Page 7 of Making Haven (Haven #1)

Devin

I wake up to a persistent purring against my chest. My hands slowly move around the magnificent creature who has deemed my chest a proper place to sleep.

I don’t want to spook her and have her run away.

My fingers are careful as they weave through her fur and a moment later, the purring intensifies.

I feel my lips form a smile. It feels odd.

I can’t remember the last time I felt like this.

Probably two and a half years ago before the zombies became a thing.

Back when I could come home from my pizza shop job, sit on the couch with a beer, and watch the latest episode of my favorite show with my feet up.

Part of me wants to push against this. I should push the cat away and get up.

I should find a way to stabilize my ankle and head the fuck out of here.

I can’t let myself get used to this. I can’t let myself get soft, because sometime soon I’ll be on the road again.

I’ll be on my own doing my best to survive and in my experience, softness gets you killed.

My mind screams at me to get up, but I find myself paralyzed where I am. I can’t move. This cat has put a spell on me or something.

“I wish I knew what your name is,” I say softly. The cat lifts her head towards me, her golden eyes looking completely unimpressed that I’m interrupting her sleep time. “Maybe I should name you.”

There’s that voice again, telling me to take a step back before I’m in too deep. How am I supposed to leave this lovely lady behind when my ankle is okay? It’s going to break my fucking heart.

A small part of me wonders why the hell I have to leave? Lawrence has more than enough space for me. Why can’t I just stay here?

But I can’t.

Not only do I not trust Lawrence, but this is his place. I’m not staying somewhere I’m not welcome. Do I even want to be welcome here? Do I want this place to become my home?

Why the hell does thinking about this leave me feeling so fucking conflicted?

I let out a frustrated groan that makes Her Majesty herself leap off my chest. I watch as she saunters away, stretches, and then wanders into the kitchen, meowing at the door.

I pull myself from my bed, following behind her slowly so I can let her out through the backdoor in the kitchen. I step out onto the steps, pissing off the side of the stairs before heading back inside, making sure the door is cracked so the cat can get back inside when she feels like it.

In the kitchen I find some eggs and tomatoes on the counter.

I narrow my eyes. I’m gonna have to tell Lawrence not to creep in here while I’m sleeping.

I’m surprised I didn’t wake up, I’m usually a really light sleeper these days.

I need to be awake at a moment's notice or it could mean I never wake up again. Maybe it’s a vampire thing?

Being able to creep around without making any noise?

I dig through the cabinets until I find a bowl, a fork, a knife, and a pan. I dice the tomatoes, scramble the eggs, and then pour it all into the pan.

“Fuck,” I murmur to myself as I bite into the other tomato. It’s so fucking fresh. The juices run from the corners of my mouth and I moan completely unabashed. It’s been so long since I’ve had anything like this in my mouth. It’s so good that I devour the rest of it in two bites.

I take my pan over to the fire, setting it directly into the coals that are leftover from the last time I added wood. It’ll take a bit longer this way but it’ll give me time to explore a bit.

With my food cooking, I head over to the bathroom.

Rummaging through the cabinets I find a variety of useful things.

There’s half a bottle of antibiotics that are expired but hey, beggars can’t be choosers.

There’s painkillers and first aid supplies and finally, I find what I most desperately need; some athletic wrap.

Sitting on the side of the tub, I wrap the cloth carefully around my ankle, making it more stable and sturdy. I stand up, testing it and let out a sigh. That’s gonna help get me around better. Perfect.

I feel bad as I bring the rest of the supplies with me into the living room, carefully putting them into my backpack.

I might need these in the future, so why do I feel bad about taking them?

It’s not stealing. It’s not like Lawrence is gonna have more houseguests anytime soon.

These supplies are going to waste when I could desperately need them someday.

I’m so sick of these feelings. Things were simpler when it was just me out in the wild. Things weren’t necessarily easy out there all alone but things were much less complicated. There was only survive without all the added complications of feelings.

I limp back to the living room, finding my eggs cooked. I take the pan away from the coals and set it carefully onto a towel I have waiting on the floor. I sit down on the floor, eating it straight from the pan.

Groaning in pleasure, I dig into the food with vigor, delighted by the freshness. I was never a fan of scrambled eggs before but now this might literally become my favorite meal. It’s gonna suck to go back to my canned diet when I leave.

