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forty-one

I really thought I’d died.

For real—I thought one of those huge rocks had fallen on my face, and then I’d proceeded to imagine Rune grabbing me, carrying me, telling me to hold on.

I thought I’d died, but I was very much alive and lying on my back on something hard.

Lips on mine. A hand on my jaw holding my mouth open. Air forced itself down my throat and into my lungs, expanding them. Making them work again because they’d given up, too.

My heart hadn’t, though. It beat so hard it was shaking me, and then I was breathing on my own, and I had hands on my face.

“You’re okay,” said Rune, and his voice had a way of bringing me to life.

My eyes struggled to open while my mind tried to shut down again, but I had to see that he was okay first. I had to see if this little warmth I felt on my face was really the sun.

It was.

My eyes opened. No more moss and glowing plants and fish. No more rocks trapping us in, but a deep blue sky that merged into a gorgeous purple and orange at the edges like it sometimes did during sunsets.

“There you are,” Rune whispered, his face looming over mine, his hands pushing my hair away from my face.

“Are we…” dead, I was going to say because that still made the most sense, no matter what my eyes were telling me.

“We’re okay,” Rune told me, and he was smiling. The sun was at his back, so I was having trouble seeing all of him, but I saw the blue of his eyes, and I always saw his smile. “We’re okay, Wildcat. We’re just fine.”

I wanted to smile, too. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and kiss him and ask him if he was hurt, but that was more energy than my body could spare for the moment, it seemed.

I passed out again, and this time, my mind was calm.

We were okay.

* * *

A little bird made out of light flew right over me. My eyes were closed but I still saw it—or maybe the more accurate description would be that I felt it. I knew it was there, even if it was soundless. Just a glowing light in the shape of a bird that had become a good friend of mine.

I pushed my eyes to open, curious to see it, not just feel it. And it was there all right, flying over my face in slow circles, beyond it the sky dark and full of stars that paled in comparison.

So beautiful, that little bird, with tiny black beads for eyes and feathery wings that moved so gracefully. I reached out my hand to touch it, even though I knew I couldn’t, that it wasn’t concrete, that my finger would slip right through it. And it did, but I also felt the heat in its little body against my skin.

“How are you feeling?”

Rune was lying beside me, which made sense, because my body was lying on something hard, but not my head.

My head was on his shoulder and the heat of his body was what had probably kept me alive.

“Like I just escaped death for…how many times in how many days now?” My voice was dry, but it was voice and it worked.

Rune smiled—I felt that, too, heard it in the way he released his breath, then turned to the side and pulled me so we were face to face. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. He had blood on his cheeks and probably on his clothes, too, but his eyes were alive. The deepest, most beautiful blue my eyes would ever see.

I reached out my hand to touch his cheek, trail his lips, the bridge of his nose.

Suddenly I found myself a different person from who I had been when Helid took me through the Aetherway. And it was all because of this man.

“You saved our lives,” Rune whispered, kissing the tip of my fingers as they touched his lips.

“You saved our lives, too. You have swords hidden in shadows,” I said, maybe because I was curious about it or maybe because I wasn’t yet ready to talk about that cavern.

Just for a little longer…

“I do,” Rune said, smiling a little.

“I never knew you had swords.”

“I’m a sword maker. I have a lot of swords, Wildcat,” Rune said. “I just couldn’t carry them on my person on this trip because someone might have guessed who I am.”

Who he was. The bastard son of a ruthless king who’d banished him and sent him to die at the age of six.

“It was wicked cool, not going to lie,” I said, my heart squeezing at the memory of his six-year-old self that wasn’t my memory at all—just my imagination.

“I hid something else in the shadows, too,” he whispered. “Do you want to see?”

Fuck, yes, I wanted to see. “Show me,” I demanded.

He let go of me for just a second and raised his hand right over us. The bird made of light flew a little to the side to give him space, and then a small bundle of shadows appeared just as the palm of his hand lit up.

