Page 16

I haven’t posted in a couple of days for a few reasons. For one, I wasn’t sure I’d keep posting about this because nothing was really happening. I needed an outlet for what I was feeling, and I never thought anything would come of it. Then, people began asking me for updates and to tell them more about the story. There’s another reason, though. Well, there are a couple of them, but I’ll stick to the main one for now.

Because of you. Because someone who had read this blog shared it and someone else had shared it again and again, one of Sophie’s friends found my blog and found Sophie. You all helped me find her. For the past couple of days, I’ve been messaging with Sophie, and I’m going to visit her. I cannot tell you how nervous and excited I am. I feel like I’m more tense than I’ve ever been in my entire life, and for a while there, my favorite TV show was The Walking Dead. So, thank you! Thank you to everyone who saw this, read it, and took the time to share it because now, I get to see her again. I get to be in the same space with her and find out if this is as real as we both thought it was.

And before you say anything, I have Sophie’s permission to post this. I won’t tell you everything because at least part of our story is for us alone, but we’ve been messaging, and I feel it; whatever the IT is that people feel when they really connect with someone, it’s there with us. She’s sweet and funny, and she makes me want to open up just by being on the other end of an email or text message.

I don’t know what’s going to happen. We might connect in this way, but when I get there, things could be totally different. It could be gone, whatever was between us. So, no one should be getting their hopes up that this is going to be a happily ever after, and that goes for me, too. Still, I can’t believe I’ll be talking to her tonight on the phone for the first time. She’s at dinner with her friends right now, and I didn’t want to be rude, so I had to stop texting her while she’s with them. I guess I want them to like me. It’s hard, though… I want to message her constantly. I want to hear her voice. I feel like I need to.

One of my friends, let’s call her K to preserve her privacy, was asking me earlier why I don’t ask for a picture or to FaceTime with Sophie. I suppose you all might be wondering the same. It’s been over a year. Am I even sure that it’s really her? Yes, I’m sure. The things we’ve shared tell me that it’s really her. And I thought about the picture as proof. I’ve definitely thought about a chat over video, but I was able to arrange a trip to see her sooner than I expected I’d be able to, so now, I want to see her in person for the first time again. I want to be able to hug her, hold her when I see her face for the first time in over a year, and to breathe in the grapefruit scent of her shampoo. Soph, I hope you haven’t changed your shampoo because I’m kind of counting on you here. It’s going to happen, and it’s happening because of all of you, so thank you. Thank you so much!

Because I’m sure I’ll get asked – yes, I’ll give you an update. I just don’t know when, though. I want to be with her. I want to spend every moment I can with her to find out what this thing is between us. I’ll share something when I can, but please allow us this space to just be. Thank you again.

Bryce had posted the next blog about an hour ago when Sophie had gone silent at her dinner. She’d planned on waiting, but she’d been bored, staring at her phone for well over five minutes after Sophie’s last message, so she’d given up, realizing she needed to leave the woman alone to have fun with her friends. She also hadn’t planned on asking her for a call tonight, but just thinking about hearing Sophie’s voice again had her wishing she could do that sooner than when she landed in New Orleans. Bryce felt like she’d waited long enough, so she’d put that message out into the ether, hoping Sophie would be feeling that same need.

When her phone rang, she expected it to be Sophie, but she’d been surprised and a little disappointed, if she was being honest, to see that it was Kelsey.

“Hey,” she said, answering the call.

“Hi,” Kelsey replied, sounding defeated or upset, at least.

“What’s wrong?”

“You know how I got kind of crazy when I was at your place earlier and told you about Megs and what I might be feeling?”

“Yes,” Bryce said, leaning back against the sofa.

“Well, it’s real, Bry,” Kelsey told her.

“What?”

“The feelings; they’re real. Megs sent me a picture of her with her date for the night, and well, my reaction wasn’t how a best friend should react to her being happy.”

“Kels, what did you do?”

“Nothing. It’s just the feeling that came over me when I saw it. She’s got taste. The woman who was kissing her on the cheek was beautiful, from what I could see.”

“I’m sorry, Kels.”

“Why did it take me this long to realize it? She’s been single forever. Hell, she’s wanted me forever.”

