Page 6 of Mad for Madison (The Boys of Hudson Burrow #4)

CHAPTER 5

The Morning After

Bradley

When I woke up in a strange bed and with a foreign feeling all over my body, it took me several heartbeats to remember where I was. A hotel room at the Orbit, the morning after the charity gala in the ballroom far below me, and with…

I looked around.

The other side of the bed was empty, the comforter pulled carelessly over the space where his body should have been. We had fallen asleep together, naked and holding one another as if neither had any plans to ever let go.

I’d known better, though. I’d known he would let go sooner or later. The disappointment that made my stomach feel hollow and uneasy was ridiculous and redundant. I had told myself that this would happen and that I would have no reason to grudge him.

Even so, my heart sank. Maybe some deeply hidden part of me had hoped for more than just sex. Had I ever wanted just sex, I could have had it. Everyone could score a random hookup, especially if you were a bartender at a popular queer den. People came to Neon Nights to have a good time, and being flirty with them was part of my job. But I had never followed through.

Because I don’t want to just have sex , I thought. I want to connect with another person. I want to hold him, have him, claim him for those few sweet minutes before it’s done .

Sex was a physical act no different from what I could do by myself just fine. And no different from what I had done with Ava. A mechanical motion, repeating itself until the job was done. No. I wanted someone who would set my heart and soul on fire and leave me gasping for more, not because the work was hard but because they simply took my breath away.

Someone like Madison.

But he was gone. And maybe it was better that way. Having to wake up next to him would only remind me of how things could have been had our entire lives played out differently. It would have reminded me of the things that could never be.

I resolved to take this with my head held high. It wasn’t a bruise to my ego. Madison had given me exactly what I had asked for. He’d made me feel like he’d wanted me, and I had never experienced such mutual and explosive attraction before. Wasn’t that enough? I had no reason to be greedy.

I sat up in the bed, the comforter sliding off my bare chest and folding over my naked crotch, one leg sticking out, my gaze moving over the room. The moment I noticed something that wasn’t supposed to be there if he’d left before I’d woken up, the door of the bathroom swung open, and a cloud of steam poured into the bedroom.

Madison stepped out, tall and beautiful and as naked as he could be. His tanned skin glistened with condensation, his dark hair wet and matted in thick curls, and his figure as perfect as it could be. “You’re up,” he said.

Dragging my gaze over him, I held back my reply. I was up in more ways than one. A sudden wave of embarrassment passed through me. I was too old to be this easily turned on, yet my heart was on fire precisely as I’d wanted. “I thought you’d left.”

“What, like left you all alone in here?” Madison asked, a bewildered smile touching his lips.

I shrugged.

“You’re adorable,” Madison said, although something in the way he said it felt like being playfully scolded.

I did my best to conceal the relief. This feeling was what I imagined a bird might feel when taking flight. It was incredible and uplifting, as if I had shed all my weight and my very nature propelled me to soar to unseen heights.

“What do you want to do today?” Madison asked, crossing the room to where his underwear lay on the floor. He picked them up and tossed them on the bed, then sat down, his right hand touching my ankle fondly.

My heart raced as I looked from his hand to his face, my gaze trailing his sculpted muscles before reaching its destination. “Gran’s playing bridge with her girls in the afternoon. I said I would take Lily out. Probably to the Museum of Natural History. She loves the gigantic skeletons.”

“Lily,” Madison said, smiling. “Such a sweet name.”

His words dragged a reluctant smile from me. I didn’t know what this feeling was. It couldn’t have been anger, yet it felt too much like it. Was I angry with him before the fact? Was I just ready to hear something that was better left unsaid? Was I simply waiting for the conversation in which we reminded ourselves that it couldn’t happen again?

I shuffled around the bed and planted my feet on the floor, then got up while taking a towel Madison had brought to bed last night and used it to conceal how hard I was. “Gotta brush my teeth.”

I slipped into the bathroom and did just that, avoiding looking in the mirror. I was impossibly hard, my cock throbbing so deeply that my entire body pulsed with the sensation. It drove me mad, and it had no place in this room this morning. It should have stayed behind us.

I splashed my face with cold water, and that helped jump-start my brain, directing my thoughts away from Madison’s pretty figure. Relief set in again, but it was nothing like the relief of learning I hadn’t been left alone in here.

