Page 4 of Mad for Madison (The Boys of Hudson Burrow #4)

Bradley

Madison led the way to the elevator, leaving the ballroom like he’d suggested. When the doors closed, the music and chatter of the gala disappeared, leaving us in a bubble of silence, disrupted only by the hum of the elevator’s engine.

He’d gotten us a room, which sparked a flood of ideas that had no basis in anything real. All these salacious images that went through my head only made my face burn hotter, but they didn’t make any of it more likely. I was simply torturing myself with hope for something I wasn’t going to get.

Dane Pierce had been right. Madison had better opportunities. And if the topic of discussion truly was purely physical, then even Dane Pierce was a better fit. I’d seen their video. I could never stand a chance.

On the upside, I didn’t need to actually worry about that. We weren’t going to that room because Madison so desperately wanted me. I wouldn’t have to compete with a professional who had a whole lot more going for him, even if he was a terrible person who upset Madison.

“So?” I asked. “What’s the story with Dane?”

Madison shook his head regretfully. “I hoped you’d forget about him.”

“He bothers you,” I said. I won’t forget him .

“He’s a…confident man,” Madison said. The elevator reached the top floor, and the doors opened. Madison took the key card out of his pocket and led the way down the hall. “He doesn’t listen to directions or follow the script. I don’t know if you’ve seen his work, but he became popular six or seven years ago. I heard that it went into his head, and I believe it. He acts like he’s the only person on set who knows how anything should be done. And maybe it’s true. Maybe he does know what sells. He sure as hell made riches doing this. But it doesn’t give him the right to decide on everyone’s boundaries. He’ll promise to listen, he’ll tell you it’s gonna be fine, but when the day comes, he’ll start questioning the script and direction until you find yourself in this ridiculous position where you defend a good scene and feel like you’re lame for doing it.”

“Madison,” I whispered, putting my hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

Madison waved his hand dismissively. “We had a fling, too. I don’t know what I was thinking, but it somehow gave Dane the right to boss me around. And really, it’s my fault for letting him. I just didn’t want to refuse him too much at work and hear about it later.”

“He’s an asshole if you even suspected he might mix work and life,” I said.

“Suspected,” Madison muttered as we neared our door. He paused and turned to me. “I didn’t need to suspect it. He did it all the time. The guy doesn’t know the difference.”

I wanted to hug him, but I didn’t know if it was appropriate, not after all the talk of boundaries.

“Forget about him,” Madison said. “He doesn’t know how to respect your wishes, but he won’t bother me when you’re there.”

I nodded, looking into his eyes. “Then I’ll make sure I’m there.”

Madison swiped the card over the lock, and the door clicked open, then led us inside the incredibly cozy apartment. The apartment was a tasteful blend of elegance and modern comfort, perched high above the bustling streets of New York City. Soft, ambient lighting illuminated the space, highlighting a spacious open living area with a plush sectional couch and a low glass coffee table set against the backdrop of a floor-to-ceiling window. The view of the city’s iconic skyline, complete with the sparkling lights of Midtown, stretched endlessly, making the room feel like it hovered in the heart of the metropolis.

A kitchenette with sleek black countertops and a compact wine fridge sat neatly to one side, an inviting bottle of champagne waiting in a cooler on the counter. But what caught my eye was a single door leading to a single bedroom.

Madison walked in with casual grace, already making himself at home as he shrugged out of his jacket. I lingered by the door, trying not to get my hopes up. It shouldn’t have mattered—it wasn’t going to happen—but I’d spent all night entertaining ideas I had no business entertaining.

He turned to me with a small smile, oblivious to my disappointment. “Make yourself comfortable. You earned it tonight.”

I walked in, slowly moving toward the sectional in the living area. “This is…nice,” I said, my mouth dry and throat tight for no reason I could name.

When I sat down, Madison twirled away from me and walked over to the bar by the large windows. He didn’t seem to notice the view. He was focused on the bottles of alcohol on the small station.

“You come to these places a lot, huh?” I asked.

