Page 95 of Love Deep

Riley has lost some of her spark since her father announced he was postponing his visit to see her. He’s dodged my calls and hasn’t responded to my texts. I hate it when she’s faced with the truth—that she’s not her father’s priority. It’s heartbreaking to see her be let down over and over.

I see her head among the kids coming out of camp togreet their parents, and then I hear her laugh. It’s so full of life, so clear and joyous, I can almost catch it with both hands.

She bounds toward me, grinning. “Mommy.” She turns to a girl beside her and whispers and then giggles. I can’t remember having seen this girl before.

Her mood is infectious and I can’t help but be lifted up by her. Today in the studio has been more difficult than usual. I never have to muster up creativity, but today, it felt like all my limbs were coated in tar and my brain was stuck.

Riley’s father.

Fisher.

It’s just too much swirling around in my head. Seeing my daughter so happy pushes everything else to the side.

“Hey, sweet girl. How was your day?”

“We had so much fun,” she says. “This is Emma. She’s my best friend now. We’re probably going to go to college together.”

I nod. “Good to know.”

“Can I come again tomorrow?” she says. “Emma is here all week. I know it’s a lot of money, but, Mommy, we made a fire. Tomorrow they’re learning how to fish.”

“I don’t know if they have a place,” I say, glancing around to see if I can spot the supervisor.

“Please, Mommy! I’m sure they have a place. They had one today.”

I don’t waste time telling her that’s not the way these things work. I just head over to the woman in charge and ask.

There’s a spare slot, and I put Riley’s name down. Another little girl I don’t recognize with beautiful dark brown eyes comes over to her and they talk excitedly abouthow they’re going to catch a huge fish tomorrow and how that will look great on college applications.

What’s the obsession with college? She’s got a minute before I become an empty nester.

When we get in the car, Riley straps herself in and announces, “Emma’s brother just went to college.”

“Ahh,” I say, things falling into place. I pull out of the parking lot and head back home.

“He’s in college in New York. So that’s where Emma and I are going.”

“New York, huh?” My stomach aches a little at her mention of the place where Fisher is right now. I thought I’d be over it by now. If I had any inkling that him leaving would hurt this bad, I’d never have had that first pool game with him.

I just have to give it time. The pain and longing is bound to fade. It has to.

“Yeah. NYU,” Riley says. “That stands for ‘New York University.’ You see, Mommy? NYU—New York University.”

“Super cool,” I say. “But you’ve never been to New York. It’s a big city. Maybe you won’t like it.”

“I’ve seen it on the TV. It looks very… all the women have really nice clothes and their hair is very pretty.”

And Fisher is surrounded by them all, every day.

“Yeah. And there’s lots of traffic and no lakes to fish in.”

“No lakes? Or mountains?”

“No, you have to drive a long way to find a lake or a mountain if you live in New York.”

I watch her in the rearview mirror. Her brow is furrowed. “That’s okay,” she says. “Star Falls will always be home. I can come back here if I wantto fish.”

I smile at her perfect solution. “Don’t you forget it. You gotta promise you’ll come back and visit me.”