finally decide it’s time to have a conversation?”

Rathiel’s expression tightened, but he didn’t back down. “I know. I should have told you sooner.”

“You should have been the one to tell me, period!” I shouted.

He winced and glanced at the apartment door. I sucked in a steadying breath and raked my hands through my hair. I had to calm down. The walls were paper thin, and I couldn’t afford any of my neighbours listening to this argument.

“You should have been the one to tell me,” I repeated, my voice quieter but no less furious. “Not Gremory. Not like that.”

Rathiel sighed and pushed his hands through his hair, wincing when the movement tugged on his wound. “I know. And I’m sorry that’s how you found out.”

“But you aren’t sorry that you kept all this from me?” I pushed. “That you stole my memories to begin with? That you exiled me here? And if we were so damn in love, how could you leave me? How could you abandon me? Why didn’t you come through the portal with me? We could have made a life here together!”

His expression fell, defeated. “I would’ve given anything to come with you. But I’d already wiped your memories, and I didn’t have the power to send us both through. It took everything I had just to get you through it. Lily, when I say it nearly killed me, I’m not exaggerating.” He paused, his voice trembling. “Lucifer found me afterward, and I was too weak to stop him. He dragged me back to the palace and…”

“And he tortured you,” I finished.

Rathiel’s jaw tightened, and he turned away, pain etched into every line of his body.

“I just…I guess I don’t understand,” I said. “Lucifer almost killed me. Clearly, you managed to save me before he could do it. So, why did you feel the need to do all this? Why take everything from me?”

For a long moment, Rathiel didn’t answer. And when he finally did, it was so quiet I almost didn’t hear it. “I panicked.” He faced me again, his eyes filled with undeniable pain. “Lily, I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.”

My breath caught. He’d said love . Not loved .

“When I fell from Heaven, I thought I’d never know love again, never feel the light again. I barely even remember Heaven anymore. All I recall is this warmth . Being in its presence, you basked in it. Until you, it was the thing I missed most. Then you came into my life and became that warmth for me.”

“My memories of you aren’t the same. I remember us fighting, bickering. Hell, in my memories, I loathe you.”

A melancholy smile tugged at his lips. “That was how it started for us. It wasn’t like I could admit my true feelings, not when Lucifer owned my free will. But once I was free, things changed between us. You started to trust me, and I could just be myself around you.”

My heart twisted, but I needed to hear this.

“But then Lucifer got his hands on you, and I couldn’t—” His voice broke, his pain bleeding into the air between us. “I couldn’t lose you. In all my thousands of years of existence, nothing terrified me more than that day. I’ll never forget your screams when Lucifer”—he paused, swallowing hard—“took your wings.”

Even I shivered.

He gave a gruff laugh. “The ironic part is, if you had your memories, you’d understand why I did what I did. The only thing that mattered to either of us was keeping the other alive. That was our greatest fear—losing each other. Lucifer nearly succeeded. Sending you here, wiping your memories… it was the only way to give you a chance at life. Nothing else mattered. Not even when your father condemned me to an eternity of torture.”

I was speechless. Rathiel had never spoken so many words at once, never laid himself bare like this. And the depth of the love he described…it stripped me bare. I sucked in a shaky breath, unsure of how to respond to any of this.

My heart pounded in my chest, not from anger this time, but from the weight of his words. What he’d done—it wasn’t simple, and it wasn’t something he could fix. I understood that he thought he was protecting me. But that didn’t make everything miraculously better.

I turned over his words and considered all that he’d said. That I would have understood if I had my memories. That seemed impossible to me. The way he spoke of me, of the person he knew. I wasn’t her. Not anymore. And I most certainly did not understand.

I scrubbed my hands down my face, then dropped my arms to my side and just stared at him.

“I don’t even know what to say,” I admitted quietly. “You say you did all this out of love. And call me crazy, but a part of me wants to believe that. People do the strangest things when they’re in love.” I paused, searching for the right words. “But the rest of me has no idea what to think or how to feel or even how to react.”

I trailed off, shaking my head as I tried to piece my emotions together. Confusion churned in my gut, but the anger wasn’t as hot anymore. It had dulled, simmering beneath the surface, replaced by something more complicated.

“You took everything from me,” I said quietly, but this time there was no accusation in my voice, only the simple truth. “This person you’re describing, who loved you so much she would die for you, she doesn’t exist anymore. You erased her. And I don’t know how to get her back, or even if I want to.”

His eyes flickered with regret, but he didn’t argue. He just stood there, watching me with a haunted expression, as if he knew there was no right way to fix this.

“You say you love me, and that’s, well, confusing, but I don’t love you. I don’t know you. Not the way you know me. The Rathiel I remember was nothing more than my father’s favourite soldier. My mentor who drove me insane. In my memories, you’re just a pain in my ass.”

Pain crumpled his face. I didn’t say this to hurt him—I said it to make him understand.