“Whoa…” I breathed because I felt the cold radiating from it.

“It’s what Midnight fae call a shadow pocket. A very well-made illusion that takes a lot of energy, but it’s worth it,” he explained as he pushed his hand right into the ball of shadows, and then took it out again to show me…

“A book.” My mind went blank for a second. A book?

The shadows disappeared, and the little bird flew closer again. Rune brought the book closer and showed me— Tales of the Wild and the Brave said the cover, and in it was a drawing of creatures in a woods, small and big, some with horns, and some with two heads, and some with wings on their backs.

“A book. I got it at a bookstore in the maze market.”

My mouth opened and closed a million times as I touched the cover. It was small but thick, and it looked well read, too.

“But…but you didn’t let me stop.” I’d wanted to buy a book at that market, and he hadn’t let me stop!

“I know—and I regretted it, so I got this in another bookstore later, while you met with the vampire and the Twinborn.”

A million butterflies were in my stomach. Tears pricked the back of my eyes, too. I turned to him, touched his cheek, smiling so big my cheeks hurt.

“Thank you,” I whispered and kissed his lips.

“I’ll get you more. A lot more. But I’ll warn you, though. Verenthians tell some really disturbing tales.”

I laughed and the sound echoed in the night. “I still want to read them.”

“Then you will,” he said, offering me the book, and it smelled exactly like the books from back home. I opened it, skimmed through just a few pages. It was written in English, and it was full of drawings, the stories just a few pages long. I couldn’t wait to start on them already.

“These are some of my favorites my mom used to read to me when I was a kid,” Rune said, and my heart squeezed.

“Is your mom…” I couldn’t even say it.

“She died when I was five,” Rune said. “Poison.”

I shook my head. “But you said you know poisons.”

“She was tricked. Killed by another maid.”

“Oh, my God, Rune…”

“It’s fine. I’ve made my peace with it.”

Except I knew that that made no difference whatsoever. “What happened to the maid?”

“She was charged with murder. Was executed the next day.”

So much went through my mind the next second. Fuck, I couldn’t believe how ruthless the fae were.

“I’m sorry, Rune,” I whispered. If I could take that pain reflected in his eyes for myself, I would in a heartbeat. I’d carry all of it for the rest of eternity so he didn’t have to.

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago,” he said, but that meant nothing, either. I’d lost my mom, too. Time didn’t make anything okay. Not for this.

I blinked fast to get rid of the tears pricking my eyes. I didn’t want to cry, not now.

“Will you save this book for me?” I said instead because to my idiot mind that was a way to guarantee that I’d see him again when I was done healing the prince. Because I was not going anywhere without my book, and if Rune had it, I’d have to see him to get it.

“I’ll guard it with my life,” he whispered, and his hand glowed again before that little ball of darkness appeared, and he simply put the book inside it, like it really was a fucking pocket.

“That is really, really cool, Mr. Moody,” I said, and my eyes were still teared up, my heart still breaking for what he had to go through, but I was also smiling.

The shadow pocket disappeared, and Rune said, “Not as cool as you using Seelie magic right in front of my eyes.”

I swallowed hard, my muscles locked tightly, and Rune pulled me closer to himself. We were lying on rocks and right now I had no idea where we were, just that we were safe if he wasn’t freaking out or telling me we needed to leave. It was enough.

“Wildcat,” Rune whispered, bringing his fingers to my cheek. “Since when?”

Taking in a deep breath, I forced myself to look up at him. This was going to suck, no doubt about it, but I also knew that it was time to come clean.

“Since the prince healed me, I think,” I said, my voice barely a whisper. “I, um…sometimes I lost control back home and I could make the things in my room float in the air until I calmed down—but that’s it.”

Silence.

My heart beat like a drum.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Rune asked.

“I wanted to, Rune, but I couldn’t. I promised myself that I would never say those words to anyone ever again because…well, because chances were it wasn’t even real.”

God, I must have sounded like a lunatic to him right now, but I was too vulnerable to even think about picking my words.

