Page 63 of Madness Becomes Her

“I can’t wield that thing and kill some creature. For what? To end some queen’s reign in a land I don’t belong to? This is madness. I’m sorry, but it is. I need to go home. Nothing makes sense here, especially if you think I’m the one who will fix everything wrong in this world.Me?!I’m nobody.”

Fin grabs my shoulders, holding me hostage as I fall into sobs. “You’re everything good about Wonderland.”

“This isn’t my world.”

“If it wasn’t, then how did you get in?” he poses the question I’ve been wondering all along, but was too scared to ask. “Wonderland doesn’t let that which doesn’t belong inside, Tiger Lily. How did you get in?”

“But—”

He shakes his head. “You’ve had a long day. I’ll tell the queen you’ll be retiring, and you can rest. Tomorrow. We’ll deal with all this tomorrow.”

He turns away like his words will fix everything, but there’s still a war in my chest, one I can’t ignore simply because Hatter tells me to.

Picking a blanket up off the foot of an elaborate bed, I ball it up and toss it at the back of Finlo’s head. “No!”

He turns, and I expect to see anger coloring his face, but there isn’t even a speckle.

“I’m going to feel this way, no matter what. This isn’t my home!”

“It is.”

“Just because you say so?!” My chest is so full of emotion, it feels like it’ll rip open and spill its contents out at Finlo’s feet at any moment.

“No!” he shouts, grabbing me again by the shoulders and staring deep into my eyes. “Because you feel it. Here.” His finger presses into my chest, and my breathing shallows. “And here.” His fingers drag over my stomach.

I can’t deny his words or how being with him feels. But the differing realities I’ve dwelled in are clashing in my mind, fighting for who’s the dominant, and I don’t know which is correct.

His hand is still on my stomach, his eyes trailing to the contact as my breathing grows erratic.

“Fin,” I whisper, my voice cracking.

“Does this not feel like home, Elli-Roo?” His fingers slip beneath my shirt, kneading into my skin like a warm promise of more.

I don’t know how to answer because I don’t know if he means this place or him when he refers to home, so I remain silent. Until his fingers slip beneath the front of my pants and a stifled moan slips past my lips.

Walking me backward, Fin sits me on the edge of the bed, angling his fingers beneath my panties to rub from clit to entrance as he stokes a fire that’s been burning since this morning.

I half expect Lewis to come banging on the door like usual, but the knock never comes.

“You’ve always felt like home to me, but it’s different now.”

“How?” I breathe, half-moaning the question as he slides two fingers inside me.

“Because before, keeping you safe gave me purpose. Keeping you beside me, sated, and happy now gives my life meaning. Gives it color.”

I moan as his fingers cause a surge of wetness to pool, but they aren’t enough to put out the dangerous flames building inside me. “Fin!” I beg, tugging his hand from beneath my pants before standing and shoving them to the floor.

He growls, pressing me back onto the bed.

I scoot backward, watching the change in his green eyes as he crawls up the bed.

When he reaches me, I lay my head back on the pillow, feeling exposed with my center left bare beneath him and his eyes on me.

I tug off his hat and toss it across the room, earning a gasp from him as he turns his attention to where it fell long enough for me to reach between us and open his pants.

His attention back on me, his eyes flick to where I’ve pulled his hardness out and am stroking its soft skin.

“Eleanor,” he whispers raggedly.