He took a tentative step toward me, his voice low and rough. “If I could undo it, I would.”

No, he wouldn’t. I knew him well enough to know that he’d do it all over again if he thought he was doing the right thing.

I studied him, then said, “I think I understand why you did this. But I don’t think I can forgive you for it. Nor do I know how to move forward from this.”

He swallowed. “I understand.”

“I need some time and space to think. To really digest everything.”

He gave a small nod.

“I’m, uh, going to go to bed,” I said. “It’s late. I’m exhausted. And I have an early shift in the morning.”

“Of course,” Rathiel murmured.

I started for my bedroom, eager to get away from him and give myself some space. As I walked past him, Rathiel’s hand gently caught mine. His touch was soft, tentative, but enough to stop me in my tracks. I froze as he lifted my hand and pressed it against his chest, right over his heart.

“I have one more thing to say,” he started. “I know you feel like the person you were is gone. And maybe you’re right. Maybe that version of you doesn’t exist anymore. But you’re still you. You’re still fierce. Still loyal. Still the person who would fight to protect the people she cares about. That’s who I fell in love with. And I know she’s still here.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but the words stuck in my throat. His hand remained on mine, cradling it against his chest, as if anchoring both of us together.

“I understand why you can’t see it,” he continued, his gaze never leaving mine. “You’ve been through hell—literally. You’re angry, and you have every right to be. But this, us, we didn’t start as some grand love story. It started with me being your mentor and driving you insane, as you said. I was just a soldier in your father’s army back then. Captain Bootlicker, as you so fondly dubbed me. But eventually you started to see past that, and we grew into something so much more. It can happen again, if you’ll let it.”

My chest tightened, a flood of emotions rushing through me. I didn’t know whether to scream, cry, or run away. His words were too much, too raw, too honest.

“I’m not asking you to forgive me,” he said quietly, his voice barely more than a whisper. “I’m not even asking you to love me again. I’m asking for a chance. A chance to be here, with you, as you figure this out. I’ll be patient, Lily. I can wait, no matter how long it takes. Because I believe in you. In us.”

I stood there, my hand resting against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. I should have pulled away, should have put more distance between us. But I didn’t.

“And just to show you what I mean,” he continued, his voice a low murmur. Before I could process what was happening, he leaned in and captured my lips with his.

The contact sent a shock of heat through me, and without thought, I leaned into him, my body moving instinctively, meeting him halfway. The kiss wasn’t soft. It was deliberate—slow yet consuming. A different kind of fire ignited within me, one fed by passion rather than anger. And without hesitation, I parted my lips.

A soft gasp escaped me as he tilted his head, his tongue brushing mine, and the world seemed to tilt with it. Instantly, the kiss became something more—richer, filled with a heat that had been building for far too long. Every emotion I’d been struggling to ignore surged to the surface, and I met him with the same fervor, the same hunger.

His other hand moved to cradle my face, his thumb gently stroking my jaw as our connection deepened, the intensity between us sparking like wildfire. Damn it. How could a kiss completely destroy me? My heart slammed against my ribcage, my breathing quickened, and when he finally pulled away, I just stood there like a fool, eyes still closed as I revelled in the feel of his mouth against mine.

Rathiel rested his forehead against mine. “All I ask is for a chance. No pressure. No expectations.”

His hand slid from mine, and the absence of his touch hit me like a physical loss. He took a small step back, giving me space, though his presence remained overwhelming.

“Take all the time you need,” he murmured, his voice holding an edge of vulnerability I’d never heard before. “You’re worth waiting for, Lily. You always have been.”

I finally opened my eyes to find Rathiel had retreated fully into the living room, his back to me as he sorted out the couch.

Fingers pressed against my lips, I turned and fled to my bedroom.

I closed the door behind me and fell against it, my chest heaving as I panted for breath. I slid down the door, my back pressed against the cool wood as my knees pulled up to my chest. My mind replayed everything I’d said in the living room, all the bold declarations about not loving him, about not being the same person he’d known. At the time, they’d felt right. But now, with my heart still racing and my body still on fire, I wasn’t so sure. How could I not love him when one touch, one kiss, tore apart everything I thought I knew?

I pressed my fingers harder against my lips, as if that would somehow erase the memory. But it didn’t. It lingered, etched into my lips, burned into my mind. How could something so simple unravel me so completely? And how could I deny the pull between us when it was this intense?

Maybe I didn’t know Rathiel the way he knew me. Maybe I didn’t remember our past. But this undeniable chemistry between us, the way my heart fluttered at the mere thought of him, and how my body responded to his touch… it felt real. Too real.

I hugged my knees tighter and stared blankly at the darkened room. Damn it, that kiss had complicated everything. It had torn down every defense I’d built. And it didn’t help that his touch lingered, still burned my lips. How was I supposed to figure things out when all I could think about was him?