Page 24

fifteen

Something weird has happened.

I told Ryan Cardell not to come back and, well, he hasn’t.

This should please me. Every day that passes, relief should settle into the spaces he previously left me suspicious and on edge. I’ve given myself permission to relax my guard. Apprehensive gazes over my shoulders are gone.

I hate it.

Everything has been replaced with an annoying sensation that I’m missing something.

When I glance around now, it’s to search for him.

As I linger by my doorknob at the Sigma house before locking it at night, it’s to toy with the idea of leaving it open.

Each step toward the athletic center is slower while I stifle a deranged hope I’ll meet him on his way to the ice rink for hockey practice.

But he’s gone.

Poof.

Disappeared.

The absence of his presence has left me feeling like I’m more alone than ever in my life, despite being surrounded by people all day.

Mitch taps the end of his ballpoint pen against his desk, then points to his laptop where he’s typing notes.

I glance at Professor Hall, who eyes me whenever she lectures on this side of the room.

Waiting until she focuses on the other half of the students, I take a casual gander at the words typed on Mitch’s screen.

Sigma party Saturday?

It’s Sigma’s pledge party, where those who accepted the bids are welcomed into our sisterhood. A giant event for us, we typically invite everyone and anyone. In the deep recesses of my brain, a nauseating feeling overtakes me that Ryan will show up for Elina, or it could just be my period cramps.

Professor Hall struts back to our side, and I straighten in my seat, not letting my eyes trail from her face, showing my utmost attention.

“Miss Freidenberg, what would your answer be?”

My heart stops for a beat before speeding back up. “The appellate court system.”

She crosses her arms and purses her lips while I hold my breath. It’s the right answer. I know it. But instead of agreeing, she only wanders to the other side of the room and continues lecturing. My shoulders lower as I inhale deeply through my nose.

As soon as class is over, I glare at Mitch as we exit the auditorium. “Don’t pass any notes. You know she has it out for me!”

“Sorry! I thought it would be quick.”

We head to the far wall, moving away from the crowd.

The halls of deep mahogany paneling absorb the dim light streaming in through the arched floor-to-ceiling windows.

Every nook in the school is dusty, except for the student center and gym, which are newer construction.

When we reach the other side, I perch on a worn window frame to talk.

A blur of pink catches my eye as Elina tosses her shoulder-length blonde hair and laughs with a few other senior Sigmas .

“Yeah, at the party this weekend…” I hear her say, and it makes me wonder if Ryan has been spending time with his girlfriend instead of me.

I feel utterly disgusted with myself for even getting upset by that.

He belongs to her. I shouldn’t worry about this.

“So, the party?” Mitch asks. “Valencia said to come by and bring Logan, and I?—”

“Yes. Definitely come. But, uh, could you do me a favor?” Still watching where Elina is walking, I fight against hoping that the giant hockey player will appear next to her. But he doesn’t show.

“What is it?”

“Well, there’s a guy who’s been bothering me?—”

“Ryan Cardell?” he asks through clenched teeth.

“Yeah…Ryan. Anyway, would you pretend to be my boyfriend for the evening? Maybe, you know, hold my hand and dance with me. Just so he doesn’t get overly possessed about the whole Massacre Monday thing.”

“Of course, Pip. I can do that. Would love to do that for you.” He lifts an arm and uses the back of his fingers to brush some of my hair over my shoulder. “That guy is bad news.”

With his little touch, part of me wonders if I made a huge mistake. Is Mitch getting the wrong idea?

Even still, I can’t let Ryan show up to see Elina and not have anyone by my side. The urge to annoy him is too great for me to resist.

My brother’s face is what saves me from having to think about where Mitch’s hand was while we weren’t in practice. Oz immediately clocks the motion and raises his eyebrows at me with a question as he wanders down the hall.

“Everything good here?” he asks, tone light but eyes sharp.

I nod, maybe too quickly. “All good.”

He steps closer and slings an arm across my shoulders like he’s done a thousand times. “Come grab a drink with me before you let any more strange men put their hands on you.” Then, as he leads me away, he gives my dance partner a small smile. “No offense, Mitch.”

I laugh and lean into his side for a second, grateful as Mitch waves goodbye.

As we exit into the September sunlight, he aims us toward Quad café. “Did I just pull a good big brother move back there?”

