Page 12 of Making Haven (Haven #1)

Lawrence

What the actual fuck just happened?

I feel like my feet have fallen into cement, keeping me frozen in place, unable to chase after Devin.

His words keep playing over and over inside my head.

What the fuck did he mean that ‘I don’t need him but he needs me’?

How am I supposed to even begin to process that while he’s on his way back out into the wild?

Fuck. I grip my hair, tugging on the strands until my scalp prickles with pain. The pain seems to get things moving, unfreezing myself from the spot.

No, none of this is right. None of this is okay.

I need Devin.

The time that he’s been here has been some of the best since the world went to shit and there’s no way I’m just letting him go. Devin is worth fighting for.

I’ll find him, yell at him, tell him how I’m actually feeling, and if he still wants to leave, then so be it.

But there’s no way I’d ever be able to forgive myself if I just let him go without some sort of fight, especially because he seems like he’s not in the right headspace to be making these types of decisions.

God, I hope I’m right.

Her Majesty rubs herself against my leg, looking up at me with wide eyes. She gives me an incredibly pitiful meow that tugs at my heart. Reaching down, I give her a quick scratch.

“Don’t worry,” I tell her softly, “I’ll bring him home.”

As I make my way outside, my chest does a little flip, almost like my heart is beating once more.

Home. I called this place Devin’s home. Things changed between us so gradually that I barely even noticed it happening.

One moment he was an antagonizing asshole and the next I have genuine feelings for him.

I want him here. I want him to see this place as his home as well.

God, how the hell did things get so fucked up?

If I wasn’t sure about my feelings before, now they’re cemented. I care about Devin. Imagining life without him here is almost unbearable. I have to get him back because I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t. I don’t even let myself think about coming back home without him.

The stars twinkle above, giving me the illusion of a beautiful night if it weren’t for Devin’s escape act.

This is the type of night I would usually share with him.

I would tend the bees and he’d sit on the back porch with Her Majesty to watch on.

He hides his soft sides but when he doesn’t know I’m looking, I see the soft smiles and softened edges.

This can’t be the end.

I make my way to the gate, slipping through it easily. I tilt my face up, breathing in deeply. It might be creepy to track someone using my vampire senses but I don’t care. Devin’s always known what I am and hasn’t had an issue with it recently. I’m going to use every advantage granted to me.

Maybe being a vampire isn’t a curse if it keeps the people I care about safe.

I know this area like the back of my hand and even though Devin has a head start, I’m much faster. I should be able to catch up to him quickly. Once I have his scent and the general direction he was heading, I’m off.

Devin and I have been in this direction before. This is where we go when we want to bathe in the creek. My stomach is a mess of worried anxiety but also warm as I think about shaving Devin’s face, watching him bathe, seeing him naked.

I’m so distracted by everything that’s happened tonight and the thoughts jumping around inside my skull that I don’t notice the scents in the air until it’s too late.

Humans.

I cry out in pain as a trap snaps around my right leg. I look down, my eyes wide as I stare at the metal contraption holding onto my leg. It’s similar to a bear trap but something manmade, thank fuck, otherwise my leg might be too far gone to try to save.

What little blood I have in my system sluggishly wells up against my skin, dripping down my leg below the trap. The pain makes my vision white out, fuzzy dots dancing around the edges.

I don’t remember experiencing pain like this before and it takes everything in me to bite down on my bottom lip instead of screaming. I can’t alert the owner of this trap that they’ve caught something. I can’t let zombies hear easy prey.

God fucking damn it.

I breathe in through my nose, ignoring how shaky the noise is as I lean down, trying to find a switch or something to get this thing to let go. I can’t get my body to stop shaking and I realize I’m going into shock. I’m a vampire for fuck’s sake, this will not be the thing that ends me.

Not finding anything, I reach my fingers into the damn thing. Using every ounce of strength I possess, I pry it apart and fling it away from my body. My pants are ripped, showing off my pale skin dripping with dark blood.

Who the fuck laid this trap? Who the fuck is invading our area? What was their intended prey?

My head is growing foggy from the pain, but it’s fine, I can push through it. I take another step. Then another in the direction I’m pretty sure Devin went. I’ll be fine so long as I can get my fangs sunk into something soon. A bird. A deer. Anything really, and then I’ll be right as rain.

Just have to find Devin first.

I limp my way through the forest, doing my best to avoid the trees and stumps along the way. My leg hurts so badly that I know I’m not being as stealthy as I want to be. Every creature nearby can probably hear me fumbling around, huffing and hissing in pain. I’m a moving target.

