Page 28 of Loving Trent (Love in the Bootheel #5)

Don’t worry, I didn’t put you down as her father. I left it blank.

She is a month old now, and everything has worsened.

I don’t know what's wrong with me. What they did at the camp broke something essential inside me. I’m nothing but a failure.

It’s like there is a darkness that has a hold of me and refuses to let me go.

I look at Grace and know she is better off without a mother like me.

Everyone’s better off without me.

I know this is a goodbye letter, but it’s also a plea.

A plea from someone weak to someone stronger than me.

You did something to get out. You can do something about what those evil people did to us.

What they took from us… took from my daughter.

Please do something because they deserve to pay for what they did.

I know you’re only a teenager as well, but if anyone can bring them down, it’s you. Please don’t let them get away with it.

Please,

Nina Feely

Maria started to shake halfway through the letter. Her tears started soon after that. She folds the letter and brings it to her chest. “That poor girl. The pain… She…”

With my own throat tight, my eyes stinging, I wrap an arm around Maria and bring her into my chest. The day I received Nina’s letter, I broke down. I missed work, locked myself in my room, and sobbed like I had never cried before.

“I know, Maria. I know. After reading the letter, I looked up Nina. I found her obituary and then found the town where her parents lived. I decided to drive there and see them with my own eyes. I wasn’t expecting to find her father passed out in his front yard.

After helping him into the house, I waited for him to sober up.

The next morning, he told me that after Nina’s death, his wife died in a car accident and that Grace was being cared for by Nina’s maternal grandmother.

That was all her father would tell me because he thought I was Grace’s father.

I drove to Nina’s grandma’s house, where I showed her the letter and held her while she cried.

That was the first time I told someone else what happened to us besides you.

“Debra, let me meet Grace—who is now nine—and she showed me pictures of Nina. I don’t remember Nina from my time at Camp Arrow, and I feel bad about that.

She shared stories about Nina, and I felt like I got to know her through her grandma.

When I asked how the letter got sent to me, Debra confessed that she found the letter in Grace’s stuff when she took custody of her.

She never read it, but when Grace started to ask about her father, Debra thought it best to look me up and send me the letter.

She hired a private investigator to find me.

When I tried to pay her back the money she spent because I’m not Grace’s father, Debra told me to shut my mouth and that she was fine.

She couldn’t tell me much about the camp because she didn’t even know Nina’s parents had sent her away.

Turns out they lived in Springfield when Nina was sent to camp.

They had moved back to Texas when Nina found out she was pregnant.

The doctors said they believed Nina killed herself due to postpartum depression. Maria, she was only fifteen.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Maria asks, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing me tightly.

“Because I felt like such a failure. If I had spoken up and told Uncle Joey or the cops what happened, maybe she would still be alive.” Guilt digs its nasty fangs into my soul as if a snake striking its prey.

Nina said I saved the other kids, but I didn’t save a damn person because I’ve kept my mouth shut.

“You know that’s not how that works. You don’t need to carry the guilt of Nina’s death on your shoulders. You were just a child yourself, and might I remind you that you're not the only one who could have spoken up,” Maria says, smacking me on the back. “How does Harley fit in?”

“I’ve been tracking down leads about camps just like the one I was in over the last five months.

The first two were nothing but dead ends, but this last one wasn’t.

We had a solid lead in Ohio, so Sonny’s MC group and I went out there.

We went in the dead of the night, hoping to catch the people running it.

The only person left was Harley. Basically, the same thing that happened at Camp Arrow had happened there.

The kids woke up that morning to find all the adults gone, and then their parents showed up.

Unlike the other kids, Harley’s parents didn’t want her back.

So, we gave her a choice of what comes next. ”

“And?”

Pulling Maria back, I look into her eyes, sharpening my tone until it is clear to say don’t push me as I say, “And she chose to come with me. That’s all you need to know.”

Maria makes a sound of either surprise or apprehension. I’m not sure, and I don’t really care. Although it does cause me to throw up walls for the first time with her. “So… you’re what? Going to raise her?”

“Yes.” I don’t appreciate what she is hinting at, and I have no issues letting her know. “Why shouldn’t I? She feels safe with me because she is. I know what she went through, and I can help her work through it all.”