I tied the towel around my waist even though the embarrassing part was over. Madison could stroll around naked all he liked, but I wasn’t nearly as comfortable in my body. So I stepped out of the bathroom expecting to find him dressed, ready to hear him say we should probably leave, but instead, I found him lying on the bed, not a scrap of clothing on him, one arm lifted and forearm covering his eyes.

“You’re really happy when you’re naked,” I said from the doorway, my breaths shallow.

Madison chuckled. “Come here.”

I went. It was an unconscious decision. I didn’t need to think about it. Not for a heartbeat did I debate it with myself. He called, and I went; it was that simple.

Madison lifted his head and scanned me slowly and thoroughly. “Now, why would you torture me with that towel?”

I didn’t think you’d want to see me , I thought. But his words gave me courage, so I untied it slowly, moving it inch by inch away from my waist.

“You’re such a tease,” he said, propping himself up on one elbow and extending his free arm to me.

I took the hand he offered and pulled the towel aside. Although I had finally gotten over it, my erection was quick to return. My dick swelled before his eyes, and a quick glance down Madison’s body told me he felt the same.

Could this be real? Could he actually want me even after he had had me once?

I climbed into the bed with him and lay by his side, our bodies meeting and connecting, fitting together like pieces of a puzzle.

“Are you okay?” Madison asked softly.

I nodded.

He gazed into my eyes for a while longer, hand caressing the side of my torso. “I want to kiss you again,” he said.

“You don’t need to ask,” I replied.

Madison nodded, then leaned in. His lips were soft and impossibly gentle when they pressed against mine. He kissed me not in the way people kissed when they were horny and impatient. He kissed me like he wanted to remember what it tasted like.

The morning minutes ticked away as he indulged in the pleasures we offered one another. Melting into each other and drinking up one another, we explored our bodies, our shapes, our sensitive places, and our reactions until I felt like I knew him better than I knew myself. Madison was ticklish, but he didn’t pull away or laugh. He tensed when my fingers passed someplace that tickled him. He tensed and took it bravely, almost like he was fascinated by the sensation, by the risk of it, by the chance that I would do something to him. He also liked when I bit the soft part of his ear. It made him coil under my weight, his fingers running through my hair or clutching my back. And when my lips were around his cock, Madison wore such a blessedly peaceful expression that it was impossible to look away from him. He wore it until the very last moment before his climax, when his chest would heave and body shuddered, and all his fingers and toes curled in a spasm of thundering pleasure.

I knew these things and more. I knew the flavor of him when he lost all control and let himself finish in my mouth, the sweetness with a hidden note of tartness that I would never forget.

Madison Masters gave me all I wanted. And it was in moments like these that I dared believe it was real.

After we finished, we lay together and basked in the afterglow of unexpected pleasure. Then, Madison got up, content and calm, and took my hand. He led me to the bathroom without speaking a word, and we showered together, exchanging a few last kisses before this dream was over.

Once we dressed, Madison offered to have breakfast together. “Unless you have to go.”

“I have time,” I said. Gran liked Sunday mornings with Lily. They did arts and crafts in the apartment before I picked Lily up for an excursion in the city, giving Gran a respite from raising my child.

“Good,” Madison said.

We left the room behind and went down to the ballroom that was converted back into the restaurant. The richly decorated interior made me long for Mama Viv’s Neon Nights, where there were few rules and no expectations. I sat with my back straight and my best smile on, but I was out of place.

I didn’t belong in a hotel full of popular, good-looking stars and forward-thinking investors. I didn’t belong on Madison’s arm. Who would believe us if they saw us in the light of day? The differences were so incredible that I half-suspected everyone had seen through us last night.

Madison waved at someone after we had ordered a table full of breakfast treats.

“Good morning,” the deep voice said from behind me. I turned and saw Ricardo, Madison’s scene partner. He was a big guy in his early thirties, but he still had that frat bro look that sold well. “How are you two lovebirds feeling?”

“I’m in Heaven,” Madison said, his voice sweet and tender. “Did we miss anything last night?”

Ricardo glanced at me briefly, then lifted his eyebrows and made an apologetic face. “Your friend drank a few too many and fell into the fish pool.”

Madison laughed so loudly and abruptly that I almost jumped. “That’s so fucking typical,” he said once he calmed down. “Was he nasty?”

