Page 97 of Make-Believe Match

“You don’t need to ask my permission, Devlin.”

“I’m asking anyway.”

“It’s fine.” My voice was papery thin.

He reached over and ran his fingertips up and down my arm. “You don’t have to worry. I’m not leaving for good. It’s just an interview.”

“It’s fine, Devlin.”

“You could come with me if you want.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, imagining us strolling on the pier, eating dinners in cute little beachside restaurants, setting a hotel bed on fire at night. “I don’t really have time for a trip. Lots to do at home.”

“Okay.” He kept rubbing my arm. “I feel like something is wrong. Was that too much for you—being tied up like that?”

“No. It’s not that.”

“But there’s something?”

Yes, there was something. But I couldn’t admit it. I couldn’t deny it either, because even though the lights were off, Devlin no longer needed to see my face to take my temperature. He knew me too well. Maybe I could talkaroundit. Be truthful if not entirely honest.

“It was just something Jennifer said earlier,” I told him.

“What did she say?”

I took a breath. “Something about how you helped her family, so she was glad to help yours.”

“That’swhat got to you?”

“Well, yes.” I bunched up the covers at my waist. “It hadn’t occurred to me before that people would look at you and me as a family. I know that sounds dumb, but the word just hit me hard.”

“Oh. I get it.” He thought for a moment. “I don’t think that’s dumb at all. You take the idea of family seriously.”

“Don’t you?”

“Yes. But I guess I’ve never really thought I’d have my own family, so maybe it’s different for me.”

I shifted to my side, facing him. In the dark, it was easier to be truthful. “Can I ask why you don’t want your own family? You like kids so much, and you’re so great with Sara. Seeing you with her today...it was really easy imagining you as a dad.”

He was silent for a moment. “Sometimes I imagine it too. But that’s as far as it goes.”

“How come?”

“I guess I just don’t like the idea of settling down. I like to keep moving, you know?”

“Stillness can be nice too.”

“I’ve never liked stillness, to be honest.”

“Why not?”

He rolled to his back again, placing his hands behind his head. When he spoke, his voice was deep and quiet. “When I’m still for too long, I feel things too deeply.”

My throat caught, because I understood. “I get that. But...maybe it doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. I mean, I feel things deeply too.”

“Has it made you happy? Feeling things so deeply?”

“Not yet, I guess. But I hope someday it does.”