Page 11

Chapter Eleven

The guilt in Rathiel’s eyes told me everything I needed to know. After ten years of wondering, here it was. The truth. And it shattered me.

“You bastard,” I choked out, taking a single step toward him, my hands trembling with the urge to strike. “You had no right. Were you the one who sent me here, too?”

“I had to,” he said quietly, his voice barely audible. “It was the only way to save your life.”

His words rattled in my skull, bouncing around like some cruel joke. I scrubbed my hands down my face, trying to make sense of the chaos in my mind. “Start from the beginning, Rathiel. And if I don’t like what you have to say, so help me, we’ll find out what happens when I burn you alive.”

Rathiel’s face hardened, the guilt in his eyes replaced by a steely resolve. “You have to understand, Lilith. You were a threat to Lucifer. A powerful one. If you remembered everything, you would have killed yourself trying to get back to Hell. I couldn’t let that happen.”

My eyes narrowed. “Remember what , exactly? What was so important that you had to erase it?”

Rathiel sighed, defeat slumping his shoulders. Finally— finally —he spoke. “You led a rebellion against your father. You rallied the strongest, the fiercest, the most vicious to fight against Lucifer’s tyranny. You nearly succeeded, too, but in the end, he crushed your forces. He destroyed everything you built. And then…he crushed you . He tore off your wings and was about to obliterate you. I couldn’t let that happen.”

The words hit like a hammer to my chest, knocking the air from my lungs. “I…led a rebellion?” I whispered, the words foreign and strange on my tongue.

The idea of standing against my father, the most powerful being I’d ever known, seemed absurd. Yet, the conviction in Rathiel’s eyes told me it was true. My stomach churned as I considered his words, and I couldn’t reconcile what he said with the person I thought I was.

“I hate my father, yes,” I said, my voice shaking. “And yeah, I’ve broken his rules and defied him every chance I got. But lead a rebellion? Fight against him? No…that’s not me.”

“Except it is,” Rathiel assured me. “You proved to be the strongest among us all. A true warrior. You led us. You gave us hope. I just wish we’d won the fight.”

The words hung in the air, heavy and strange. I stared at him, my mind trying to make sense of what he had just said. I wasn’t sure what stunned me more—Rathiel claiming I’d led a rebellion, or that he was including himself in that group. “Us?” I asked slowly, my voice cautious. “You…fought with me?”

His head dipped in a single nod. “I did.”

I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Rathiel fighting alongside me? That didn’t track. Rathiel had always been faithful to my father, the enforcer who did everything asked of him without question.

“ You betrayed Lucifer?”

“Yes,” Rathiel said quietly, his voice resolute.

The idea was absurd. It didn’t make any sense. “Why?”

He didn’t answer.

A bitter laugh escaped me, but it lacked genuine humor. “You’re lying,” I said, though the conviction was slipping from my voice. “You would never betray him. You’re loyal to a fault. Always have been.”

“I wasn’t loyal to him, Lilith,” Rathiel said, his voice hardening. “Not in the way you think.”

I shook my head, still trying to make sense of it all. “You were his weapon, Rathiel. His tool. My whole life, I watched you do his bidding, no questions asked.”

“Because I had no choice,” he growled. He pushed to his feet and strode to the window, his steps slow but purposeful. “When we fell from Heaven, your father insisted we take vows and pledge ourselves wholly in his name. We did so without a thought. It didn’t take long for us to realize that we’d given up something truly precious.” He sighed, a sound full of heartbreak. “Our free will. We could not disobey. The magic binding us together wouldn’t allow it. No matter your father’s orders, I couldn’t to do otherwise.”

I blinked, shock rippling through me. I didn’t know the fallen had given up their free will. Suddenly, my whole life began to make more sense—the way my father’s inner circle obeyed his every command without question. All these years, I’d believed them loyal by choice. But I understood differently now. Lucifer had shackled them to him. Rathiel too—until Lucifer freed him.

“Then…how?” I whispered. If he couldn’t disobey, how could he have sided with me?

Rathiel’s jaw clenched, his voice laden with the weight of old wounds. “When you joined the rebellion, your father was furious. But he’s a strategist first and foremost, always planning three steps ahead. He saw an opportunity, and he ordered me to infiltrate the rebellion. He believed that, with me there, he could tear the rebellion out at the roots. I was supposed to prove my loyalty to the rebellion by denouncing him, betraying him in front of your followers. Make everyone believe I had turned against him. But in order to accomplish that, he made a fatal mistake. He released my from my vow.”