After eating, I look out the window to check the time.

I think it’ll be an hour or two before the sun is down and Lawrence can come out.

I’m amazed at the way my body has gotten used to this new schedule so quickly.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be fully nocturnal but for the time being, sleeping during the day hasn’t been a problem.

Just another thing I’ll have to fix once I leave.

Instead of letting myself be consumed by all the what-if’s that come with the future, I do my best to focus on what’s happening right here, right now. I grab my walking stick and limp through the front door, wanting to see this place in the light of day for the first time since getting here.

There’s nine houses all together and from what I can tell, all of them have more than one room to them. Lawrence could house so many people here. So many survivors could find refuge. Not that he could trust just anyone of course. There are some people out there that are worse than the zombies.

There are big light poles throughout the street but they obviously no longer work. I wonder if I could find some solar power lights to replace them with.

I groan in frustration, pinching the bridge of my nose. Why do I keep thinking about changing things when this is a short term thing? When will my brain let that sink in? It might be short term but there’s no reason I can’t enjoy things while they’re here, right?

What could go wrong?

I sit on the porch and wait until the sun sets, waving to Lawrence as he steps outside his house. “Morning.”

Lawrence steps over to me. “I take it your night went well? Could you sleep all day or is your sleep schedule all fucked up now?”

“A little of A, a little of B,” I say truthfully. As much as I want to be an ass, it’s becoming harder and harder to keep acting like Lawrence is a bad person. Vampire. Whatever.

I want to keep my walls up, just in case, but seeing him as a bad guy when all he’s done is show me kindness feels fucked up. I’m an untrusting ass, but even I can see reason!

“I have something I want to work on today,” he says, shifting from foot to foot. “But I can put it off if you’d rather I stay around here?”

I shake my head. “Nah, you go do your thing. I’ll stay here and try to find where Her Majesty has gone.”

“Her Majesty? You named the cat?” Lawrence gives me an unreadable look, something between disbelief and fondness. I do my best not to read too far into it.

“She needed a fitting name,” I tell him with a scowl.

Lawrence chuckles warmly, shaking his head. “I’m not going far so I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Alright. I’ll just be here hoping you don’t die while you’re gone.”

“Aww! You do care!”

“Nope. Just don’t want to have the burden of bringing the water up from the well until I’m better,” I say, but do my best to keep my voice light so it’s clear that I’m trying to joke. There’s that look of disbelief again before he’s shaking his head and walking away.

I watch until he disappears down the hill, making his way into the nearby trees past the fences. My stomach turns unpleasantly as I watch him go. Yet another complication that I don’t fucking need. Fuck Lawrence. Fuck these feelings. Fuck me.

“Hey there, beautiful,” I call out as Her Majesty makes her way over to me. The two of us sit on the porch, waiting for Lawrence to return. I’m not sure how long he’s gone but eventually, I see him making his way back.

I’m expecting him to run but he’s walking incredibly slowly, something cradled gently in his hands. As he gets closer, I can hear him talking. No, not talking, he’s humming.

The humming is so soft, so soothing. It feels so wrong. I don’t remember the last time I’ve heard something so gentle. It’s been so long.

My chest aches as I sit and listen. Could there be softness left in the world? Could gentleness still live on despite all the horrors that surround us?

The only name I can come up with for the feeling inside of me is longing. I put on a hard exterior because it’s the only thing I know that can guarantee my survival. That doesn’t mean I don’t crave the opposite, that I don’t crave softness. God, maybe I even need it.

“Whatcha got there?”

Lawrence looks up and the humming stops. I miss the noise immediately. He gives me a sheepish look before opening his palm. “Beehive with a queen. I’ve made my own beehive here but didn’t have a queen until now.”

He looks away, starting up the humming once more. He’s keeping the bees soothed and at ease with the noise so they don’t sting him. This is the man I was so distrustful of. Someone who soothes bees with humming.

Something inside of me shifts. There’s a small blossom of hope. It’s terrifying to feel this again after not allowing myself to hope for so long.

This place could be my safe haven. This place could be so much more than a place haunted by people’s past lives. This place could have a real future.

I just have to figure out how to swallow my pride. I can show Lawrence that it’s better if I stay rather than leave when my ankle is better. I just have to figure out how to stop being an ass. Should be easy, right?