Page 42 of Love Medley (Med Wreck Romance #1)

Chapter thirty-two

Lucy

A fter that call with my mom, I’ve been finding excuses for why Jake and I won’t work out.

My parents’ disapproval is at the top of this list, because that’s an insurmountable obstacle.

But also—while Weston hasn’t been bothering me recently, part of me knows he’s not gone forever.

And even when he’s not physically around, I'm still getting over the trauma of being with him.

And Jake?

He deserves the world. Someone who isn’t holding back. Who's already whole.

A small voice inside me whispers that Jake couldn’t possibly want to stick around with all these barriers. Sooner or later, he’d get tired of my impulsive nature—the way it gets me into trouble, the way it could drag him down too. Eventually, he’d see it: I’m a liability.

I mean, everything else in my life started off just fine until I somehow screwed it up.

How will this be any different?

Sorrow pierces through me when I realize I’m starting to erect walls around myself to prepare for the inevitable heartbreak.

I’ve been reassembling myself from the ground up. What will happen if I lose him?

Will I lose myself again too?

How can I be with anyone when I can’t even be sure that my sense of self is solid enough to weather all of these storms?

I’m not Zoe with her core of confidence. I’m not Amelia with her calm rational logic. I’m not Isabelle with her unshakeable optimism.

I’m me.

And I’m a total disaster.

It takes everything in me to pack up these feelings and set them aside when Jake picks me up to hang out with his friends.

Apparently, the surprise outing Jake has set up for me and his friends is to this place called Kickin’ Karaoke.

As far as surprises go, I’m not sure this is a good one because I don’t sing in public, which Jake knows.

Has he not been listening after all ?

The knowledge that I was wrong about him—that maybe he doesn’t see me as clearly as I thought—slams into me harder than a tidal wave.

This just solidifies what I was worried about all along.

My mom was right. I’m not the best at thinking clearly when I make decisions. I jump before I look. And I keep doing it over and over. I never learn.

Isn’t that the definition of insanity? Repeating the same mistake and expecting a different result?

That’s me to a tee.

I thought Jake was different, so I took a leap of faith on him. I should have known better. But when have any of my decisions ever panned out? After Weston, I should’ve realized—I can’t trust myself.

Maybe it’s for the best—my mom would never approve of Jake anyway. Even though my heart twists painfully, I tell myself it’s better that I know this now.

Jake seems to know something’s going on, and he squeezes my hand as we enter the building. “It’ll be better than you think, I promise,” he says, but worry threads through his voice.

On stage, some woman is warbling off-key, swaying in front of a microphone, singing “All By Myself.” I wish she were all by herself somewhere else—my ears would thank her. I wince as she belts out a particularly brutal note. Would it be rude to cover my ears?

I hate this.

And after a beat, I realize the lyrics hit a little too close to home. Before Jake, I didn’t even know how emotionally cut off I was. And now that I've found him, the devastation of possibly losing him in the same breath knocks the wind out of me.

I inhale deeply, trying to hide my rising dread that everything is spiraling out of my control—again.

Jake’s friends meet us inside the karaoke bar and don't seem that excited to be here either.

I realize then I don't know much about his friends. Luke, with his signature backwards Blackwell cap, is the only one I recognize out of the three since I saw him at TNT. I’m aware of a handful of facts about Trix and Luke, and I'm pretty sure Ian's a pro tennis player, but that's about it.

I’ve been a bit fixated on Trix the moment Jake told me about her, partially because I’m intimidated by her and Jake’s long relationship.

She’s striking, slender but toned, with fierce glacial eyes and chin-length, white-blond hair.

We couldn’t be more different in looks and temperament.

Just by the way Trix carries herself, I can tell she’s confident in a way I’ve never been.

I bet she’d never get herself into a bad relationship with a jerk like Weston or hide away from the world.

“I’m not a singer,” complains Luke, snapping me out of my moody reverie. “This is why I’m a bar manager.”

“Shut up and get with the program,” says Jake, as he slaps the lip of Luke’s backwards cap downwards, revealing a bed of hat hair.

But even as he’s ribbing Luke, he shoots me a concerned glance.

“At least there’s a bar,” Ian says. He has typical all-American boy-next-door looks. I’m sure a lot of women find him attractive, but I don’t.

I think I’m done with blondes .

“There are way too many people here,” Trix comments, her arms folded against her chest. She’s wearing an androgynous outfit of a gray athletic tank and dark green cargo pants.

I’m in awe of how she pulls that off. Also, it’s easier to obsess about Trix than to contemplate my slow slide into chaos…

not to mention the horror of singing in public.

“Will you guys cut it out? I’m enforcing a ‘you must have fun’ policy,” Jake gripes.

I manage to laugh with the others.

“You all suck,” Jake says.

“Fine,” Luke says. “But you owe us big time.”

“I think I’ll be done with people for at least a year,” Trix agrees.

“Anyone want a beer?” Ian is already pushing towards the bar to the left of the stage.

“Goddammit, let’s just get a table,” Jake says, obviously frustrated with his friends.

I’m siding with his friends on this one, but the part of me that isn’t freaking out is finding his teasing banter with them endearing.

Trix, Luke, and I obediently follow Jake to a round table with five chairs.

“I’m going to help Ian with the drinks,” Jake says. “Do you want anything, Lucy?”

I’m definitely going to need a drink. Or two.

“A cosmo would be great,” I say.