The air left my lungs in a sharp rush, the last of the puzzle pieces falling into place.

“He thought he was being clever.” Rathiel’s lip curled in disdain. “He knew I would need my free will if I was going to convince the rebellion, and you, that I was truly on your side. Without it, I couldn’t have defied him convincingly. So, he severed the bond.”

I couldn’t fathom my father’s arrogance, the complete certainty he must have had in his control over Rathiel in order to take that risk.

“He believed you’d remain loyal regardless,” I said.

Rathiel nodded, his expression tight. “He never considered that I might take my freedom and never give it back. He underestimated me.”

My heart pounded as the gravity of his words sank in. “So you took that freedom and…what? Sided with me in this rebellion?”

“Yes.” Rathiel’s voice was steady, resolute. “I finally had the chance to make my own choices. For the first time in centuries, I could do as I please. And I did exactly that. I chose you over him.”

“But why? There’s nothing special about me, I’m just?—”

Rathiel closed the distance between us in three long strides. “ Everything about you is special. You are a true leader, Lilith. Where you inspire loyalty, your father commands through fear. Where you lead with kindness, he rules with an iron fist. He is a blight on Hell. You are the light. He is nothing but darkness.”

I started to shake my head, but Rathiel wouldn’t have it. “It’s who you are, Lilith. It’s in your bones. You led us with fire and conviction, and that part of you hasn’t changed. It never will.”

I shook my head, refusing to accept what he was saying. “I’m nothing now, Rathiel. My memories are gone, my wings—” I stopped, my breath hitching. The phantom pain of my wings being ripped away flared at the thought.

He took another step toward me, his gaze never leaving mine. “Your wings were only a part of your strength. They didn’t make you who you are. Your father may have taken them, but he did not break you. I saw to that.”

Something clicked. Deidre’s words in the mine came rushing back, loud and clear, echoing in my head.

You left quite the mess behind, Lily. And you know your father—someone had to pay the blood price. He made sure of that. And the lucky winner is someone you know very well.

I had dismissed her words at the time, believed it to be part of her twisted mind games. But now? Now it was all starting to make sense in a way that made my heart absolutely ache.

Your father got his hands on him not long after you disappeared. Poor Rathiel—he never saw it coming.

“That’s why…” I breathed, my gaze locking with his, realization crashing over me like a tidal wave. “Lucifer tortured you because you sided with me.”

“Lucifer tortured me because I saved you,” Rathiel amended. “Your father was going to kill you. So many had already died trying to retrieve you from his clutches. I did what I had to do.”

“Why?” I asked. “Why were you so determined to keep me alive?”

Regret flickered in Rathiel’s eyes but he blinked it away. He squared his shoulders, his voice steady, as though reciting a rehearsed line, and said, “Because of the prophecy. You’re the one destined to bring him down. We just needed another shot at it. You had to live.”

My mind reeled. “So, you sent me here. To Earth.”

“Yes,” he confirmed. “It was the only place I could think of where you’d be safe. Where Lucifer couldn’t reach you.”

“How did you even get me here? How did you open the gate?”

“It wasn’t easy,” Rathiel admitted. “There’s a secret to opening them. One your father never figured out—but I did. It wasn’t easy. Like I said, forcing the portal open requires immense power. Sending you through took everything I had. I was…vulnerable. By the time Lucifer found me, I couldn’t fight back.”

My breath hitched. He’d sacrificed himself to save me. But as I replayed his words in my head, something didn’t add up. “Wait,” I said slowly, my stomach knotting. “If you opened the portal first, how did my father figure out how to use it? How does he know the secret now?”

But understanding crashed over me, sharp and unrelenting. And even though I was pissed at Rathiel, my heart broke for him. “You told him, didn’t you?”

He didn’t answer right away, but his frame vibrated with tension. “Yes,” he said at last, his voice low and fierce. “I told him.”

I placed a hand on my stomach, unable to fathom what my father had put Rathiel through. Lucifer was hardly a saint—he’d earned the name Satan for a reason. And even for someone like Rathiel, a decade of torture at my father’s hands was a long time.

Rathiel’s eyes darkened and his jaw tightened. “After ten years of torture, I broke and gave him something , anything to stop him. He already knew where you were, but he didn’t know how to open the portal. I didn’t want to tell him, but—” Rathiel’s voice cracked, his eyes flashing.

A wave of nausea rolled through me. My father was a monster, and yet, hearing Rathiel admit it aloud made it worse somehow. My voice trembled as I asked, “What did he do to you?”

