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twenty-six

“You have to stay here while I go get you food,” Rune said.

I looked around at the forest that had gotten way too dark so suddenly—and it was still only twilight—and decided, “You know what? I am actually not that hungry.”

Unfortunately for me, Rune could see right through my bullshit. “If not now, you will be in a couple of hours. And I need to find a horse and a carriage as well.”

“Then I’ll just come with you.” Because as nice as a carriage sounded, I wasn’t going to stay here near a forest that looked like it was crawling with dark things I didn’t even want to think about. The nearest building at the edge of this town was fifteen feet away—that was way too far.

“You can’t. People have been noticing you, whispering questions. It’s safer if you wait here. These woods are harmless,” Rune said, smiling sneakily.

“ Harmless? I beg to differ,” I said because those trees looked evil in the dark, like they were hiding wolves and snakes, and even fucking Bigfoot was in there somewhere, waiting to jump me.

“Wildcat, I know you’re afraid, but?—”

My dramatic gasp cut him off. “ Afraid? ” I screeched. “How dare you. I am not afraid, you despicable, arrogant fae-prick.” Pressing my finger to his chest, I said, “I am terrified .”

Which was the absolute truth.

Rune squeezed his eyes shut and smiled. Actually smiled all the way.

His lips stretched to the sides, and I saw all of his teeth, white and the canines just slightly crooked and perfect.

My heart stopped beating—and I’m not even exaggerating.

But he was good at controlling himself, which was honestly making me kind of envious, so he pulled his lips inside his mouth the very next second until the urge to smile passed.

Still, I did that. I made him smile like that, and it felt like one of the biggest accomplishments of my life because I was that lame right now.

But damn. This guy was playing with my poor heart.

“I’ll tell you what,” he whispered as he leaned in closer and raised a fist to my face. “I’ll leave you in good company.”

Rune opened his fingers slowly to reveal a bird made out of white light that was looking up at me as it sat there in the palm of his hand. It was small and cute and so perfect it hurt.

Damn you, despicable fae.

Did I mention how well he played with my heart?

I grabbed his wrist and held it there, analyzing the little bird with the wings only half spread, like it wasn’t sure whether to take off flying yet or not. It looked exactly like a nightingale made out of glowing light, and it was so easy to forget that it was just magic while it moved its tiny head to the sides curiously. Exactly like a real bird would do.

“I’ve been working on the details,” Rune said in a whisper. “There were a lot of nightingales in the forest near your home. I figured you’d like it.”

Like it?

I absolutely did not like this—I loved it. Lived for it. Would probably make this moment my entire life—but I did not simply like it.

However, to actually say these things required voice, and apparently my traitorous body had decided to withhold it from me for the moment, so all I did was look up at him and try to tell him with my eyes.

My God, he was so beautiful with only the light of the bird falling on his face like that. His eyes seemed more silver than ever, and the way he was looking at me made my knees weak. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and kiss him with my everything more than I wanted to breathe right now. I thought I needed him before, but now I craved him. Now, he had suddenly become my lifeline.

How much longer would I have to hold myself back like this? Because this was torture.

“Well, do you?”

Those two words broke whatever ice had taken over my brain and turned me into a mute zombie.

“Yes,” I breathed, and I begged God and whatever star could hear me in this place right now that he’d kiss me. That he’d close the tiny distance between us and bring those lips to mine so I could feel him again.

“I’ll be right back,” Rune said instead, and with one sad, lingering look at my parted lips, he stepped back. Turned around and walked away toward the town. Left me there with the little bird that was flying right in front of my face.

Instinctively, I raised my hand to it, and it sat on my palm right away. Moved the little beak made out of light, though no sound came out of it.

Tears pricked the back of my eyes and I was also smiling at the same time. I had no idea what the hell was happening to me, but now I was terrified for real. Not by whatever hid in that forest at my back or the darkening sky—but by the fact that everything was slowly losing color in my life while Rune gained more and more.

So, I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath and I reminded myself that it was just hormones. I was ovulating or whatever. I didn’t need Rune—I didn’t need anyone at all except my family. That’s exactly what I thought about—Fiona and Dad and Betty, who were probably worried sick about me, who were waiting for me to come back.