“He was too wet to be nasty, Nico,” Ricardo said. “Well, I’ll leave you two to eat. Just wanted to say hello.” He looked at me again and smiled. “It was nice meeting you.”

As he left, I leaned toward Madison. “He really thinks we’re together.”

Madison winked at me, beaming with pride. “Of course he does. We make a gorgeous couple.”

I snort-chuckled.

He cocked his head at that. “You don’t believe me.”

I met Madison’s gaze. It searched me for a few moments, and then I shrugged. “I just thought it would be hard to believe. You’re like a supermodel, and I…well, I’m me.”

Madison took a sip of hot coffee from his mug. “Yes, you’re you. That’s why I asked you . You’re beautiful, Bradley.”

I blinked. I didn’t know what to say to polite compliments. “I’m just…normal. I’m not that special.”

Madison scoffed. “You say that like it’s a bad thing. Do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to stay normal in this crazy world? I like that you’re normal.” He put his mug down. “And you’re wrong. You’ve no idea how special you are.”

“You know what I mean,” I said, divided between appreciating his effort to make me feel good and the awkwardness of having to argue against it.

“I really don’t,” Madison said.

A waiter pushed a large cart to our table and began placing all kinds of dishes for breakfast. Eggs Benedict and good old American pancakes, and slices of cake, and fried bacon, and hash browns, none in any particular order.

Madison looked at all of it once the waiter moved on. He took a single egg and piled up some salad on the side. He didn’t touch anything that was tasty on our table.

“You insist on having a low opinion of yourself,” Madison said softly. It wasn’t an accusation, but it sounded almost like it.

“I don’t think I do,” I said, wondering if this was an opportunity for me to resist indulging in everything that was on the table before me. It all looked so delicious. I liked good food, and I had a sweet tooth. When I could, I worked out to even it out, and I had a reasonable amount of control over myself, but I couldn’t be like Madison. “I’m just being real. I’m not a…catch.”

Madison snorted. “You’re telling that to a porn star, Bradley.”

“Everyone wants to be with you,” I pointed out.

Madison looked into my eyes. “Everyone wants to be with me, yes. But who wants to date someone like me?”

I frowned. Hadn’t I just told him? “What do you mean?”

Madison continued to look at me, now genuinely bewildered. “Do you really think people are lining up to try and take me on a date? They aren’t. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t regret my choices, but I really made it impossible for guys to want to be in a relationship with me.”

I swallowed and looked at my plate. I hadn’t thought about it that way. I would have risked so much for a chance to have him had my life been different. I had a responsibility that was more important than this. But I also wanted him to know. “It wouldn’t matter to me.”

Madison laughed softly, almost thankfully. “It would, Bradley. Sooner or later, it would matter.” He smiled now, his mood lighting up. “How did we start talking about me again? I was trying to tell you that you are a catch.”

“You’re not eating,” I said, deflecting one last time.

“I can’t.”

“But it’s delicious,” I said, lifting a bite of my pancake, the syrup dripping from it. I brought it halfway between us, offering him the bite.

“I really can’t,” he said, smiling with something like fascination glowing in his eyes. “Not that it’s not tempting, but I have to stay under twelve percent.”

I frowned. “Of what?”

“Body fat,” Madison said.

“Seriously?”

He nodded. His voice had something like contempt in it when he spoke again. “It’s the only way to have abs. And people love abs.”

“So you can’t eat any of this?” I asked.

Madison was clearly torn between being entertained by my curiosity and irritated, but he replied anyway. “I got a personal trainer who made a diet plan for me when I started working with an actual production company. It’s all protein stuff and no joy at all. Plus, I’m exhausted as soon as I wake up.”

“That doesn’t sound healthy,” I said.

Madison shook his head dismissively. “It’s not unhealthy, but it serves no purpose other than making me more camera-ready.”

“I didn’t know that,” I said. “I always wanted to look more like you.”

Madison nodded. “Most guys do. Especially gay guys. We all grew up believing we weren’t good enough, so we have to go the extra mile now. I know I’m only contributing to the problem of ridiculous body standards, but it’s what keeps the lights on.”

It was true. Gay men never felt like they were done. We never found whatever we were searching for. More money, better looks, longer youths, more hookups. We were driven by our shortcomings.

