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SEVENTY-ONE

Real As Ever - Jack Harris

I have a panic attack in the bathroom. It feels like I can barely breathe. I’m burning up, and I rip my shirt off.

I hate thinking about my past. I actively try not to. Like, maybe if I forget it’s there, then it won’t bother me anymore. But to hear Logan and Ronan talk about it like it’s real reminds me that it is real. It wasn’t a dream.

I don’t know how long I’m curled up on the bathroom floor, fighting my brain. The cool tile helps, and I focus on the coolness and the grooves between the pieces. When the floor gets too warm, I shift to the cool spots.

At some point, the door opens, and both men come in.

“Fuck, freckles.” Warm arms wrap around me, pulling me up.

I don’t fight them. Because I just need something to anchor me. Someone else slides down, and then Logan wraps us both in his arms.

“S-s-s-s-” I try to apologize, but the words won’t come out.

“Don’t apologize,” Ronan says. “We can beat Logan’s ass for snooping later.”

I let out a puff of air. I snooped, too. I found out about Greyson.

They just hold me in silence for a long time. It seems like it takes forever before I feel like my chest isn’t caving in and I’m not having a heart attack.

And then, once that feeling stops, I melt into them, just soaking in the comfort. Life is so weird. One minute, I’m afraid of them, and the next, they’re giving me the most comfort I’ve felt in years.

And I realize that I want them to come to the wedding with me. For some reason, I feel that my dad’s disapproval couldn't touch me if they were there.

Just as I’m working up the courage to say something, I hear soft snores. I glance around as much as I can. Ronan has passed out on top of me.

Logan chuckles softly, stroking my hair.

“D-d-d-do you want to come with m-m-m-me?” I ask.

There’s a silence. A silence where I’m scared he’ll say no and that I never should have asked. Why did I ask?

Then, Logan kisses the top of my head. “I’d be honored.” A delicious warmth spreads through my whole body. Somehow, nothing is okay, but everything is okay at the same time.

“But,” Logan continues, “let’s play hooky. I’m worried about your safety if your dad sees you with us.”

Fuck. I didn’t think about that.

“Plus, we are suspects in your case. We may have to let the heat die down a little.” Logan laughs gently.

Fuck. I also didn’t think about that.

“But, I promise, when it’s safe, I’ll take you on the best date ever. In public. If you’re okay with that.”

My cheeks flame. “Oh, I…uh…yeah. But you don’t have t-t-t-” Fuck, why the hell am I stuttering. I get so stuck on that word I can’t get it out.

“Hey.” Logan shifts us so Ronan’s passed out on my lap, and it’s just Logan facing me. He touches my face.

“S-s-s-s-” I try to apologize, but it’s not working. Why the hell isn’t it working?

“Kota.” He traces his fingers up and down my face, his blue gaze kind. “Don’t apologize.”

I suck in a breath. “It’s-s-s-s supos-s-s-sed to get better. When I’m comfortable.”

Logan just chuckles softly. “Get better? This isn’t something you’re doing on purpose.”

I blink.

Logan brushes back my hair, then leans in so close that our noses bump. “I’m not going anywhere. You have time. You’re not an inconvenience. And I’m not waiting for you to ‘get better.’ Whatever the hell that means. You’re perfect just the way you are.”

My throat closes up. Fuck. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted to hear, and it makes my throat so tight.

“Why?” The question comes out before I can stop it.

Logan tightens his grip on me. For a long time, I don’t think he’s going to answer. His blue eyes stare off at the vanity, and there’s the tiniest crease between his eyes. But then he says, “I want you to feel safe. I had a chance once before, and I fucked it up.” He swallows. “I get to try again, and I want to do it right.”

Fuck, the pain in his voice hurts me. I don’t want him to hurt.

Logan looks down at me with that backwards hat on and so much understanding in his eyes. And for a minute, I’m afraid to look too long in his eyes. The eyes that see so much of me.

“Do you want this?” Logan barely blinks. It’s like he’s sucked up all the energy in the room, and it’s hard for me to breathe. All I can do is look at his face. His handsome, chiseled face and full lips.

Logan’s eyes dart down to my own lips. He licks his, looking back at me with a question in his eyes.

And yes. I think I do want this. But I’m scared.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Logan leans down. And I don’t pull away. He gets closer and closer until Logan brushes a feathery kiss across my lips. The touch makes electricity run through me, and I suck in a breath.

Then, a phone dings. I settle in under Ronan’s weight as Logan checks it. He sighs. “Fuck. They want to meet.”