“Kels, you realize that your feelings might only have to do with the fact that Megan has someone now, right?”

“They’re not together. It’s been, like, two dates. I don’t even know if they’ve had a real kiss yet. And it’s Megs, so she hasn’t slept with her.”

“But you get what I’m saying, don’t you?”

“I do. And I know it’s bad that I’m only really figuring it out when she’s dating someone, but I told you earlier that it’s been longer than this. I’ve felt it for longer. I think I’ve been feeling it since New Orleans.”

“Wait… What?”

“Well, not New Orleans, exactly, but that night, when you were with Sophie and I was hanging out with Jill, these guys were flirting, and I danced with one of them. I mainly did it because Jill was flirting. I didn’t want to be rude to her and assume that she was and make her feel bad, so when he asked, I went out and danced with him, but the whole time, I kept thinking about Megan back at the hotel with Sean. I thought about how you and Sean couldn’t share a bed, so I had to sleep next to Sean, and you slept next to Megan because my guess is that she didn’t want to sleep next to me, for obvious reasons, but I started thinking about why I was thinking about that in the first place. Sean sleeps like a log. She’s out and doesn’t move. She’s a dream person to share a queen bed with.”

“I remember,” Bryce replied.

“But I was thinking about Megs, even though she tosses and turns like she’s having a night terror or something. It hit me more on the drive home: I was smiling more. She’d say something, and I’d laugh. Ever since, I’ve been wondering if I only want her.”

“Meaning, it’s not a woman thing but a Megan thing?”

“Does that happen? I’ve never wanted to have sex with another woman, Bryce. Not once have I even considered it. But I haven’t been with any guy since we got back. I’ve been thinking about Megan like that, picturing it.”

“Picturing the two of you…”

“Yes. I left your place today thinking that I needed to keep this to myself because I can’t risk hurting her or ruining our friendship, but then, I saw this picture, and it felt wrong that someone else was kissing Megan’s cheek.”

“She’s dating her. She’s finally trying to move on from her feelings for you, Kels.”

“I know. But if I feel them, too, she doesn’t have to move on. We can move on together.”

“Kelsey, what you’re saying is a big deal. You have to be sure about this. If you tell her, and she gives you a chance, but it turns out that you don’t want to be with her like that, it’ll devastate her. I’m not even sure your friendship would recover.”

“I know,” Kelsey said softly.

“ Do you, though? When you think about being with Megan like that, how does it feel?”

“Terrifying,” Kelsey replied quickly. “But also exciting. I’d be nervous as hell.” She laughed a little. “Like, I’d want to make her feel so good, Bry. But I’d have no idea what I’m doing.”

“It’s not that hard,” Bryce said, only half-kidding. “It’s been a long time since I’ve slept with a man, and I try not to think about that, but with a woman, it’s so different. For me, at least. Granted, the few guys I was with were young, and we weren’t exactly in serious relationships where we were in love or anything, so it’s probably different with guys if that’s the case, but when you’re with a woman, and there are real emotions, it’s not about one person doing something to the other to make themselves feel good, and hopefully, the woman feels good as a result. I realize not all guys are like that, but the ones I was with were.”

“You got a few thrusts, and that was it, huh?” Kelsey said knowingly.

“Yes, every time.” Bryce chuckled. “No guy ever came close to making me…”

“Got it,” Kelsey said. “Been there.”

“With Megan, you’d have all sorts of emotions, Kels. You’d have the love you two share as friends, that bond that you’ve had for years. You’d have trust between you two that you hadn’t had with any of your exes – or, at least, that’s what you’ve told me. You’d both be present in that moment. You’d want to take care of each other . Megan would be very patient. She’d never pressure. She would want to make you feel safe and loved, and yes, she would want you to feel good, too, but it’s not all about that.”

“It would be about us,” Kelsey said. “And finally expressing those feelings.”

“Yes,” Bryce replied. “So, if you think you really have those feelings, you need to keep in mind that Megan has been in love with you for years. I don’t say that to make you feel bad or scare you. It’s just where you are right now. You’ve been figuring it out for a year, but she’s been trying to move on for a year.”

“And she finally has.”

