Page 3 of Loosened Up for My Bud

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“What?” Stone says, all innocent. “It’s got a flared base. She said that’s important.”

“There’s no way that thing is fitting inside me.”

“Sure it will,” Lexi pipes up, looking at me with this mix of pity and amusement. “Just use a lot of lube. You’d be surprised what the human body can handle.”

Thanks for nothing, Lexi.

“Let’s get this one,” Stone says, pulling out his wallet. “And a bottle of your best lube. Something that won’t irritate the skin. He’s got sensitive skin, my Jay.”

“Dude, the fuck?” I manage to get out through my clenched teeth.

“I’m just looking out for you, buddy.”

We follow Lexi back to the register, and she starts ringing us up. Stone is bouncing on the balls of his feet, which looks ridiculous for a guy his size—six-five and built like a brick wall. He’s enjoying this way too much. I, on the other hand, feel like I’m being led to my execution.

“So,” Lexi says, popping her gum. “First time using one of these?”

“First and last,” I mutter.

“That’s what they all say,” she says with a wink. “Then they come back a month later looking for the next size up.”

She slides the lube across the counter. “Water-based is good. Doesn’t degrade the silicone. And you’ll wantthis.” She adds asmall spray bottle. “Toy cleaner. Very important. This one’s on the house.”

This girl must think I’m actually into this stuff. Like I’m going home to have the time of my life with my new purple friend, and I’ll be back next week for that baseball bat dildo. Well, joke’s on her. After tomorrow’s practice, this thing is going straight in the trash. Or maybe I’ll save it and give it to Stone for Christmas. A used buttplug. That would teach him.

“Alright, that’ll be sixty-eight fifty,” Lexi says, sliding the items into a discreet-looking bag. “Will that be cash or credit?”

“Credit,” Stone says, handing her his card.

Seventy bucks. For a piece of silicone and some lube. Stone could’ve bought a new pair of cleats for that. Or a week’s worth of groceries. Or a thousand other things he actually needs. Instead, he’s bought my dignity for the next twenty-four hours.

“Here you go,” Lexi says, handing Stone the receipt. “Have fun with your… vigorous physical activity.”

“Don’t you worry,” he says with a wink, taking the bag from her. “We will.”

3

The door is locked. The shower curtain is pulled shut. I’m standing in the tub, naked, cold tile under my feet. I just showered. Made sure everything was clean for... this. The plug stares at me from the ledge next to my shampoo. Its vibrant purple color seems to mock me.You thought you were a tough guy, hmm? Let’s see how tough you are with me inside you.

I’ve been staring at it for five minutes. Just… looking at it. Trying to psych myself up. I’ve faced down three-hundred-pound linemen who wanted to rip my head off. I’ve had my shoulder separated on a tackle and still managed to drag my ass back to the huddle. I can do this.

It’s just an object. A piece of silicone. It has no power over me.

“Is it in yet?” Stone’s voice cuts through the door. “We’re gonna be late for warm-ups.” He jiggles the doorknob. “You need some help in there, buddy? A guiding hand?”

“Dude, can you please give me a minute?”

“Just checking in on my investment,” he calls. “Don’t want you getting cold feet.”

Too late for that. My feet are frozen solid. I take a deep breath and grab the bottle of lube Lexi sold us. Water-based, for my sensitive skin. The label says “Silky Smooth” in a fancy cursive font, and it’s got a picture of a peach on it. Real masculine.

Squirting a generous amount onto my fingers, I steel myself. I can do this. I am Jay, for fuck’s sake. I don’t back down. This is just another stupid thing in a long line of stupid things.

I reach behind me, my slick fingers finding the tight knot of muscle that is my asshole. This is fine. I do this all the time. Okay, maybe not this exactly, but cleaning back there in the shower is nothing new. The only difference is that I usually do it quickly and efficiently, and it doesn’t require this level of concentration.

Closing my eyes, I try to breach the tight ring. It clenches shut immediately.Shit.Okay. Relax. I try again, focusing on breathing evenly as I press against the resistance.There.The tip of my finger slips inside, helped by the slickness. It feels… strangely soft inside. It doesn’t hurt, exactly, but it’s not a great feeling either.