Maybe having some alcohol in my system will help me relax…and forget my worries for at least a night.

“Whatever dark beer is on tap,” Luke says .

“A Boulevard for me, thanks,” Trix says, already scrolling on her phone.

“Please don’t abandon me to these fools,” Jake begs me. The plea seems rooted in more than just the surface playfulness. He knows something isn’t right. “I’ll be back soon.”

Since I met Jake—he’s been a constant source of strength and reassurance. But now he’s the source of the raging tempest inside of me.

Thankfully, the woman on the stage has finished butchering Eric Carmen, and a guy replaces her who sounds decent. And maybe I’m just relieved because she’s done singing… not because Jake’s gone. Right?

“How do you know Jake?” I ask Trix once I compose myself.

“High school,” she says, putting her phone to the side. “He was one of the only people I could stand.”

“And you?” I turn to Luke.

“College. I’m originally from Connecticut, but I went to Blackwell for college with Jake and then stuck around. Are you another Blackwell local or from elsewhere?”

“I’m from Texas,” I say. “A different world.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Luke nods. “So. What embarrassing info can we tell you about Jake before he returns?”

I’m beginning to really like this Luke guy. Even Trix looks interested by this turn in the conversation.

And this is the first time tonight that I feel the knot loosen inside of me .

“I want to know everything,” I say, a true smile spreading across my face.

By the time Jake returns with Ian and our drinks in tow, the three of us are laughing at yet another outrageous drunk Jake story.

Apparently, one time, he was so drunk after a party, he puked in the bushes next to the dorm, and it stank to high heaven for the entire week.

Another time, he passed out naked in the common area of his dorm, thinking it was his room, and had to hightail it to his room once he realized where he was.

The current story is about an intoxicated Jake howling Billy Joel’s “Piano Man” at the top of his lungs until several people yelled out their windows for him to shut up.

“Jesus,” Jake mutters, running a hand through his hair, but shooting me a tentatively hopeful smile at the same time.

I grin as I pat Jake on the back. “I’m loving these stories. Who knew you were such a lush in college?”

“Payback’s a bitch,” Luke says with a wicked smile.

“Just so you know, I signed you all up for karaoke, so who’s gonna have the last laugh?” Jake says, raising one eyebrow, as he settles his arm on the back of my seat.

Luke, Trix, and Ian groan as I tug at Jake’s sleeve frantically.

“Don’t worry, Luce,” he says, touching my cheek gently. “You’ll be singing with me.”

That doesn’t make me feel much better.

Luke, Trix, and Ian are forced to sing “One Way or Another” by Blondie. Jake and I snicker—I have to admit, the choice of song was priceless.

Jake certainly got them.

None of them are singers, and it shows. They mumble along with the lyrics, and finally, make it to the end.

As the trio returns, Luke mutters, “I’m definitely not drunk enough for this.”

“I’ll buy you a drink,” Trix says, “I could use another one myself.”

Ian shakes his head at Jake. “You’re never in charge of our outings from now on,” he says. “That was more embarrassing than double faulting on match point.”

Then, Jake and my name are called through the speakers.

“Good luck,” Ian says stoically as if we are comrades in a war.

Maybe we are.

“I’ll need it,” I sigh as I slowly get up on the stage with Jake.

Once I realize Jake’s selected “Summer Nights” from Grease , a blush heats up my cheeks.

While I hate standing up here, his choice of song is once again perfect.

It’s a duet about a boy and girl who meet and fall in love one summer, but who in a twist of fate, end up at the same school.

And once they're back in the real world, their love isn’t enough to keep them together.

Of course, they find their way back to each other by the end of the musical .

My hands are trembling. What in the world am I doing up here? I don’t sing in public! But the second Jake sings the first note, something inside me goes still.

Although the lyrics are scrolling down the screen in front of us, I know all the words, so my eyes never stray from his. Jake’s singing to me, and I’m singing to him, and the rest of the world falls away. Impossibly, it feels like just the two of us on this stage.

For a moment, I imagine a world where we could be free to be together, with no external forces pulling us apart. If it were just me and him, then everything would be okay.

But is our destiny to be just like Sandy and Danny? Where we’re separated because our feelings aren’t enough to overcome all of the obstacles blocking our way?

Despite myself, a desperate beam of hope pierces through my chest. I clutch to the idea that it's still possible for us to have our own happy ending to look forward to. Even with everything.

At the end of the song, there’s a large round of applause, bigger than any of the previous numbers. I’m startled out of my musical cocoon with Jake—who has a self-satisfied and content smile on his face, the direct contrast of my warring feelings.

It’s only then that I realize that I completely forgot about the audience once we started the duet.

And then I think…maybe Jake was listening after all.

As we take a bow, I whisper to him, “You… wanted to show me that I could sing in front of a crowd. ”

“Not just that, but do it well,” Jake says, pointing to the cheering audience. “They loved you, and rightly so. You have a beautiful voice.”

I tingle from head to toe at his praise. Jake did more than listen. He heard what I was saying between the lines.

How could I ever let go of this man?

But no matter how I feel, it doesn’t solve the problem of my parents. What if I could show them how good Jake is for me? How he supports me and encourages me to become the best version of myself?

Panic floods me at the thought of losing him.

Jake knows me better than I know myself. He sees me.

I can’t possibly give that up.

But why does it feel like I’m grasping at a dream that will just float away?