Page 46 of Love Medley (Med Wreck Romance #1)

Chapter thirty-five

Lucy

I n the morning, I hear a pinging sound coming from my laptop. I rub my eyes and move to the living area, flipping the top of my computer open. My mom is requesting a zoom call.

Sitting down heavily, I contemplate ignoring it. Because I’m feeling so distressed, the last thing I want to do is talk to my mom about all the ways I’ve let her down. But I guess I can’t evade her forever. Against my better judgment, I tap “accept.”

“Why did you take so long to answer?” my mom launches in immediately, her face looking pinched. I lower the volume on the computer so I don’t wake up Jake.

“I’m sorry,” I say, clenching my fists off screen. “I’m dealing with a lot. Weston ambushed me outside my apartment yesterday, and I’m thinking of getting a restraining order.”

“I don’t understand. I thought you agreed to work things out the last time we talked.”

Once again, I realize that while I might have a voice, my mom refuses to hear it.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I know you’re disappointed.” Good grief, I literally had to be threatened with bodily harm before going against my parents. How messed up is that?

“Weston’s perfect for you. I’m worried you’ll be single all your life and not give me any grandbabies.”

Why is my mom so obsessed with my being with Weston? Don’t my feelings matter at all? I feel myself shrinking back into the box of acceptable parameters that once felt so safe and now only feels stifling.

I’m just so desperate for her to truly listen to me. “I’m not getting back together with Weston. I’m dating someone new.” Oh God, why did I say that? I’m already super worried about Jake and me—we just have so many forces against us. Mentioning him to my mom may spell the end for us.

But then I know why I said it. I don’t want to keep our relationship in the dark anymore. Something has to change—I can’t remain in this limbo much longer. My heart won’t be able to take it.

“New? Who?” My mom sounds flabbergasted. If I weren’t so stressed out by everything, the irony of her question might be funny—she literally just suggested I was going to be a spinster.

“His name is Jake Whitlock, and he’s really wonderful.” Why does she refuse to listen to me? He makes me so happy . But I’m sure she hears the seed of desperation in my voice.

“What does this Jake do?” My mom sounds suspicious. Of course, this is the next question she asks.

“He’s a nurse at the hospital I work at.” I brace myself for impact.

“What?” she shrieks. “A nurse? A man as a nurse? At the same hospital? How will that look, a male nurse with a female doctor? That’s just so embarrassing. What will we tell people?”

It feels like an invisible hand is clenched around my heart.

Not only do I have a vicious ex still hanging around, but my parents also wish I were still with him.

And now I have a new boyfriend who doesn’t measure up to their standards.

While this wasn’t unexpected, I’m still gutted by my mom’s response to Jake.

Before I told her about him, I could still live in my fantasy world where Jake and I would end up together. Of course I knew better.

I’ve always known.

A dull throb pulses behind my eyes. “Mom, dating him is not a big deal. I'm having fun—it's just a way to pass the time. He’s incredibly talented—he sings and plays piano. ”

I cringe at my words. Why am I downplaying how I feel? Jake’s so much more than just some random guy I’m dating.

“So he intends to provide for you by singing?”

I bristle at her cutting comment. While my relationship with Jake is splintering before my eyes, that doesn’t mean I want other people to put down the man I care about.

“First of all, no one needs to provide for me. I can do that myself. Plus, we just started dating. Please don’t start naming our unborn children yet. ”

But the pressure in my head keeps mounting, and I desperately wish my mom would stop talking.

“Lucy, I’m so worried about you. Maybe you shouldn’t have gone to school so far away. I can’t deal with this on top of Peter.”

It always comes back to Peter. Anguish fills my heart. This is why I can’t make decisions—this is why I can never go against my parents’ wishes.

“I promise to help out more with Peter, okay? Just try not to worry so much.”

“As long as you're with that nurse, I’m going to worry.”

My head feels like it’s going to explode—this played out exactly like I knew it would. I want to claw out of my skin, escape myself and this devastating situation I find myself in. “Can we talk about this later?”

Sometimes my mom can act like a five-year-old. She looks sullen. “Fine, Lucy. But this conversation isn’t over.”

“Goodbye, Mom.”

“Bye.”

Heart racing and head pounding, I shut my laptop. All I want to do is float in a sensory deprivation tank for a few hours to clear my mind.

Instead, I hear a small noise and gasp when I see Jake standing there.

“Jake, you scared me,” I exclaim, my hand over my heart.

“Do you really think we aren’t a big deal?” Jake asks quietly, but the anguish in his voice hits me square in the chest all the same.

