Page 2 of Loosened Up for My Bud

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. What are the rules?”

“Rules are simple,” he says, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “One: the plug stays in for the entire practice. If it comes out for any reason, you lose. Two: I have to approve the plug beforehand, so you’re not cheating with a tiny one. And three,” he says, pausing for dramatic effect, “I check before and after practice to confirm it’s in there.”

“You’re not touching my ass, dude.”

“Calm your tits, man, I’m not gonna stick my fingers in your ass. Just a quick look. From a respectful distance.”

I’m not sure “respectful distance” and “a quick look at my asshole” belong in the same sentence, but I’m already in too deep to back out now. We shake on it, the deal sealed with the grimy grip of two idiots with too much testosterone and not enough common sense.

And as we head out to grab some burgers, a grim realization dawns on me:

Tomorrow, I’m going to practice with a buttplug in my ass.

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

2

“Ican’t believe we’re doing this,” I mutter as Stone parallel parks his beat-up Jeep across from a storefront with blacked-out windows and a neon sign that says “Adults Only” in hot pink letters.

“You can still back out,” Stone says cheerfully, killing the engine. “Just say the words, and you’re free to do your own stinky laundry and sit on your shitty chair for the rest of your college days.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you too, buddy.” He grins. “Come on, let’s go get you a little something special.”

The bell above the door jingles, a tinny, cheerful sound completely at odds with the dim, grim reality of the store. The air inside smells like stale plastic and cheap cherry lube. A girl with pink hair and more piercings than I can count glances up from her phone, bored, as we step inside. Her name tag says “Lexi.”

“Can I help you?” she drones, popping a bubble with her gum.

“Yeah,” Stone says, completely unfazed by the wall of dildos behind her. “We’re looking for a buttplug.”

Lexi’s face stays perfectly blank. I’m sure she’s seen it all in here.

“Any particular kind?”

“Something for a beginner,” Stone says, clapping a hand on my shoulder. I flinch away like I’ve been electrocuted. “And it needs to stay in during vigorous physical activity.”

Her lips twitch into a smirk. “Vigorous physical activity, huh?” she says, her eyes flicking between us. “Got it.”

She leads us down an aisle that seems to stretch on forever, shelves lined with things in shapes and colors that absolutely do not exist in nature. My face is on fire. I’m a six-foot-two, two-hundred-pound linebacker. I’ve faced down guys twice my size on the field without breaking a sweat. But this… this is a whole different kind of terror.

“Okay,” Lexi says, stopping in front of a display. “Here are the beginners. I’d recommend something silicone, non-porous, easy to clean. And one with a flared base, so it doesn’t get, you know… lost.” She winks at me. I think my soul just left my body.

“Hmm,” Stone says, tapping a thoughtful finger against his chin. “Too small.” He points to a delicate pastel pink thing the size of my thumb. “This is more like a toothpick. He’s a big boy. He can handle more.”

Lexi’s eyes flick down to the bulge in Stone’s sweats, and I’m sure she thinks we fuck each other on the regular.

Stone points to a dildo the size of a baseball bat. “Do people actually use these?”

“Some people like to work their way up to that, yes,” Lexi says dryly.

“Work their way up,” Stone repeats, turning to me with this gleeful look. “You hear that, Jay? It’s a journey.”

“Can we please just pick something?”

He laughs and turns back to the display. “Okay, okay, no need to get your panties in a twist. Let me see… Oh, I like this one. What do you think, Lexi? Will this do the job?”

She plucks a purple plug off the rack and hands it to Stone. It’s shaped like a teardrop, at least three inches long and fairly thick. My asshole clenches involuntarily.