“But I’m kind of used to it,” Madison said. “When I was a kid, my parents were broke. They spent everything on booze and cigarettes. They used to get wasted in the afternoon, so they weren’t even hungry by the time I had to go to bed.”

“Jesus,” I said.

He snort-chuckled. “It’s the reason I have this waistline.”

I couldn’t imagine Lily going to bed hungry. Even the thought of it filled me with unbearable guilt. “I’m really sorry, Madison.”

“The point is that it doesn’t bother me,” Madison said. “I’m never hungry. I just have to be careful what I eat, but it’s tempting.”

I didn’t offer him my pancakes again.

“So, Natural History, huh?” Madison asked.

I nodded. “It’s Lily’s favorite. She wouldn’t get bored if I took her there every day.”

“You think she might grow up to be a paleontologist?” Madison asked.

I laughed. “A paleontologist in space, more likely.”

He nodded, considering it as seriously as if the decision was his and immediate. “That will be a thriving field of study someday.”

Madison’s genuine interest in Lily caught me off guard. Most people nodded politely when I talked about my daughter, but Madison’s expression softened, his smile reaching his eyes like he was imagining her as clearly as I saw her every day. It was a small thing, but it made the ache in my chest grow. I wanted so badly for this to be real—for him to sit across from me like this a thousand more mornings, his interest in my life and my daughter’s not just polite but earnest.

“I hope so,” I said. “She’s smart enough for it. She remembers the names of every dinosaur and can tell you what they ate and how fast they ran. It’s kind of wild.”

Madison leaned on the table, chin resting in his palm as he looked at me. “She sounds amazing. You must be so proud.”

“I am,” I admitted. My voice softened. “But it’s not just me. Gran does so much for her. I wouldn’t have made it this far without her.”

Madison nodded slowly, his gaze steady, and I felt like he saw all of me—the good parts, the ones I didn’t show anyone, and the flaws I tried to hide. “You’re a good dad, Bradley. Better than most. Better than mine ever was.”

His words struck me harder than I expected. I looked away, unable to hold his gaze any longer. “I’m just doing what I have to do.”

“That’s what makes it so special,” Madison said, his voice soft but sure. “You don’t even realize how much you’re giving her, do you? You’re teaching her what love looks like. What stability feels like. That’s rare.”

I swallowed hard, not sure how to respond. The weight of his words pressed down on me, making my heart ache. “I don’t know. I just…try.”

“And you’re doing better than you think,” Madison said firmly.

The intensity in his voice made me look up. His expression was so open, so sincere, that I felt my chest tighten again. He was dangerous, this man. Dangerous because he made me feel seen in a way I hadn’t felt in years. Maybe ever. And I could feel myself wanting to reach for more, even though I knew I shouldn’t.

“You’re going to ruin my appetite with all these compliments,” I joked weakly, trying to deflect.

Madison laughed, his eyes sparkling as he sat back and picked at his salad. “Can’t have that. You’ve got pancakes to finish.”

I nodded, spearing a piece of pancake with my fork. The syrup was sweet, but the bite caught in my throat, stuck on the rising tide of feelings I couldn’t suppress. Madison deserved someone better. Someone who could walk into his world without fear or hesitation. Someone who didn’t have to think about how this would affect a little girl or an old woman who had already sacrificed too much.

But as he smiled at me across the table, I couldn’t stop myself from wondering. What if? What if, for a little while, I could let myself want this?

“Do you want to come to the museum with us?” I asked. I knew instantly what a terrible mistake that was. I knew I shouldn’t have put either of us in this position. But the words were out already, and they couldn’t be taken back.

Madison held a fork with salad on it halfway to his mouth and looked at me. Slowly, he lowered his fork, licked his lips, and blinked. “Are you sure?”

How was I supposed to say that I absolutely wasn’t sure? How was I supposed to say that every fiber of my being wanted him there despite my brain very loudly telling me it was a bad idea?

“I’ll understand if you don’t want to…”

“I want to,” I said. He was not unwelcome. And he was a good person, a decent person no matter the job he had, especially when so many bankers, lawyers, and real estate agents weren’t even close. The job was just that. It wasn’t part of this equation. “I’d love it if you met Lily.”

“I’d like to,” Madison said, the surprised expression still firmly on his face. He grinned a moment later, then hid his smile behind the salad.

And when all was said and done, I knew this was the best way to go.