Page 36 of Love Legacy

Naomi

T oday was the day. Like the day . To say I was scared shitless would be an understatement.

I hate cursing, but spending so much time around Sage, her sailor mouth has rubbed off on me, and honestly, I can’t think of a more fitting word at the moment.

I’ve been so nauseous since I went to bed last night in anticipation of the conversation I knew I would have today.

I kept tossing and turning all night, the nerves and racing thoughts rendering me unable to sleep.

Going into today, I knew this conversation would go poorly.

My momma and daddy nearly disowned me for getting kicked out of High Valley University and then deciding not to return.

I can’t imagine telling them, “Hey, I’m staying in New York because I’ve fallen in love with my heavily-tattooed and pierced ‘roommate’ Sage,” is going to go over very well.

But I can’t continue to live a lie. I have to be true to myself, and the docile, submissive, pious woman they expect simply isn’t me.

I think part of why I struggled so much at High Valley is that I was trying too hard to be someone else and fit into that world.

Since coming to Pinebrook University, I’ve discovered so much about myself that I love.

Traits and attributes that I was taught from a young age to keep hidden and suppress.

Because a woman is supposed to be seen, not heard, because a woman should follow and let her husband lead.

I’m kind but unconditionally so. Not the contractual sort of love that I consistently witnessed within the church growing up.

I’m passionate and driven to lead a life I want to live. To carve out my own path rather than just do what’s expected of me.

I’ve learned I can be outspoken when I need to be. That I can stand up for myself and what’s right rather than biting my tongue time and time again.

I discovered that there’s beauty in diversity and individuality. Made friends with some of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met. Enjoyed new cultures and experiences that I, otherwise, probably never would have discovered had I not become part of this University, this sorority.

Regardless of what may happen with my parents, I know I have a couple dozen sisters backing me up. And realistically, my Grannie Mae will always have my back until she’s not here anymore. I just wish I didn’t have to choose between my family and a girl I’m falling in love with.

Figuring I can't keep delaying the inevitable, I get out of bed, readying to face the day. It is a few days after the new year begins, so my parents have invited me over to help them prepare for the Three Kings Day feast that the parish puts on every year. What better time to tell your parents that you’re gay than while you’re preparing food for sixty or so people?

I put on a pair of jeans and a simple T-shirt, pulling the sweatshirt Sage got me for Christmas over my head.

I’ve pretty much been living in this sweatshirt since I left New York, and thankfully, she gave me a little bit of her perfume to spray on it too, because considering how many times I’ve washed it since I’ve been in Georgia, there would be no perfume left lingering on it if I hadn’t been able to re-spray it.

Wearing the sweatshirt, while the weight does help with my anxiety, the familiar scent and the warmth are going to help me get through the day.

It’ll almost be like Sage was right there with her arms wrapped around me.

I make my way downstairs, pausing to say hi to my grandmother cooking in the kitchen. “Grannie Mae, can I talk to you for a second?”

I wanted to tell my grandmother about Sage first. I figured if she reacted poorly, there would be no point in telling my parents. And if she was supportive, then I wouldn’t have to explain when I’m calling her for a rescue later.

“Sure baby, come sit! I’m just finishing up my pie dough for the feast.”

“Your sweet potato pie?”

“You know it! Now, what did you want to talk to me about?” she asks as she finishes mixing the dough, putting it in a bowl in the fridge to sit until tomorrow when she’ll make the pies.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm some of the nerves building in my stomach. “Grannie Mae, I’m gay.”

She looks up at me as she begins peeling the sweet potato. “Oh, sweetie, I know.”

My brow furrows in confusion. “I don’t think you heard me right, Grannie Mae. I said I’m gay. As in, in a relationship with a woman.”

Grannie Mae sets the peeler down on the cutting board, putting her hands on her hips. “Now don’t you insult me. I may be getting older, but my hearing is still sharp as a whip. I heard what you said, and I said what I said, I know, baby.”

“But how could you?”

“Naomi, honey, the way you talk about that girl you’re friends with, Sage? It would be impossible not to tell how in love with her you are.”

I blush, a little bit embarrassed I was unconsciously that transparent about my feelings for Sage. “So you knew. And you’re okay with it?”