“Not at all,” he said.

“Really?” I couldn’t believe it. He looked so natural in this place. “Tailored suits? Expensive hotel rooms? Not at all?” I chuckled, although it had the forced quality that we both heard.

Madison looked at me over his shoulder while holding a bottle of nice whiskey. “I’m quite frugal. This is a special occasion.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I’d assumed that he partied and secretly lived a lavish lifestyle that I couldn’t even dream about.

He poured us each a glass of whiskey and brought them over to the coffee table before me. He offered me mine, but I shook my head.

“You didn’t need to get us an apartment,” I said. “I was happy to help and dip out when it was over.”

“I know you were,” Madison said, an innocent smile touching the corners of his full, defined lips. “That’s why I wanted to do something nice for you.”

There was no arguing with him. He would keep saying this one thing over and over, and I would keep telling him he shouldn’t have. It was so very much like me to repeat myself that way.

Luckily, Madison didn’t let the silence go on for too long. Not so luckily, he had a completely different vision for this evening. “I was thinking about the ways to show you how much I appreciate you coming with me. Dane’s a real thorn in my ass. I think you bought me months of peace from him.” He grinned. “I thought, if you want to have a night to treat yourself, this is a really good opportunity.” He took the key out of his pocket and put it on the table. “You have nowhere else to be. You can open Grindr and take your pick. Bring someone over here and just have a good time.”

I stared at Madison. “What? In a hotel full of people who think I’m your boyfriend?”

Madison laughed. “I’m not saying all porn actors are promiscuous, but if you end up with one of them, it won’t be the strangest thing that’s happened.”

I could tell my cheeks were red. I was too hot, and my mouth was completely dry. “I think I’ll have that drink,” I wheezed.

Madison chuckled. “You don’t need to be shy around me, Bradley.”

“I’m not,” I said, my voice rougher than I’d hoped. I snatched my whiskey and drank, then had to look at the contents of the glass because it was smoother than silk. “You just don’t get it.”

“I do,” Madison tried to assure me. “Really, I get it. First times can be hard, but I always thought it was better to get it over with.”

“I’m not…saving myself,” I said. “I’m not actually a virgin.”

“Half-virgin?” Madison teased. “It’s not the same thing.”

“It’s just that I don’t want to…with anyone,” I said, holding the glass in an iron grip.

Madison didn’t seem to understand. He shrugged and drained his whiskey. “Well, the room is yours. If you change your mind, you can do whatever you like.” He shot me a grin and turned to leave. “It’s a big city, Bradley. Anyone will be lucky to spend a night with you.”

As I watched his broad back sway, his irresistible figure escaping me, I put my glass down with a loud thud and leaped across the room in three long strides. “Hold on,” I said, my voice cracking with urgency.

I knew I was making a mistake. Every fiber in my being screamed in frustration that I should be so stupid. What the hell was I doing? But I knew, underneath the absurd hope and unattainable wants, that I couldn’t let him leave before I told him.

“Anyone?” I asked.

Madison was by the door already, one hand on the knob. He hesitated, not turning around. “Sure.”

“Because I don’t want just anyone,” I said, my mouth dry. I wished I’d carried the whiskey with me.

“Oh?” Madison let go of the knob and turned around on his heels. He looked straight into my eyes, and I saw a seed of understanding sprouting in his mind.

“Frankly, it’s annoying that you would suggest I should hook up with someone after…after the way we acted all evening.”

His eyebrows curved, brow creasing. In the smallest, faintest whisper, he said, “It was all for show.”

I swallowed hard. Now that it was here, the disappointment felt no different than all the dread that had built up in me over the days. “I know that.”

“Then you know we shouldn’t.”

I blinked. “Shouldn’t or can’t?”

“We’re friends,” Madison said with no conviction.

“Are we?” I asked, risking it all in my most destructive moment. I liked him as a friend, but I would forever look at him as something impossible. Was that the way to treat your friends?

“I make porn, Bradley,” he said, his voice tinged with darkness.

