Page 148 of Love to Loathe Him

He betrayed me. I betrayed him. There is no going back. It’s over. Finished. Kaput.

“Oh, Gem.” Lizzie pulls me in, her arms wrapping around me.

“When will it stop hurting?” I sob into her shoulder.

“I don’t know when, but I know it will, love,” she murmurs, rubbing my hair with soothing, familiar strokes.

Winnie meows from her perch on the dresser, her tone clearly saying,She’s bloody well at it again.

I know I need to pull myself together, but right now, all I want to do is curl up in a ball until my heart decides to start functioning normally again.

Ten days. That’s how long it’s been since I booked my trip to Costa Rica. Ten days of packing, planning, and trying not to have a complete mental breakdown every time I think about why I’m running away to the jungle in the first place.

Which means twenty days since I last saw Liam, all that anger etched on his face. Hopefully, soon, I’ll stop counting the days since I last saw him.

I’m all packed. Ready to go. I’ve got my Spanish guidebooks and translation books, and I’ve even done some crash-course classes in Spanish. I’m only confident about asking for the bathroom, but that’s a start. I’ve got all my clothes and everything I could possibly need for emergencies. Jaw exerciser, obviously.

I fly tomorrow evening. Tomorrow morning a courier is coming from Ashbury Thornton to get my company laptop.

And I feel like there’s something I need to do before I go. To give me closure. To put the final nail in the coffin of my Ashbury Thornton career and my disastrous not-quite-relationship with Liam.

They’ve probably already disabled my account, so I can’t log in. But it’s worth a shot.

I open my work laptop, enter my username and password with my heart hammering in my chest, and . . . shit, bingo, I’m in. Well, well, well. Looks like someone dropped the ball on the IT front.

That’s because HR handles the joiners and leavers process, and I’m not there doing it. I would never have let that slip.

I navigate to the folder I need, my heart lodged firmly in my throat, and create a new document titled: Gemma’s Goodbye.

Dear Diary, I type.

My therapist tasked me with writing down all the things that pissed me off, to get my feelings out on paper so I can let go.

And I am so, so ready to let go.

I made abig mistake. I fell in love with a guy who never existed. What I felt was real but the situation was far from it.

I lost myself over a guy who thought it was okay to lie to me. Who thought it was okay to sleep with other people when he was sleeping with me.

I gave him five years of hard work, and he couldn’t even respect me enough as a person to treat me with basic human decency. I get more respect from my cat, and she poops in a box I have to clean.

He betrayed me, and I was devastated. Because I felt like I was falling in love with him.

I betrayed him, and the only pain he felt was losing his precious deal. Which probably isn’t even lost, just stalled. Because let’s face it, no one listens to HR anyway.

Well, I’m not sorry. I did the right thing. I told the truth when it needed to be told.

He didn’t. He lied to me, over and over again.

And you know what? I’d rather be me, even though I’m the only one who seems to care. I can’t compartmentalize like him. I can feel love and hurt, unlike his cold, dead heart.

Speaking of Liam, I hope you’re reading this, you lying, cheating bastard. I trusted you, I cared for you, and you threw it all away like it meant nothing.

But that’s on you. I’m going to move on with my life. I’m going to Costa Rica for a very long time, where the men are . . . well, I don’t know what they’re like, but they must be better than you.

So, goodbye, Ashbury Thornton. Goodbye, Liam. I’d say it’s been a pleasure, but we both know that’s a lie. And unlike you, I don’t do lies.

Here’s to new beginnings, and to never seeing your handsome,lying face again.