Page 15 of Marrying a Marquess (Widows of Mayfair #3)

F or the first time since his days at Eton and his one night of blackmail, Nick felt his life was out of control. He had always prided himself on being in control—except for those times.

And now.

He sat behind his desk, looking into the eyes of his ex-mistress, Anne Brooks. He experienced the world around him fade to black and sway from side to side until he grabbed a small trash receptacle and relieved his stomach of his breakfast.

“I’m sorry I had to come to you and share the news.

I know you last visited me six months ago, and you promised to care for me until I found a new protector, and I meant to find one.

” She wiped her eyes with her handkerchief.

“I truly did, but as you can see by my burgeoning belly, no one wants a castoff with a bastard in her belly.”

If he hadn’t already emptied his stomach, he would now.

Anne, his mistress of three years, with whom he’d broken off relations six months ago, was carrying his child.

He swore to himself when he first took a woman to bed that he would do everything in his means not to sire a child outside of wedlock.

It wasn’t fair to the child—being a by-blow wasn’t an easy life.

He would take care of them both for life, of course, but as much as he didn’t want to subject the child to being a bastard, he couldn’t marry Anne.

Being a selfish blackguard turned his stomach, but that’s what he was .

“I will buy the house I rent for you and put the title in your name, pay the taxes and upkeep, and continue paying for the household servants. On top of that, I will settle five hundred pounds yearly to be paid in quarterly installments. I will pay for the child’s nurse, governess, and education.

If it is a boy, I will set up a trust for his future.

If it’s a girl, I will set aside a dowry to ensure she marries well.

” He paused and continued. “There is one thing, though. If you become another man’s mistress, which is your right to do, your yearly allowance and all the household expenses will stop. ”

“Nicholas,” Anne said with a relieved sigh. “Thank you. You are being most generous.”

He leaned forward, put his elbows on the desk, steepled his fingers, and studied her. He met Anne when she was eighteen years old. She was the daughter of a talented and well-known tailor. She welcomed customers into her father’s shop. A shop she could never take over because she was a woman.

The first time he saw her, he knew he wanted her.

Her hair was black as night, and her eyes were just as dark, with the tiniest slant on the side giving her a unique look.

She had the palest skin and a round figure.

Nick visited the shop more than necessary to see her.

A flirtation started, and before he knew it, she begged him to take her away and make her his mistress.

“Why are you staring at me?”

He shook the musings out of his head. “Sorry. I remember the first time we met. I should never have gone back to the shop.”

“I would still be greeting my father’s customers and living with him on top of the shop if you hadn’t.

Cleaning, cooking, and being his slave. I don’t think he would ever have let me go.

” She rested her hands on her round belly.

“No. It is better this way. Although I never wanted to bear a child out of wedlock. I am truly ruined now. Not that I wasn’t the day I walked out of my father’s shop with my hand in yours. ”

His insides tightened. “I’m sorry. I always used a French letter. It must have failed on our last night together.” Anne had come to him chaste; as far as he knew, she had never been with another man.

“I understand you are looking for a bride.” Her face fell, and he’d never heard her sound so sad.

“I am. And I’m sorry. It can’t be you. I’m obligated to marry someone within my social standing. As a marquess, I have responsibilities to uphold.”

“I know. But a girl can dream, can’t she?”

Rising from the chair, she headed toward the exit.

“You will send word when the baby is born?” he queried, his heart hurting for Anne and her situation. However, she would be set for life and need not be mistress to another.

“Of course, Lord Hollingsworth.”

The hour was early, but he grabbed a bottle of brandy, poured half a glass, and downed it. He poured more and stared into the amber liquid, pondering his future. A future that was rapidly spiraling out of control.

*

“You seem out of sorts today,” Emmeline said to Priscilla, sitting next to Lilly as they rode in Blackstone’s well-designed carriage toward Bond Street.

“I am. My mind is preoccupied with two gentlemen.” Fidgeting in her seat and adjusting her skirts for the third time, Priscilla exhaled. “How does one choose between two?”

Lilly and Emmeline exchanged a knowing look.

“It should be easy. But alas, it is not,” replied Emmeline.

“Not easy at all,” added Lilly.

“Have either of you encountered such a dilemma?”