He sucked in a deep breath and quickly composed himself. I watched in awe as he pulled every emotion back, tucking it deep down inside him until his face reflected nothing more than a stone mask. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “What matters is I’m here now.”

“It does matter,” I insisted, my hands shaking. “Rathiel, he—he tortured you for ten years because of me.”

His gaze snapped to mine, fierce and unyielding. “No, Lilith. He tortured me because he wanted to. Your father doesn’t need reasons to hurt others—he does it because he enjoys it. This was never your fault.”

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to cling to the absolution he offered, but the weight of it all pressed down on me, suffocating. I could barely form a coherent thought as the realization sank in. Rathiel had endured Hell’s worst—Lucifer’s worst—all to keep me alive.

“You sacrificed yourself,” I said, my voice barely louder than a whisper. “You sent me here, knowing he’d find you. You?—”

“Enough,” Rathiel said sharply, cutting me off. His jaw clenched, and he turned away, his hands gripping the back of the armchair as though to steady himself. “It doesn’t matter. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, Lilith. No matter the cost.”

He had so much pain hiding beneath the surface. I wanted to press harder, find out what exactly my father had done to him. But I feared doing so would cause him even more pain, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. I was Lucifer’s daughter, but I wasn’t a sadist.

I scrubbed my face, hiding the wetness pooling in my eyes. “And my memories? How did you wipe them?”

“I broke into your father’s vaults. He has a collection of powerful relics, some ancient, some dangerous.”

“You…stole from Lucifer?” My disbelief clashed with the strange mix of admiration and horror swirling in my gut. I wasn’t sure if that made him brave or utterly desperate.

“It was the only way,” he said, voice low. “You would have done anything to get back to Hell. I had to make sure you wouldn’t even try. The relic I used strips away—and stores—memories.”

My heart leaped. If it stored memories, then maybe… I took a step toward him, hope surging in my veins. “Then I can get them back?”

Rathiel’s mouth twisted in regret. “No. I lost the relic when Lucifer imprisoned me. I don’t know where it is now, or who has it.”

The hope that had surged within me quickly drained, leaving a cold, hard knot of anger. The most personal moments of my life—everything that made me who I was—now in the hands of someone else.

“Then we’ll get the relic back,” I bit out, my frustration boiling to the surface. “You did this. You fucked with my head. You stole my memories. Now, you’re going to make it right. I don’t care what it takes.”

“Lily—”

“No, Rathiel. I want them back .” I snarled, fury sparking in every word. “You don’t know what it’s like to forget who you are. You talk about me like I’m some great hero—but I don’t remember her! I don’t feel like her. She’s a stranger to me. You invaded my mind and you stole who I was, and now you’re telling me I’ll never get that back?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off, voice trembling with the force of my rage. “You had your reasons, fine. I understand that. But the only way you can even begin to make this right is by helping me get those memories back. Promise me you’ll help.”

“You don’t need those memories to be strong, Lilith,” Rathiel said, his voice firm. “You’re still the same person. A warrior. A leader. The memories may be gone, but the essence of who you are—that hasn’t changed. You don’t need them to fight.”

I shook my head, disbelief flooding my veins. “So what? I’m supposed to just…forget about them? Pretend this is all fine and move on?”

“I’m saying we need to focus on what’s ahead of us. On stopping Lucifer. On fulfilling your destiny. We can’t change what’s happened, but we can still fight for the future.”

Frustration bubbled over, and I glared at him, my voice raw. “This is my life you’re talking about, Rathiel. You took everything from me. Everything. You had no right.”

He reached out, hesitating before resting a hand on my shoulder. “I know,” he said softly. “And I’m sorry. But right now, we need to stop Lucifer. That’s the priority. Once that’s done, we can talk about your memories.”

I jerked away, unwilling to let him off the hook so easily. “Fine,” I snapped. “But this conversation isn’t over. When this is done—Lucifer, the prophecy, all of it—we’re going after that relic.”

Rathiel nodded, his expression solemn. “Agreed.”

I took a deep breath. We had bigger problems to deal with right now, so I had to push my emotions down into the deepest, darkest pit inside.

“You can sleep on the couch,” I muttered, turning toward my bedroom. I paused, glancing back over my shoulder, my voice sharp and low. “But don’t think for a second this means I forgive you.”

Pain flashed across in his face, but he eventually nodded.

I turned my back on him and headed to my room. No matter how angry I was—and I was incredibly angry—Rathiel and I had to work together. But once this was over, he and I were going to have a long conversation about everything. And if he ever pulled a stunt like this again, I would shove a stake so far deep into his chest, he’d be coughing up splinters for eternity.