Page 26 of Love Thy Enemy (The Vaughns #4)

T hat flicker of hope in Tessa’s heart—bright and sharp—burst into a bright ball of flames, and the heaviness in her limbs evaporated like the mist beneath the rays of the morning sun.

It took every ounce of restraint to remain in her chair.

Her fingers twitched with the urge to move, to do anything to match the sudden flare within her.

Even her breath felt altered, lighter and fuller, as if the very air had changed.

But the warmth surging through her wavered as hope collided with doubt, muddling her thoughts until they no longer held shape, and her fingers clasped her skirts, gripping tight as though to anchor herself.

Tessa had longed for this moment, but now that it had come, she didn’t know quite what to do with it.

“That may well be, but I cannot ignore my children’s wishes,” she said, though she had to cut out a piece of her heart to speak the words.

Mr. Vaughn stared at her for a long moment before his own gaze fell away, dropping to the journal as his jaw clenched. He remained thusly for several excruciating moments before meeting her eyes once more.

“Might we not sort out this business first?” he asked, tapping the book. “My foremost concern is the children, and I am no longer certain it is in their best interest to separate you.”

Once more, that hope expanded until it filled the whole of her and threatened to seize control, but just as it was unwise to allow her temper free rein, giving into even a joyful emotion could cause great harm.

Self-control was key, and though tamping one’s emotions entirely was damaging, surrendering to them was just as unwise.

Caution was best.

“I have questions, and I want honest answers,” he continued. “I give you my word that I will not rush to judgment, but I insist you do not prevaricate. I am not asking these questions to condemn you but to better understand the situation and what it might mean to the children.”

“I swear to speak truthfully,” said Tessa, her head bobbing fast as she nodded. “Ask me anything, and I will answer.”

Mr. Vaughn drew in a breath, his dark eyes boring into hers as he asked, “Did you break your marriage vows?”

The question struck like a church bell—sharp, booming, and impossible to ignore.

Given the history between her and Rodney, it was hardly unexpected, yet those blunt words knocked the breath from her lungs.

Tessa’s lips parted, but no sound emerged, and her body stilled as though the world itself had gone motionless.

Heat flared in her chest, pulsing up her neck, but still she said nothing, caught between the sting of indignation and the sobering gravity of the moment.

“I understand that you have heard much from Rodney’s perspective…” she began, the words rushing out before she stumbled. “No doubt it is shocking that… I struggled to…”

Pausing, Tessa drew in a breath. Honesty. No one could predict what the future held for her, but she knew without a doubt that nothing but the unvarnished truth would set things to rights.

“According to the letter of the law, no,” she said, forcing herself to hold Mr. Vaughn’s gaze. “But I broke the spirit of it. I opened my heart to other men, and had things continued as they were, I would have broken my vows fully.”

Tessa’s gaze grew unfocused, drifting away from Mr. Vaughn as her thoughts sifted through the past. Where to begin?

How to explain it all? Even though she had lived through the whole of it, she couldn’t believe how things had altered over the years, twisting what had been a happy beginning into something unrecognizable.

“My husband and I were a love match,” she said, a smile gracing her lips as she contemplated those early months when they had enjoyed spending every moment together.

“But all those similarities of thought and feeling that we had believed were the sign of a good match led to it becoming that dead and desiccated thing you knew. Like so many courting couples, we valued a similarity of opinions and interests, completely ignoring the fact that our sameness meant we bore the same flaws and shortcomings.”

Tessa couldn’t help the bitter chuckle that escaped.

“It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized that differences tempered with understanding and compassion make for stronger relationships than a sameness of opinions.

We were both short-tempered, quick to find fault, and slow to forgive—all of which led to the chasm in our marriage.

Every difficulty we faced only forced us further apart and added to the resentment brewing on both sides. ”

Straightening, she smoothed her skirts and forced herself to face Mr. Vaughn again.

“Like far too many ladies, my sense of self was contingent on my appearance, which altered greatly with each child I bore. And that pain grew as my husband’s attraction faded.

But other men flirted with me. Complimented me.

They thought me beautiful whilst my husband did his best to hide his apathy. ”

Tessa’s cheeks burned, but she refused to shy away.

“Now, I see that it was just a game to them, but at the time, it mattered not one jot. I thought myself disgusting and worthless, and garnering their attention allowed that pain to ease, though only as long as they were smiling at me. So I sought them out more and more.”

Mr. Vaughn said nothing. His expression gave no hint as to his thoughts as she confessed her sins, and Tessa refused to consider how his opinion of her was shifting with each one.

“I wish I could say it started innocently, but my broken heart knew what it was doing,” she said with a shake of her head.

“I set my feet on a path that led to ruin, justifying my shameful actions because my cold-hearted husband no longer loved me. I convinced myself that the true betrayals were Rodney’s doing, not mine. ”

They say the truth shall set you free. Tessa prayed it was true.

“Our separation happened before I crossed the line into true infidelity, and thankfully, it shocked me enough to draw me back from the edge, but I am ashamed of the way I conducted myself, and I do not blame Rodney for believing the worst of my behavior.”

*

Mrs. Stuart’s words didn’t shock him, not exactly.

They simply fit too well into the gaps left by Rodney’s narrative, giving weight to the half-formed theories that had taken shape in Gregory’s mind.

What had once been fleeting discomfort while reading his friend’s account now became something far heavier, anchored in his heart by the lady’s quiet, matter-of-fact admissions.

Simplicity had been easier. Cleaner. But now, every line of that journal felt suspect, and nothing about this situation could be called simple.

“But to answer your question in full: yes, I broke our marriage vows.” Mrs. Stuart’s dark eyes held his, shining with a sorrow too sincere to be cast aside.