Maria lets me go and holds her hands up in front of her, but the gesture does nothing to calm me down. “I don’t mean anything bad, Trent. But that’s a lot of work taking on a teenager. Are you sure?—”

Hurt like I’ve never felt before shoots through me, and I can’t stand being close to her anymore.

I stand up and move off the steps onto the sidewalk.

“Don’t, Maria! Don’t ask me if I’m sure.

I don’t know why you can’t see that I’m committed to this, to that girl who has had everyone turn their back on her.

I won’t be another person who lets her down.

Yeah, it will be a lot of work, but I’m willing to put in that work.

This decision isn’t yours to make, and quite frankly, it isn’t something I want anyone’s opinion about either.

You can either support me like I’ve supported you, or you can fuck off. ”

Before I say anything else that might completely burn our friendship to the ground, I spin on my heels and walk off into the night.

If I stick around any longer, I’m going to say something I can’t take back.

Something that might hurt both of us. I’m not sure where I’m going, but it doesn’t matter.

I force myself to focus on the sound of the gravel crunching beneath my feet, the cold air stinging my face, and the quiet of the night.

Fuck anyone who tries to tell me I’m doing the wrong thing. How can protecting an innocent child be wrong? How is offering someone who has no family left a chance at a real family the bad thing to do?

I continue walking until the moment that my anger dies, and then I turn around to head back to Nana’s place.

Maria and I will eventually make up, but it won’t be tonight.

She only has two options: get on board with this or keep her mouth shut.

I don’t want to lose her, but I’m not changing my mind about keeping Harley.

By the looks of the trailer, someone is either waiting up or has left a light on for me.

I open the front door as quietly as possible.

The person sitting at the table with a cup of milk in front of her is who I suspected. Nana.

“Everything okay?”

“Not really, but it will be. You didn’t have to wait up for me,” I say while kicking off my boots.

Nana shrugs and takes a small sip. “I can’t sleep unless all my kids are home. I wasn’t the only person who stayed up.” She motions with her head toward the couch.

Harley is curled up under a throw blanket with her raven hair fanning out around her. She looks so much younger when she is fast asleep. “She stayed up?” That fact drills in the fact that nothing about what I’m doing is wrong.

“Sure did. She was worried about you. Come sit and tell me what’s bothering you.” Nana pushes out the chair beside her, and I move toward it.

“Some people in my life have suggested that maybe I’m not the best person for Harley.”

“Well, that was stupid of them. One look at the two of you, and it’s plain as day…

You are the only person that little girl wants to be her guardian.

I’ve learned that there will always be someone who disagrees with our decisions.

There will never come a day when we will make everyone happy, and that’s okay.

All that matters is what Harley wants,” Nana says, laying her hand on top of mine.

“I’m not giving up on her. I will continue to be here for her until she says she wants something different.

It’s not going to be easy, but I’m not going to make her list of people who let her down any longer by adding my name.

” Looking into Nana’s blue eyes, all I see is compassion, pride, and determination.

“I know you won’t, and that is admirable. Don’t you worry, I’ve got your back against anyone who thinks they have a say in your life. Trent, you really are an angel to her.”

“Thank you.”

She finishes her cup and stands up. “Now that you’re home, I’m going to go to bed.” She leans down and presses a kiss on my cheek. “Goodnight, sweetie.”

“Night, Nana.” Warmth that can only come from a mother’s love fills me and seeps into the cracks left behind by the abandonment from Eve.

I watch her until her bedroom door shuts. I take her glass into the kitchen, wash it, and place it in the drying rack. Then, I make my way back to the couch. Bending down, I slip my arms under Harley and lift her into my arms. She stirs and looks up at me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, Firecracker, I am. Let’s get you in bed.”

She snuggles against my chest and sighs. “Thank you, Trent. You’re like the dad I’ve always wanted.”

My throat clogs with emotions, but I push them down for the moment. After depositing her into the bed, I stand here for a second and look at her. “I’ll never leave you or let anyone hurt you again. I promise.” I don’t look at Maria asleep next to Harley because I’m still hurt by her.

Instead of going into the room I’ve been sleeping in, I head back to the couch for the night. As I lay in the dark, I start going over all I need to do. Until I hear the sound of a door opening and soft footsteps coming from the hallway.