“Why not? Why wouldn’t you say those words again—why?”

Another deep breath to calm my chaotic thoughts. As much as I wanted to run away right now, I was going to lie here and tell him everything, both because Rune deserved to know, and because I needed to get it all off my chest for once. Tell someone who would believe me. Who’d seen me with his own eyes—but who would have believed me, I realized now, even if he hadn’t.

And he’d have never needed proof.

“I did it for the first time when my mother died, and I…well, I told people about it. I told everyone, and then, um…then they asked me t-t-to show them.” Why in the hell were so many tears coming to me so quickly all of a sudden?

Rune pulled me to his chest, squeezed me hard, but I wasn’t going to let myself stop now. “So, I tried to do it—I tried, I swear it. I just…I-I-I couldn’t.” The laughs, the words, their fingers pointed at me— fuck, since when did all of that still hurt ?

I’d gotten over it, damn it! I was so over all that bullshit.

Rune kissed the top of my head and held me to him, my cheek pressed to his chest so I heard how hard his heart was beating. How fast. How he was right there with me, wherever I was, in this fucked up state.

I wasn’t alone.

“And then people just…people did what people do. And I could never show anyone. It only happened after the nightmares when I woke up in the middle of the night, screaming.” Like I had that day at the guesthaven.

Like I hadn’t anymore since.

Which was a little odd, I thought, because I’d had more traumatic experiences here than in the rest of my life, yet I’d slept soundly. Because I’d slept with Rune.

“I didn’t…I didn’t know that it was real until here. I thought I-I-I just made it all up.” I hated that I was stuttering, but so far I hadn’t started sobbing so I would take that as a win.

Rune kissed my forehead and kept his lips there for a long time as he held me. And my mind wasn’t as chaotic as I thought it would be by now at all.

I’d seen mermaids. I’d done the levitating thing on purpose. Yes, the memories were all vivid, but I was here still, wasn’t I? I’d survived all of that.

“So, you could never do it when you tried before?” Rune eventually asked as the slow wind picked up against my back, and the little bird continued to fly steadily despite it.

“Never. I tried for three hours straight once to show Betty.” She was possibly the only person after Mom who actually believed me, even though she never saw it.

“But you did it in the cavern,” Rune said in wonder.

“Well, I wasn’t going to let you die.” I closed my eyes, the feeling still there, that all-consuming fear that had gripped me by the throat when I realized that place might actually be it for him. “I think I did it in the forest, too. At the Enclave, when you threw me away. I think my hands lit up, but then Raja came and took over.”

“Good, good,” Rune said, raising his head to look at me. “It’s important that nobody knows about this until the prince is awake, Wildcat. Do you understand? No matter what happens, nobody finds out about it, okay?”

He actually looked afraid.

“It’s fine, Rune. I’m not going to tell anyone.”

“And if word gets out from the mermaids, you deny it. You say that I did it, that it was all illusion magic.”

I shook my head. “Why, though? I doubt anybody here is going to care about me making things float on air—everybody’s full of magic around here.”

“You pulled the mermaids out of water, Wildcat,” Rune whispered. “You pulled me out of the water. A lot of fish, too.”

“What? No, I didn’t. I-I-I…” The memory of that mermaid floating in the air while the others tried to pull her down underneath the surface took over my mind instantly.

Holy fuck…

“That was raw fae magic, undiluted, unfocused.”

“Wait, wait—what does that mean exactly?” I leaned back a bit to see him better. “What does that mean, Rune?”

“It means that was a lot of very powerful magic,” he said, and the way he was looking at me just now made my heart pound. Like he was suspicious.

“But you don’t know that. I just make things rise in the air—that’s nothing compared to your shadows!”

“No, Wildcat. That was far more than my shadows. You turned the tempest crystals red. The most intense color I’d ever seen them become is a bright pink when they’re activated—never red.”

Red.

The red pool. All those dead fish just popping up on the surface.

Double fuck.