“I did not share my bed with another, but that is the very least required of a marriage. Fidelity is not the only vow we make, and I did not remain true to my promise to love, honor, and cherish the man I had chosen to be my husband.”

With a shake of her head, Mrs. Stuart’s eyes fell away once more as she examined her hands in her lap.

“That was the trouble with our marriage, Mr. Vaughn. Neither of us held true to those vows. And rather than examine our own behavior, we fixated on the other’s.

For every action Rodney took against me, I returned it in spades, convinced that I was right to defend myself from the brute that was my husband.

Just as Rodney felt justified in retaliating against me.

And the ones who paid the most for our behavior were our children. ”

Brows raising, Mrs. Stuart paused for a long moment before rising to her feet, and with a voice tinged with worry, she murmured, “I shouldn’t be here.

I have already done enough damage to my children, and I have seen enough to know you are a fit guardian.

Forcing myself upon them would only serve my pride and damage them further. I cannot do it.”

“Peace, Mrs. Stuart,” said Gregory as he stood.

“No. For their good, I ought to leave things be. I shouldn’t have come in the first place. It was selfish of me, and I am done placing my own desires above what is best for my family. Rodney and I caused all this trouble because of our selfishness, and I will not repeat the mistakes of the past.”

With that, the lady moved to the door, shaking her head back and forth as though chastising herself, and Gregory found himself hurrying over to block the way.

“I shan’t lie and say I haven’t wanted this from the moment I discovered your identity,” he said, warding her off. “But your leaving doesn’t feel right.”

“You do not strike me as a man governed by his feelings, Mr. Vaughn.”

“Any man of sense knows there are times when one must embrace instincts, and mine are shouting that this is a mistake. I beg you to wait a moment.”

Leading her back to her seat, Gregory perched on the edge of the desk and crossed his arms as he considered the problem before him. “I cannot promise that remaining will be easy on you or the children, but they need their mother.”

“They despise me.” Mrs. Stuart’s voice was filled with abject sorrow, as though speaking those words ripped free a bit of her soul, and her chin trembled as she met Gregory’s gaze, pleading with him to deny it whilst expecting him to agree.

“They are hurting and confused, and unfortunately, Rodney has filled their heads with half-truths,” he said in a low voice, hoping his tone might soothe her troubled spirits as much as the words. “However, I do not think they would be so angry if they did not care very deeply.”

Mrs. Stuart looked away from him, her shoulders slumping.

“I am speaking from experience.” Gregory cleared his throat, attempting to find the words to explain the situation without wandering into territory that was best left alone—for all their sakes.

“I am not always comfortable around others, yet I enjoyed your company so very much during our journey to Thornsby. Only to discover you were the monster I had been warned about.”

Tilting his head to the side, he added, “Then our interactions cast doubts on the honor of the man whom I considered a brother, which pained me all the more. And rather than investigate, I badgered and berated you, hoping you would leave so I wouldn’t have to question my loyalty to your husband.

Unfortunately, confusion and fear can often emerge as anger. ”

Gregory sighed and shook his head. “Yet leaving will not save the children from those feelings. They will only fester. The best hope for them is if you remain and sort this out. Please. For their sake.”

*

Pressing her fingers to her mouth, Tessa willed herself to breathe, to think, to remain composed, but the swell of emotion rose faster than she could brace against it.

Each thought crashed into the next, too loud, too fast. She blinked hard, but her vision blurred, and her throat closed tight around the breath she tried to take.

Tessa clutched her skirts as though they might anchor her, but they didn’t.

Nothing could. She had spent years building herself into something strong and steady, and it was all undone in one conversation.

She covered her face, half hiding, half trying to gather herself, but it was no use. It was too much.

The tears broke free in great heaving sobs.

Then a hand rested on her shoulder, and Tessa forced her eyes open enough to see Mr. Vaughn through the haze of tears. He had moved to the seat beside her and was staring at her with wide eyes as though she were a lit cannon ready to fire, and the sight drew forth a frenzied chuckle from her lips.

“I apologize,” she managed between shuddering breaths. “I am a mess. I know it. But after so many years of being told I am unfit… To hear someone say… My own son calls me a jezebel, but you…”

It was no use. The words crumbled, leaving her a sniffling, hiccuping mess.

“Clark said that?” Mr. Vaughn’s tone was sharp, and Tessa took the handkerchief he offered, wiping at her cheeks.

“Do not be angry with him,” she managed as she made a proper mess of the linen. “He has always idolized his father, and he was only repeating—”

“Something his father ought never to have said to him in the first place,” said Mr. Vaughn, his tone even sharper. Letting out a sigh, the fellow added, “Clark will be the hardest to sway, and I do not know how we should go about this, but I do believe it is for their good, Mrs. Stuart.”

Tears threatened to redouble, but Tessa breathed deeply, forcing the air into her chest to loosen the tightening muscles. “My thanks, Mr. Vaughn.”

His brows rose at that.

“For putting their well-being first,” she explained, though she couldn’t keep the tears from wobbling her voice. “I am grateful they have someone who cares so deeply about them. Rodney chose well.”

Straightening, though his hand remained on her shoulder, Mr. Vaughn studied her for a long, quiet moment. His gaze possessed such strength that Tessa felt like she might wilt beneath it, so she steadied herself by cleaning the last of her tears from her eyes.

“After how I have treated you, I do not feel I deserve any thanks,” said Mr. Vaughn with brows pulled low.

Tessa dabbed at her face. “We all make mistakes. The important thing is whether you are willing to recognize it and set it to rights once you do.”

Giving that a nod, the gentleman gave her a half-smile. “Then I suppose it is time we discuss how to do so with your children.”