Page 43 of Loving Amari

She’s been sleeping for hours. Whatever happened, it spooked her bad. I can feel the terror inside of her as she sleeps, and when Carla is broken, so am I. I can’t think, can’t focus on the security system, not when she’s struggling like this.

Oh no. Oh hell no. I need Carla to be happy. Even if that happiness means I need to be away from her.

Carla’s been a protector of Wintermoon since I first met her, and she’s embraced that role. Even when the people she’s protecting haven’t been the best to her.

Her eyes slowly open. I lose it. I flash into the bed with her, pulling her into my arms. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying, and her mouth looks dry.

“Goddamnit, Carla. I need you to talk to me.”

She opens her mouth to speak, but only a weak “Amari” comes out.

I hiss angrily at her. Her lips start to tremble and she starts crying again. Shit. I pull her close. “Shit, shit. I’m losing it.”

I start to rock her, panic rising in me. I can’t lose her. Not like this. I gently place her back down on the mattress, making sure her head rests against the pillow, then slide out of bed. I change out of my suit into pajamas, a shirt and sweatpants, then flash away with my vampire speed down to the kitchen, practically tearing it apart because I know I need to feed her and I don’t know what to feed her.

Bobby enters the kitchen, but he’s careful in his movements, not wanting to upset his sire.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not, Amari.”

I groan and turn to him with a glare.

“I make a mean grilled cheese. Let me do it.” Bobby flashes over to my side and puts a hand on my shoulder. “I’ve never seen you like this before.”

I look at him and a tear flashes in my eyes. “I’m going to lose her. I know it.”

Bobby gives me a smile, always cool, always collected. “I have faith in Mother Fate. This is nothing more than a test of your love. Don’t break, brother. Stand firm in what you believe in.” He squeezes my shoulder. “Right now, Carla needs a strong man, and that man is you.”

“I feel like I’m going to break. Like I need to give her approval to let me go. It’s the only way to stop Nathaniel.”

“No, it’s not. We have other options and we haven’t exhausted them yet.” Bobby guides me over to the island and pulls out a chair for me.

I sit down and wipe a tear from my face. “I have never seen her like this, so confused, so broken.”

Bobby starts the process of making grilled cheese. He pulls out artisan sourdough bread, aged white cheddar, gruyere, andIrish butter. He heats the cast iron skillet, takes his time buttering each slice, layers the cheese thick. The kitchen fills with the scent of melting cheese and toasted bread.

“Both of you are lost right now. Both of you are struggling with doing the right thing.” The spatula scrapes against the cast iron as he flips the sandwich. “I know you and the sacrifices you’ve made even when it was hard. It was hard for you to watch the horrors of chattel slavery from the shadows. You know what you did? You found a way to make it easier for us, the Black and Indigenous peoples. And look at you now? Giving up control of your corporation so that you can love Carla the way she deserves. You are the furthest man from selfish I know. You’ve even sacrificed time to build a technology center for the children who don’t understand it.”

“Why do I have to lose her?”

Bobby plates the sandwich and cuts it in half, then makes a glass of juice. “What if you don’t? What if it’s only temporary? One thing I know about you, Amari. You take a setback and turn it into a solution. You’ve done it many times and you’ll do it again, but this time for your family.”

I smile when he sets the plate in front of me. “That should hold her. I’ll make a pot roast or something while you take care of her.”

“Thank you.”

“Whatever, man. You’re my sire. And I’ve never seen you break like this. I’m tethered to you too, remember. I can feel your pain.”

I nod at that.

“I’ll finish up the research for the enclosure. Go take care of Carla. She needs you. I’ve got it.”

I grab the plate and glass, then stand from the chair. I walk out of the kitchen, thinking over Bobby’s words. I walk back up the stairs and make my way to the bedroom, finding Carla sittingup on the bed, nervously biting her lip. When I reach the bed, she snatches the plate out of my hand before I can offer it to her along with the juice, gulping the entire glass. Then she sets it down on the end table.

I climb into bed with her and watch her scarf down her sandwich. I’m studying her with every bite.

“Sorry for having that breakdown,” she mutters between chews without meeting my eyes.