“But…but what does that mean? What’s wrong with me?”

His hand was on my face. “Nothing’s wrong with you, Nilah. Not a single hair in your head is wrong. You’re as right as right gets, and this only means that whatever Lyall did when he healed you that day, it transferred magic to you as well. Somehow, he must have given you a part of his or something, and it doesn’t have to be anything bad . It doesn’t have to.”

His eyes closed and his teeth clenched, and my stomach fell.

“But?” Because it sounded a lot like there was a but at the end there.

“But mortals normally can’t handle fae magic. I’ve never heard of it, at least—which doesn’t really mean much. I don’t know a whole lot about fae affairs with mortals, but Lyall does. That’s why it’s important you don’t speak about this with anyone other than him—and only when you’re all alone. Do you understand? Only when you’re alone so nobody else hears.”

He was scaring me shitless. “But why? What would they do to me?”

He gripped my face in his hands. “Nobody else hears except the prince. Promise me.”

“I-I promise,” I whispered because it sounded to me like I didn’t even want to know what would happen if someone else found out.

And nobody would. I’d kept this a secret all this time, and I would continue to do so. Never mind that now I felt filthy all of a sudden, to understand that I shouldn’t have been able to do this at all. Never mind that I felt less of a person now because I had no idea what I was, no idea what this light in my hands and this warmth that spread over me made me.

“Good girl,” Rune said and kissed my lips. “You’re going to be okay, Wildcat. We’re almost there.”

I closed my eyes and lingered on his lips for another moment just to get the energy and the courage I needed to move on. To move past this. To not want to dwell on it forever until I drove myself insane.

“Where are we?” I finally asked.

Rune slowly pushed my hair behind my head and analyzed every inch of me as the bird flew closer to give him more light. It was painful the way he looked at me now. It fucking broke my heart, and I didn’t even know why.

“We’re atop the Mercove, very close to the Seelie border. I’m going to carry you down the rocks, and we should get there in less than an hour.”

“Rune,” I whispered, touching his face with my fingertips again. “What happens after?” The words hurt on the way out. It felt like they took a part of my soul with them.

He was silent for a long time.

“I don’t know.”

The tears came at me again, relentless. It shouldn’t be this fucking hard to talk about this, should it?

“Am I ever going to see you again?” I whispered with barely any voice.

“You will.” He brought his lips close to mine. “But you need to see the prince first. You need to talk to him.”

“Rune, I don’t c?—”

“No, Wildcat. I will accept no words, no promises—not now.”

“Why not?”

“Because it wouldn’t be fair to you,” he said, and I laughed. Bitterly, but I laughed.

“What do you think—that I’ll see a fae prince and I’ll fall head over heels in love with him and forget everything that ever happened before that moment?” Because he seriously was delusional if he did.

Rune forced himself to smile. “You’ll be all right, Wildcat. Whatever happens after, you will be okay.”

That was definitely not the answer I was looking for, but when I put aside the impatience and the desperation, I realized he was right. I had no idea what the hell was happening here, and the prince still needed my help. Once he woke up, I could talk to him, and he could give me answers.

And maybe Rune was afraid that he’d want me or that I’d want him—which, honestly, was just ridiculous—but I had faith that the prince would help me find a solution to this whole mess. He’d help me understand our bond and this fae magic thing I wasn’t supposed to have, and I was sure he’d help me find a way that was… less heartbreaking than just leaving Rune here and saying goodbye forever.

I had faith.

“So will you, Mr. Moody,” I said and kissed his lips one more time.

He held us there, didn’t let us move for a long time, to capture the moment with our minds forever. The wind blowing, the rhythm of our hearts, the light of that bird that flew restlessly over us, the warmth and softness of each other’s lips.

Eventually, he stood and pulled me to my feet. Eventually, he stepped behind me and let me look around at where we were, and my breath caught in my throat all over again.