“I’m not sure she has yet,” Bryce said. “It’s more that she found someone who she thinks might be worth pursuing for the first time in a long time.”

“Bryce, whenever I think about losing her to this new woman, it’s not that I think I’m losing her as my friend , and I’m jealous of that. It’s that I feel like I’m losing an arm or something. It’s the fact that she’ll kiss her. She’ll get to kiss my Megs. I want to kiss her.”

“Now, you get it.” Bryce smiled, even though Kelsey couldn’t see her.

“Get what?”

“When I say my Sophie. You get it, don’t you?”

Kelsey chuckled and replied, “I’ve known Megan for years. We’re best friends. You knew Sophie for a few hours, so it’s different.”

“But it’s not when it comes to how it feels. I felt like I had my arm pulled away from me, too. I was sitting in that police station, thinking about how she was probably worried, wondering if I was okay, and maybe just standing at the bar alone, waiting for me to come back. I felt like I lost my heart that night, Kels, and it’s only been recently returned to me.”

“I feel the opposite now,” Kelsey shared. “Like I just lost it.”

“You haven’t lost anything yet, but you still need to be cautious here. Make sure you really want this before you say anything to her.”

“I don’t have much time. They’re just dating right now, but if they get together and they’re a couple, I can’t say anything. I wouldn’t get in the way of that for her.”

“Just don’t rush it because you think that’s going to happen soon. It’s taken Megs this long to go on a date with someone she’s interested in. I don’t think she’s just going to jump into a serious relationship. Maybe talk to her about how she’s feeling with this new person in her life before you go telling her how you feel. Check in with her first.”

“That’s good advice, except she won’t spend time alone with me,” Kelsey said.

“She texted you.”

“She texted all of us. It’s in our group message. You didn’t see it?”

“Oh, no. I haven’t checked that in a while. I was texting with Sophie and writing another blog.”

“She’s cute. You’ll see. I hate her,” Kelsey replied.

Bryce chuckled and said, “I’ll check it later. I’m talking to Sophie tonight.”

“I know. I caught the blog. Sean did, too,” Kelsey revealed. “She texted just me.”

“Oh,” she let out. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve told her not to read them.”

“Like she could skip them, knowing what you’re writing about,” Kelsey noted. “She needs to move on, too, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Bryce said, having nothing else to add.

“I’ll let you go so you can get ready for your chat with Sophie. Are you nervous?”

“Terrified,” she admitted.

“Just remember that night and how it felt, and you’ll be fine,” Kelsey said.

“Yeah.”

They hung up a minute later, and Bryce checked their group chat. The woman was cute. Megan had good taste. Still, responding with anything wasn’t an option because if she reacted with a heart emoji or told Megan that her date was cute, that would hurt Kelsey. This had gotten a little complicated recently. Then, Bryce noticed she had an email notification, which wasn’t strange because she was getting a ton of them, but this was to her professional email account that she reserved for people who were interested in working with her, not just her contact form.

Hello Bryce,

My name is Victoria, and I’m an editor for Women Loving Women magazine. We’re an online publication and a safe queer space for all. We put out a monthly edition on our site, and we post weekly articles as well, which we also link to blogs, pages, and videos we see online that we think are worth featuring.

A friend of mine found your recent blog posts, and we’ve linked them on our site, so it’s likely you’ll get some additional subscribers and visitors to yours, but I was hoping we could write an article about your story. I just read the blog you posted, and it sounds like you’re about to see Sophie in person again. I think this would be a great story for our readers – hopefully, an encouraging one for those who are looking for love – if things work out for you two.

Would you be interested in doing an interview with us? It would be great if we could get one of you, but you and Sophie together would be even better.

If so, I’d love to set something up as quickly as possible. We’d be able to get your story set up in an article soon, and then we could do a follow-up piece later. If you and Sophie end up working out, we could follow up again, maybe in a year or so. It could get you even more subscribers and visibility as well.

Please let me know at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely,

Victoria

Bryce stared at the email for a while because she hadn’t expected anyone to pick up her story or want to interview her about it. She didn’t know how to respond. She did know that she’d have to talk to Sophie about it first, so she closed the email and decided to kill time before their first phone call by typing up her first food blog in a while. Then, she got a text message.