Both ladies laughed. “Have you never heard the story about how I met my first husband?” Emmeline asked.

“I don’t believe I have. Only that he died several years later in a riding accident.”

“Indeed. But there is so much more to the story than our marriage and his death. On the first night of my first Season, I met Blackstone and Mr. Fitzpatrick, Andrew and Aiden. I was smitten with both of them.” She sighed wistfully.

“More than smitten in the months that followed. I fell in love with both of them as they did with me. I received two marriage proposals. What you may not know is that Andrew and Aiden were the best of friends. I never wanted to cause friction in their friendship, and what I say next needs to stay between us. I was prepared to accept Andrew’s proposal, except he rescinded it.

” She wiped a tear from her cheek with her gloved hand.

“I was heartbroken, yet I still had Aiden’s proposal, which I gladly accepted, as I also loved him.

“I tried to be the best wife. Regardless, Aiden grew uncomfortable with Andrew and distanced us from him. But not only from Andrew but also from Caldwell and Langford. I felt guilty for this. Then, not long before the house party we attended where he died, I miscarried.”

Gasping, Priscilla reached out and touched her hand briefly. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you. Anyway,” she took a moment to glance out the window before turning back to her.

“He took it hard, as did I. But he dealt with it differently. He got angry, drank, and we quarreled, which we seldom did. But I was glad at least that all four friends were finally together again at the house party. They went hunting—or at least planned on it. They got drunk instead. Andrew and Aiden raced, and Aiden fell from his mount and broke his neck.”

“How horrific for you.”

“Yes. My heart broke in half that day.”

“How did you come to be married to Blackstone?” Priscilla asked. A pain settled heavily in her chest at the sad story of Emmeline’s first marriage .

“Six long years passed, and I waited for him to come to me. He did once before leaving for the West Indies for nearly three years. Andrew battled his own demons, which nearly destroyed him. His father almost disowned him. Thankfully, he turned his life around and came back to me. I love him now more than I ever thought possible.”

Priscilla sighed at the second-chance love story. “I see that every time you are together. Or even now, when you speak of him. Your eyes and face glow with love.”

She blushed. “How embarrassing.”

“Nonsense,” Lilly chimed in. “It is lovely.”

“You do the same when you are with Langford,” Emmeline said.

“I know. I can’t help it.”

“How do I choose between David and Nick? David is very nice and acts gentlemanly when in my presence. I enjoy his company. There is an easy companionship that is forming between us.” She sighed and closed her eyes to picture his face, but the only one that came to her mind was Nick.

“Though I know he is only courting me in hopes of obtaining my hand in marriage for my dowry.”

“That may be true, but it’s not the only reason,” Emmeline said. “I have seen the way he looks at you. He is smitten.”

“That is kind of you to say. But as for Nick? I care for him deeply.” She exhaled.

“I’ve been half in love with him for half of my life it seems. He does not need my dowry.

He does, however, need someone to marry and bear his heirs.

Either way, I am being used for something when I only want to be loved. ”

“What about your first husband?” Lilly asked with sadness in her eyes. “All three of us have been widowed.”

“I cared deeply for Jasper, but the chance to fall completely in love with him was stolen from me. Although I know, given time, it would have happened. He was that type of man. Honorable, kind, and considerate. He put others before himself. He died a hero trying to save another man from drowning. Their ship was under attack by the French. A sailor had fallen overboard, and Jasper jumped in to save him. Sadly, they both perished.”

“How tragic. I’m sorry his time on this earth was cut short,” Emmeline said. “Too young to be taken from you, as Aiden was from me. Yet, when I see my future, I can’t visualize it with Aiden, only Andrew.”

“When I see the man of my future, it is blurry. I want to believe it is Nick. It would be easier to see Latham.” She paused.

“I don’t think Nick sees himself with me.

” Regardless of what he said to her about wanting to court her for real, it would be for all the wrong reasons.

They were comfortable together, and what she attributed to possible love, he saw as friendship.

“You never know,” Lilly replied. “I hated Langford when we first met. Look at us now.”

“You hated him?” Priscilla couldn’t believe that.

“Yes. He accused me of stealing from his uncle, the previous Earl of Langford, who married me as a favor to a dying man—my father.”