“This is the Mercove,” he said, pointing ahead beyond the large piece of rock we were on, at the sea full of glowing water below it. Rocks came out of the surface everywhere, some as high as the one we stood on, but none as wide. The water itself wasn’t glowing—just the fish swimming in it. And the sea went on forever. In the dark, I couldn’t see the end of it at all. “The dragon mountains are beyond, at the edge of Verenthia,” Rune continued. “Bloomsridge is to the left, and here, to the right…” Slowly, he turned me with his hands on my shoulders. “That’s the Seelie Court.”

“ Holy motherfucking shit, Rune !”

My hands closed around my mouth. Rune chuckled in my ear, but I was too distracted by this fucking kingdom made out of gold in front of me to feel anything about it.

My God, it was nothing at all like I imagined, nothing like any place in Verenthia had been until now. It was an entire city made of gold and I couldn’t even blink as I took in all the details.

Pillars held up this wide bridge that began at the edge of a forest, over water that didn’t glow, snaking its way all around the outer walls of the Court. The pillars were dressed in gold, and so was the bridge. It led to these wide stairs that ended with large gates, also made out of gold.

Beyond them, from what I could see from the high wall, were just rooftops of houses, white and golden. Ahead in the distance was a castle with a million towers, gleaming golden, reaching so high it probably touched the sky, and the entire place was full of golden lights floating in the air, possibly every few feet.

Flames burned on large torches atop the wall that went so far and so wide I couldn’t see the ends of it. It was massive, so much bigger than I’d imagined, and it looked unreal. A place pulled out of a dream.

But then I looked in the distance on the other side, and I saw more colors in the dark, far, far away. They burned orange and white and blue, if my eyes could see properly. They kind of looked like the aurora borealis in my world, though I’d never seen it in real life, just pictures on the Internet.

“That’s the Midnight Court,” said Rune when he saw me looking, his voice lower, full of emotion. “Next to it is the Unseelie Court, and between them and the Seelie Court is the Frozen Court.”

I nodded. “The Court of the Queen you didn’t kill.” Because I’d die before anybody could convince me otherwise. I’d fucking die.

Rune kissed the back of my head and hugged me to his chest from behind. “You’re one of a kind, wildling. In your world and mine.”

My toes curled and I leaned my head to the side, held on to his forearms over my chest.

I’m all yours, I thought but couldn’t say it. Not yet.

“I’m ready, Rune,” I said instead. “I’m ready to put this journey behind us for good and heal the prince.”

Another kiss on my head. “Then climb on my back, and I’ll take you there.”

“I don’t need to—I can walk,” I said, but Rune shook his head.

“It’s safer if I carry you. The terrain is slippery and steep.”

It really was—the rock where we were standing was really high, almost as high as those stairs over the bridge that led to the Seelie Court. It continued farther on the other side where I couldn’t even see in the dark. It was vast, the surface uneven, full of sharp edges—and a hole somewhere in the middle where tendrils of smoke were slowly coming out.

“Is that…”

“Yes,” Rune said. “That’s where we came out. The water is still boiling.”

“How long?”

“About an hour ago.”

“Well, fuck.” That part I hadn’t really thought through. I’d been busy trying to make it out alive.

“Come on, Wildcat.” Rune stepped in front of me and turned his back. “Hop on. We still have a little way to go.”

Taking in a deep breath, I looked up at the sky again and prayed—I wasn’t sure what for specifically, just that everything ended well and there were no more surprises on the way.

Then, I pulled up the skirt of my dress and climbed on Rune’s back, locked my arms and legs around him tightly.

He turned his head to the side. “Comfortable?”

I kissed his cheek with my whole heart. “You’re the most comfortable horse I’ve ever ridden.”

Laughter, pure and loud came out of him, unlike any sound I’d ever heard before. It filled me up with energy like I’d slept for weeks and had just eaten the feast of my life.

“I’m honored, Wildcat,” he said and leaned down to kiss my forearm that was over his shoulder. My heart all but burst into fireworks. “Hold on tight.”

And so, Rune carried me all the way to that bridge on his back without another word.