She sighs, wiping her hands on her apron before coming around the table to hug me. “Of course I’m okay with it. You’re my favorite grandbaby, and all I want is for you to be happy, Naomi.”

I laugh, wiping the tears that have formed in my eyes. “Grannie Mae, I’m your only grandbaby.”

“Still my favorite,” she says with a wink before returning to peeling her sweet potatoes. “Now if you’re planning to tell your parents, I can’t promise you that they’ll be as accepting as I am. But I think you already know that.”

I nod. “That’s why I told you first, for practice. Although, it didn’t really do me much good since you already knew, apparently.”

She laughs, nodding. “Yes, I already knew. Sorry about that, baby.”

“You were right, though. Sage and I are dating. We’ve been officially together for a little over a month now? I actually asked her to be my girlfriend right before Thanksgiving.”

She gives me a sweet smile. “Got any pictures with her? You talk so much about her, but I haven’t seen you two together.”

I grin, taking my phone out to show her my lock screen.

It was a photo that Sage and I had Theia take of us when we went on a double date with her and Sam.

The four of us had gone ice skating at Wollman Rink in Central Park.

Sam and I could barely stay upright while Sage and Theia were skating circles around us.

Turned out, she and Sage come out here all the time with their parents.

I had come off the rink to take a break and Sage came over to check on me.

The photo was of Sage holding me, her arms around my waist, while I rested my head on her shoulder.

We were all bundled up because it was freezing that day, but we were still grinning from ear to ear, faces flushed from the brisk cold.

It was one of our first official dates and I loved every moment.

“You two are cute as a button. She adores you, you can see it on her face,” Grannie Mae says, handing my phone back to me.

“She really does. Sage treats me like a queen. She got me this sweatshirt for Christmas. Even made sure to get one with a satin-lined hood to protect my hair.”

Grannie Mae turns her attention from the pot on the stove she was stirring to me. “You’re really serious about her, aren’t you?”

I nod. “I am. Or at least I think so. I want to see where things go between us. I think she could be my person.”

“So, does that mean you’re going to stay in New York after next year? And stay with Sage?”

Shrugging, I let out a small sigh. “We haven’t actually discussed that yet.

But I know we’re going to have to have that talk soon.

Sage graduates this year, so I’m not sure what her plans are for after graduation.

I think I will stay though, even if Sage decides to go off somewhere else.

I love New York, I love New York City. I’ve been able to grow and thrive so much, I can only imagine how much more I can grow once I’ve graduated. ”

“I’m happy for you, baby. But you know that means I’m going to miss you, right? New York’s just a little too cold for these old bones.”

“I know, Grannie Mae, but you could come visit me during the summer! And I can still come home to see you for Christmas. Even if my parents might not want to see me, I know you always will.”

“And don’t you forget that,” she adds with a wink. “Now, stop stalling and go over there. You might as well get it over with.”

I sigh, knowing that she is right. I can’t delay the inevitable. This conversation is going to happen sooner or later, and their response likely will not change the longer I drag this out. Better to just rip the Band-Aid off and come clean now.

“Don’t forget to grab your momma’s pie pans!” Grannie Mae calls after me as I exit the house.

Soon, I was sitting at the kitchen table with my momma, helping her grate cheese for her famous macaroni and cheese.

It was the easiest thing we could make when trying to feed as many people attending the Three Kings Day feast, but there’s a lot of prep involved, especially since my momma makes it from scratch.

My daddy normally helps too, but he was currently in his office, working on his sermon for the pre-feast service.

“Momma, I have something to tell you,” I say softly, focusing my eyes on the grater in front of me.

“Of course, baby, what did you want to talk to me about?” my mom asks, her soft voice slightly soothing my nerves.

“I’m gay, Momma. I’m in a lesbian relationship with that girl you met, Sage.”

Other than the sound of a block of cheese dropping on the table, the kitchen is eerily quiet as I wait for my mother’s response.

Silence.

“Momma? Can you say something?” I ask, finally looking up at her.

Immediately, I regret doing that. The look on her face is one that I’ll never forget.

The way her face was twisted up in horror, her lip curling with disgust. You would have thought that I just told her I killed someone rather than simply coming out as gay.