Page 46 of Massacre Monday

fifteen

Something weird has happened.

I told Ryan Cardell not to come back and, well, he hasn’t.

This should please me. Every day that passes, relief should settle into the spaces he previously left me suspicious and on edge. I’ve given myself permission to relax my guard. Apprehensive gazes over my shoulders are gone.

I hate it.

Everything has been replaced with an annoying sensation that I’mmissingsomething. When I glance around now, it’s tosearchfor him. As I linger by my doorknob at theSigmahouse before locking it at night, it’s to toy with the idea of leaving it open. Each step toward the athletic center is slower while I stifle a deranged hope I’ll meet him on his way to the ice rink for hockey practice.

But he’s gone.

Poof.

Disappeared.

The absence of his presence has left me feeling like I’m more alone than ever in my life, despite being surrounded by people all day.

Mitch taps the end of his ballpoint pen against his desk, then points to his laptop where he’s typing notes. I glance at Professor Hall, who eyes me whenever she lectures on this side of the room. Waiting until she focuses on the other half of the students, I take a casual gander at the words typed on Mitch’s screen.

Sigma party Saturday?

It’sSigma’spledge party, where those who accepted the bids are welcomed into our sisterhood. A giant event for us, we typically invite everyone and anyone. In the deep recesses of my brain, a nauseating feeling overtakes me that Ryan will show up for Elina, or it could just be my period cramps.

Professor Hall struts back to our side, and I straighten in my seat, not letting my eyes trail from her face, showing my utmost attention.

“Miss Freidenberg, what would your answer be?”

My heart stops for a beat before speeding back up. “The appellate court system.”

She crosses her arms and purses her lips while I hold my breath. It’s the right answer. I know it. But instead of agreeing, she only wanders to the other side of the room and continues lecturing. My shoulders lower as I inhale deeply through my nose.

As soon as class is over, I glare at Mitch as we exit the auditorium. “Don’t pass any notes. You know she has it out for me!”

“Sorry! I thought it would be quick.”

We head to the far wall, moving away from the crowd. The halls of deep mahogany paneling absorb the dim light streaming in through the arched floor-to-ceiling windows. Every nook in the school is dusty, except for the student center and gym, which are newer construction. When we reach the other side, I perch on a worn window frame to talk.

A blur of pink catches my eye as Elina tosses her shoulder-length blonde hair and laughs with a few other seniorSigmas. “Yeah, at the party this weekend…” I hear her say, and it makes me wonder if Ryan has been spending time with his girlfriend instead of me. I feel utterly disgusted with myself for even getting upset by that.

He belongs to her. I shouldn’t worry about this.

“So, the party?” Mitch asks. “Valencia said to come by and bring Logan, and I?—”

“Yes. Definitely come. But, uh, could you do me a favor?” Still watching where Elina is walking, I fight against hoping that the giant hockey player will appear next to her. But he doesn’t show.

“What is it?”

“Well, there’s a guy who’s been bothering me?—”

“Ryan Cardell?” he asks through clenched teeth.

“Yeah…Ryan. Anyway, would you pretend to be my boyfriend for the evening? Maybe, you know, hold my hand and dance with me. Just so he doesn’t get overly possessed about the wholeMassacre Mondaything.”

“Of course, Pip. I can do that. Would love to do that for you.” He lifts an arm and uses the back of his fingers to brush some of my hair over my shoulder. “That guy is bad news.”

With his little touch, part of me wonders if I made a huge mistake. Is Mitch getting the wrong idea?