I should get myself back home. I’m just a liability to Devin.

Finding a sturdy tree, I lean against it, trying to regain my balance. Fuck. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe falling for him was a mistake. I should cut my strings and learn to live alone once more.

But I can’t.

Now that I know what it’s like to have Devin, I can’t go back without a fight.

I continue into the wooded area until I can hear moving water. I scent the air again, the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. Someone has been here. Some time recently. Fuck, I should have been more careful. I should have taken patrols more seriously.

If anything happens to Devin, I’ll never forgive myself.

Thankfully, it’s only a few more minutes of stumbling before I find him. I want to approach him with care, not wanting to startle him or make a complete fool of myself. The stone I trip on apparently had other ideas.

I land in a heap on the ground with a loud humph.

“What the fuck? Lawrence?”

I look up at Devin, doing my best to give him a smile, but the look is more of a grimace.

“I told you not to follow me.”

“I know,” I say with a groan, trying my best to readjust to no avail. I’ve lost enough blood in my leg that it’s gone numb, which is not a great sign. But hey, at least the pain is fading!

“What’s wrong?” Devin moves over to me, squatting down and taking a look at my leg. “Fucking Christ.” He’s pulling a knife from his pocket, slicing my jeans even more to give himself a better view.

As carefully as possible, we get my body turned over into a sitting position. He looks it over, his brows wrinkling in a way I find entirely too endearing. I focus on that instead of my leg which looks like a mangled mess made worse by my walking on it all the way out here.

“I need--” I cut myself off, looking away. I don’t know what the fuck I need. Other than him.

“You need my help,” he says softly. His eyes dart over to mine for a moment before he’s looking back down.

“I can’t fix this. If you were human I’d probably tie a tourniquet on the thing and do as much to repair it as possible but you’re barely bleeding.

” His eyes scan over my face. “I didn’t know it was possible for you to get even paler, Lawrence. ”

There’s worry in his eyes. For some reason, that’s the thing that gives me hope that we’re not completely done. There’s a chance he cares for me just the same way I care for him.

Reaching out, I touch his cheek. “Why did you leave?” I whisper.

“There was a group when this all went down,” Devin starts to say, taking a shaky breath.

His dark eyes won’t meet mine. I want to ask so many questions, but I stay completely still, not even breathing as I wait for him to go on.

“I figured staying with more people would keep me safe. They’re the reason I stay alone.

The things they did.” Devin pauses, biting his bottom lip.

There’s a haunted look in his eyes, one that I wish I could chase away for him.

He’s been through so much. I get why he pushes people away.

I get why he’s an ass. He shakes his head before going on.

“Ever since then, I knew it wasn’t the zombies that we should fear, it’s the other living people out there. ”

I reach over and place my hand on his arms. His eyes snap up to meet mine. “I’m sorry you went through that.”

“Me too,” he says softly. “That’s why I hated you.

Well, that and your fangs.” I can’t help but snort, shaking my head at him.

The very last wall between us falls down, leaving both of us flayed open and exposed.

We’ve laid it all on the line. “But then you were nothing like them. You’re kind and gentle and everything worth living for.

I fell for you, Lawrence. But you can’t fall in love during the end of the world. ”

“Why not?” I demand. I yank him forward until his face is close enough for me to kiss him, and kiss him I do. I kiss him with everything I have, needing him to know that he’s it for me. I need him to know the magnitude of my feelings.

I need him. I want him. I can’t go back to just surviving. With Devin, I’m finally living.

“It’s too late,” I tell him as we break apart. “Because I’ve fallen for you too.” Our foreheads touch, our noses brushing against each other. “Plus,” I whisper, finally letting myself smile. “I promised Her Majesty that I would bring you back home.”

“I wouldn’t want to disappoint her.”

“Thank you for finally letting me in,” I say, my insides turning to goo at how soft Devin’s eyes are.

I’m not sure he’s ever allowed himself to look at me like this before.

“I promise to do everything in my power to make sure to never take it for granted. I want you with me for as long as this fucked up world will allow it.”

“I’m sorry for pushing you away. I can’t promise I won’t do it again, but I’ll do my best to always come back. Okay?”

“That works for me,” I tell him, giving him another kiss. “I might need you to carry me back home.”

“I have another idea,” he says, the sides of his mouth tipping up ever so slightly, making my stomach flutter at seeing him smile. “Here.” Devin holds his wrist to my mouth.

“What?”

“Bite me.”