It provoked a crazed laugh from me. “And how does that make you different from everyone else in this hotel?”

“It makes me different from you,” he said, his voice growing more strained with each word he said, as if he exerted physical force over it.

“Not in my eyes,” I said.

His dark brown eyes widened, fire burning within them, and he dropped his gaze briefly as if to take my measure. “Are you sure about that? Sure that when we wake up, you won’t hate me for what I do?”

I never would have spoken so freely to anyone. Maybe it was all the booze that gave me the false courage, but I persisted. “It was your idea that I should have a dream night. This is my dream night.”

The muscles in his face tightened.

I took a step back, reading the answer from his face. “Unless you don’t want me. I wouldn’t want…”

“It’s not that,” Madison said quickly, interrupting me before I could make sure he understood. I wouldn’t have asked him to just be with me like it was an exchange of services. “You’re just so…normal.”

I snorted as I turned away from him. “Really? Boring, you mean.” I had nothing else to lose. I’d already embarrassed myself by asking, and the heat in my face told me it was visible to Madison. I’d squandered any chance of being friends with him, too. Why not wallow in self-pity and destroy whatever remained to us? “I understand.”

What I hadn’t expected was the way this would anger him. “Are you kidding?” he demanded. “I never said that, Bradley. You’re never boring to me.”

I shook my head, refusing to face him. “I’m sorry, Madison. I must have misunderstood. These suits, us getting to know each other, the party, and then the hotel room with just one bed… Forget I said anything.”

“No,” Madison said. “You’re putting all the wrong words into my mouth. When I say you’re normal, I mean that you have everything I can’t have.”

I pursed my lips for a few long heartbeats. “I thought you weren’t ashamed of what you did.”

“I’m not,” he said. “I got so much more than what I was given. I made it against all odds. But…” He let the silence linger between us for one long, unbearable moment. “I feel like I would taint you if we slept together.”

It provoked another snort from me. “You suggested hooking up with another actor.”

“Because they don’t know you,” Madison said in anger that was less restrained than before. It made me turn around to look at him. His eyes were ablaze, and the space between his eyebrows was wrinkled with a frown. “It wouldn’t have meant something to either one of you.”

My eyebrows lifted, eyes widening. “I…didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Madison said. “I made sure of that.”

My heart zigzagged like a rabbit running from a fierce predator. “You like me.” As if by instinct, I took a step closer to him.

The bluntness of my question made him stop. “I can’t like anyone.” He didn’t come any closer to me, but he didn’t pull away, either.

“But you do,” I said, seeing the facade crumble from his face. A much more vulnerable creature existed underneath the confident swagger, and it was this that I found beautiful.

“It goes wrong every time,” Madison said, anger gone from his voice and replaced by hopelessness. His chest lifted and fell as he breathed, his gaze locked onto my face, his lips so full and defined that I wanted to beg him to kiss me. Just one kiss to give me something to cherish when I returned to the real world.

“It won’t go wrong,” I told him. “We’ll make rules.”

He blinked slowly, looking down.

“Just once,” I offered, stepping closer. I didn’t know the person I was at that moment. “Just one night.” This man was a mystery to me, a confident, honest, attractive person. “No regrets and no promises.”

Madison looked into my eyes again. “Don’t think for a second that I haven’t wanted you since the first time I saw you,” he whispered.

I hadn’t had a clue. Part of me refused to believe it even now.

He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.

“If that’s true,” I said and licked my lips, “prove it.”

Madison made a single step forward, closing the distance between us, and grabbed the lapels of my jacket. His lips smashed against my mouth in a starved kiss that was as abrupt as it was needed. I was desperate for it, and I didn’t hide that.

He kissed me with the sort of needy passion that couldn’t be faked. The grip he had on my jacket trapped me against his body, but I wrapped my arms around his lower torso and held him close.

I decided in that instant not to think anymore. The time for thinking was behind us. It was also ahead. But it wasn’t now .