“I mean, it’s fine. He’s fine.” Stalling my steps, I halt in front of the science building. I don’t want to explain me using Mitch to get rid of my stalker. Hurriedly, before he catches on, I change the subject. “How are you? I have biodiversity in fifteen.”

He glances at me in a way that lets me know he knows something is up, but is choosing to let it go. “I’m good. Busy with Delta stuff.”

“Don’t be a stranger.”

His tongue escapes and laps at his studs, teeth capturing one as he stares up at the clouds for a moment. “Uh, yeah. You either.”

“Is something wrong?”

A smile that mirrors mine when I’m trying to play something off covers his face. “No. Let’s grab some coffee soon, though, okay? Love you.”

As his tall figure wanders away, I worry about the secrets both of us seem to be keeping from each other now.

Dolling up with Amelia, Valencia, and Evie is fine. It’s okay. I know they’re in my room so that I don’t feel awkward without Gwen.

But that missing sensation is almost unbearable at times. Between her and Ryan…I’m out of sorts.

Evie finishes applying my eyeliner and takes a step back with a broad grin on her perfect face. “You look marvelous , darling. Just gorgeous.”

“Really? ’Cause next to you two tall blondes, I look like a shrimp in a shiny sack.”

Amelia grins and tugs her body-hugging light blue and silver glittery dress into place.

It’s identical to the ones we all wear. Except, she’s honey-colored girl-next-door, has-twelve-kids-and-will-bake-you-a-pie blonde.

Evie is pierced and dangerous, shaved-side-of-the-head-porn-star platinum blonde.

Valencia looks utterly upset that she even has to put on a dress and already said she’s going to pair her “sensible shoes” with it: yellow Converse and argyle socks. “I hate these things,” she says, leaning against Gwen’s barren bed.

Her mother decided to take her stuff home, saying that when she’s found, they’ll keep her with them for the rest of the semester. So now, I stare at a blank half of the room, not daring to let my dirt get over there out of respect for my friend.

“What? The dress or the event?” I ask my cousin.

“Both.”

“Well, cheer up,” I say, rubbing on a new pink lip gloss. “Logan will be here with Mitch.”

“Speaking of…” Amelia trails off, and I click my jaw shut.

“Ugh, Mitch is such a dweeb. You know he can’t fuck. Probably has a two-inch dick. Hard,” Evie murmurs, then sprays the shit out of her styled hair with an aerosol can.

Amelia laughs. “Finally, someone said it.”

“Having a big dick isn’t everything. Not everyone is sex crazy.” Valencia pipes up, and part of me wonders if it’s because she’s not getting a good vibe from Logan. Or…maybe she’s talking about herself.

“Well, you look fucking hot, Pippi,” Amelia says while making sure my thick chocolate hair is perfectly tousled into place.

It looks the same as that morning Ryan and I hooked up in my bed and then he took our picture.

Slyly, I check my phone, but his couple’s account on Pixtagram still hasn’t been updated since last week.

“Thanks.”

With the tight dress, full face of makeup from Evie Lynx, sex hair from Amelia, and four-inch stilettos, I may pass as a bombshell. We all line up on the second-floor balcony and take pictures for our socials, and I post mine, hoping Ryan will see it.

No, get him out of your head…

Before the guests arrive, we have our Pledge Party, where the freshmen are paired with seniors in Big and Little sister assignments, and we all welcome them with blue hyacinth corsages.

After dinner, the doors are opened to those invited to attend.

I’m on my second champagne and listening to Valencia talk about how proud she is that her little sister pledged with us, when a large hand spreads over my lower back and lips latch onto my neck.

“Mm, hey, Pip. You smell good.” Mitch grips my waist and tugs me into his side. I startle at his forwardness.

“Hi.”

His dark brown eyebrows hover over his eyes. “Too much?”

Forcing a smile, I shake my head. “No. Want a beer?”

“Yep. I’ll grab you something. Champagne?”

“No. I’ll have a beer, too.”

Valencia is momentarily distracted with Logan, who looks great in his suit and tie. He awkwardly attempts to make small talk with her until she sidles up to his chest and grabs his sports coat lapel. My entire body winces when he takes a few steps away from her.

The night rolls on, with Evie causing some whispered drama when both her girlfriend and her girlfriend’s boyfriend stop by and none of them seem to get along.

Amelia is, oddly, alone, but talks to the new pledge class, getting to know each one like the welcoming committee. It makes me wonder if she’s dated anyone before, or if she has a secret lover hidden somewhere.