The stress that’s built up over the last time Jake was here, the confrontation with Weston, and then this conversation with my mom makes my head feel like it’s going to combust, and I feel so overwhelmed I want to scream. “I mean…we just got together.”

This isn’t how I feel, but the words just fly out of my mouth. I’m backpedalling, I know, but all I want to do is flee. I don’t want to have this conversation, not now, not ever.

“Lucy…this is more than just passing time to me. You mean everything…God, I’m an idiot. Your mom doesn’t approve, does she?”

“Maybe she just wants me to take a step back before starting a new relationship,” I manage to grit out.

Jake closes his eyes. “And what do you want?”

The tight band that has been squeezing my skull since the Zoom call is making it hard to think. I wish Jake would stop asking me questions I don’t want to answer.

These are things I hoped I’d never have to say. Because saying them out loud makes them real. “I don’t know , Jake. I think I always knew my parents wouldn’t want me to date you, and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to go against them.”

But I do know. I'm not.

And that’s why Jake’s last relationship failed, that irritating voice in my head reminds me.

If Sam were in my situation, I’m pretty sure that she would have just done whatever she could to mollify her parents. That was kind of the death knell of our relationship.

“It’s because I’m a nurse, isn’t it?” He’s not angry, just resigned, and that may be even worse.

I hate that Jake feels that way about himself. But I’m unable to tell him otherwise because yes, my parents hate that he’s a nurse. “That and because Weston was a surgeon. My parents were really impressed with him.” Why did I say that? Am I trying to push Jake away?

The truth hits me like a sledgehammer. That’s exactly what I’m doing.

His face crumples under the weight of my words, and I hate myself for making him look that way. “I really don’t want to lose you, Lucy.”

For some reason, Jake’s sweet plea is what unleashes the torrent of words I’ve been holding at bay.

“I’m not like you. I can’t go against my parents the way you have with yours; the last thing my parents need is to worry about who I’m dating.

Peter is a lot to handle, and I need to help out more.

After all, I’m the one responsible for him, and I haven’t been focused on him because of everything going on. ”

“Why do you think you’re responsible for your brother? I don’t understand!” Jake’s voice rises in confusion.

“Because I’m the reason he’s the way he is!” I yell, my temper finally snapping, all my frustration and rage and sorrow and disappointment boiling over at last.

Silence.

Then Jake asks, “What do you mean?”

Tears fill my eyes. “When I was fourteen and Peter was seventeen, I wanted to go to a concert. My parents had already said no, but they were gone on a trip and left Peter in charge. I thought my brother was the perfect solution to my dilemma—he could take me to the concert without my parents ever knowing I went against their wishes. I kept hounding him until he gave in.”

I pause, gulping, the memories inundating me.

“Peter must have had a few drinks during the concert to soothe his nerves. He was so anxious that my parents would call us or come home early. They’ve always been so hard on him.

We…got in a car crash.” My voice starts to shake.

“That was his first DUI. My parents never forgave him, even though it was my fault. And he’s spiraled out of control ever since—flunking out of school, constantly in and out of rehab. So yeah, I’m responsible.”

“Oh, Lucy, you were just a kid.” Jake reaches out to touch me, but I flinch and pull away. I ignore the hurt look on his face, resenting that he’s downplaying my obvious role in my brother’s ruined life.

“I’m not an idiot. I knew what it meant to drag my brother out to that concert. This is what happens when I go against their wishes. My parents get more stressed, and everything becomes worse. I can’t do that again.”

“But what do you want, Lucy? Do you believe I’m not good enough? If I’m holding you back, I’ll let you go, even if all I want to do is stay.”

“Don’t you get it? Haven’t you been listening? It doesn’t matter what I want!” I shout, the tether holding me together impossibly thin.

Jake’s voice is deathly quiet. “What are you saying, Lucy?”

Why does everyone want something from me?

Why won’t everyone just leave me alone? The irony is that I can't even drift anymore because there are too many people yanking me left and right in opposing directions. The pressure in my head is so fierce that I’m seeing stars.

And then all at once, my last vestige of calm snaps, and I’m a hurricane of grief and regret.

“I’m saying this relationship was a bad decision too, just like all my decisions are! We should have just stuck with the fake dating!”

In the stillness that follows, my heart splits in two.

“Maybe I should go,” Jake says, his face white.

“I think you should too,” I say, hardly believing these words are coming from me.

Then I watch in agonized silence as Jake collects his things.

When the door shuts behind him, I fall apart.