Instead of worrying if Madison was simply making my wishes come true out of a sense of gratitude or indebtedness, I shut my mind off. I kissed him back. The violent eruption of the volcanic fire between us slowly passed, and we kissed in a much better way. There was still the same neediness in the way we held one another, but the kisses were softer, more intimate, more exploratory.

We can’t fall in love , I told myself. You can’t fall in love . And as I decided not to, I surrendered to him. I kissed him slowly, parting my lips and letting his tongue enter my mouth. We explored each other, stumbling around the foyer until my back pressed against the wall with a thud, and a breath of air burst out of my mouth.

Madison smiled—I could feel him smile—against my mouth.

A shudder passed through me so swiftly and powerfully that Madison pulled his head back. “Are you alright?” he asked.

I couldn’t find the words. I only gazed up at him, my lips still parted, and my body heated like a fireball.

“Do you still want this?” he asked.

“I do,” I whispered. Perhaps it was the fact that I smiled as I said those two words that convinced Madison. I wasn’t lying. I wanted him more than I wanted my next breath of air. Yet I shivered whenever the reality tried to sink in.

It was impossible and unexpected and so incredibly unlikely that this would be happening. For years, I had watched Madison walk through my life, always in a hurry, always just passing by, and I had known that there went someone I had always wanted and never could have.

Yet here he was. All mine.

Madison relaxed his hold, pulling my jacket over my shoulders and letting it fall while keeping his hands on my biceps. All my insecurities flared as his hands moved along my arms. Would he like me when he saw more of me?

Again, I shut the doors to the fact that Madison could have anyone he wanted. He’d been with the sort of guys whose only job was to be fit and attractive. I couldn’t compare myself to them and survive it. So, I refused to think about it.

I kissed him harder as if trying to prove my worth. The silky softness of his lips made me lose myself in the feel of him. How could anyone be so perfect? How could anyone exist without a single flaw?

Thoughts seeped away as I moved my hands from his back to his front, feeling my way up his torso until I could slide the jacket off his shoulders. It fell off, and I worked my way through the buttons of his shirt.

It was slow and deliberate work. I wasn’t skilled in it, but Madison wasn’t an impatient lover. He only kissed me and inhaled the scent of me just like I did in return. He waited until all the buttons of his shirt were undone to do the same to me.

I let him undress me there in the foyer, my shirt opening and revealing inches upon inches of my body. And when he was done, he took a step back and shrugged his shirt off, giving me the space to do the same.

Some small part of me thought, This is it. He’s going to change his mind now. But as I let the shirt fall on the floor, Madison’s eager gaze moved all over me. He took another step back, making my heart drop, and extended his arm. “Let’s go to the bedroom.”

I took a moment to appreciate him in the light of the foyer. Every muscle of his torso was defined. His chest was broad and his waist narrow, his shoulders were rounded and set wide, and the muscles of his upper back curved sharply from his shoulders to his neck. His nipples were dark and large, pecs swollen, and smooth skin glistening.

I took his hand and let him lead me to our room.

If looking at me disappointed him, he didn’t show it. Instead, he moved with such haste that I believed his reaction completely. The way his pupils had dilated and the corners of his lips had ticked upward at the sight of me made me feel beautiful for the first time in years.

We rushed into the bedroom and slammed the door behind us. Madison spun around and kissed me again, pinning me against the door. The large, decorative lamps in the nightstands were on, bathing the room in their subdued yellow glow. Heat rose impossibly high when Madison leaned against me, his bare torso pressing against mine. Skin on skin, muscles on muscles, we melted into one another and used everything we had to feel each other’s bodies. My hands ran over his bare back as if I wanted to feel him before I lost my chance. My lips explored his lips and face, my tongue playfully clashing with his. I inhaled the strong, fresh scent of his cologne and made a permanent association between the sea breeze and Madison’s beauty in the depths of my mind.

When the ecstasy of feeling his heated body against mine was so overpowering that I couldn’t control myself any longer, I dragged my fingernails along his back, resisting the urge to scratch him any harder.