I imagined what it would be like when I saw them again, hugged them. When I told them about everything I’d seen here, about the monkey monsters and the fae and Tuck and Tucker and the maze market, when I showed Betty my dress. When I told them about the house at the edge of the cliff where I’d eaten breakfast, and the colorful leaves hanging on trees.

When I told them about Rune.

My insides squeezed as if I suddenly had a hand inside me, crushing my heart in its fist, because…

When I told my family about Rune, I’d be a world away from him. I’d be in a different realm.

When I went back home, I was never going to see him again.

And that thought brought bile to my throat so suddenly, I had to put a hand over my mouth in case I actually threw up. Even the little bird was startled and flew off my hand instantly but stayed only a few inches away.

“I’m in trouble, aren’t I,” I asked it. “I’m in so much trouble, little guy.” And something told me that I didn’t even realize how much trouble I was talking about yet.

A thought occurred to me. “What if I leave on my own?” Who was going to know who I was if I wore this cloak and hood all the time?

“No, that won’t work,” I said a moment later. The bird flew up and down as if he was nodding in agreement. I didn’t know the first thing about how far the Seelie Court was or even in which direction to go. That—and who knew what other kinds of creatures I could come across until I made it there?

No, I wasn’t going anywhere—and that had nothing to do with the fact that just the thought of not seeing Rune again made me want to throw up. Not even a little bit.

And on top of everything, I could have sworn I heard howling coming from the forest behind me.

Faces of wolves I’d only ever seen in books and movies took over my mind instantly. That, paired with the fact that I was slowly but surely getting overwhelmed by my own contradictory feelings, and I had enough.

“Let’s just take a little walk. We won’t go far,” I told the bird, and I shot forward in the direction Rune had gone, back to the town where at least there were creatures I’d seen before, was familiar with. Because, yes, the Vale where the werewolves lived was supposed to be on the other side of the continent, but I’d heard a damn howl. Whether it had been in my head or not didn’t matter—I was walking away from that forest.

And I didn’t even have to go very far before I heard someone speaking.

The bird stayed with me, flew right next to my head so there was plenty of light for me to see where I was going and not trip and fall on my face. I planned to go the same way Rune had gone, but then I heard that voice, and it was loud, and I stopped to hear what it was saying because I was curious.

I really, really shouldn’t have.

A man was talking— screaming his guts out at someone. “… good for nothing horseshit! You’re worthless, you’re completely worthless—I rue the day the stars put you in my path! ”

My stomach fell. I held my breath, and even the bird held its wings out for a second as we waited…

“ I’m-I’m-I’m so sorry, Sire. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

This voice was small, and whoever was apologizing was also crying. He was terrified.

I moved even before I’d realized what the hell I was doing. The voices were coming from somewhere to the right. I found them between two narrow buildings, standing near the other end. The lights of the street secured in those glass balls fell on both of them—one was tall, so slim his limbs could be made out of tree branches, and the other was tiny, just a little guy who probably didn’t even reach up to my knees. But he wasn’t a kid—he was a gnome. We’d seen those in the Neutral Lands before, but they had their own territory in Verenthia, so Rune had said they didn’t come to Cloakwood often.

This guy had, though. I had no idea how, but he’d come here and now he was leaning against a wooden piece that could have been a bench extending from the side of the building. They were far to the other side, very close to the main street, so I couldn’t see details very well. All I could see was that the tall guy had his fists raised in the air, and he was cursing the gnome in all kinds of twisted ways.

I should have cut off your head the very first day —was one of the nicer ones.

You are an imbecile, a shame to your race, to all of Verenthia.

One job I ask of you—one job, and you fail so miserably. Why has Emer punished me with you—why?!

“It’s none of my business,” I told the bird flying beside me as I stretched my neck more and more to see better.

“…skin you alive and feed you to the chicken,” the tall man said, but it wasn’t him that I cared about—he could scream all he wanted. It was the gnome that was giving strength to the anger inside me more and more.

The way he held up his hands and tried to become one with that piece of wood behind him—and he was shaking. I could see all the way from here that he was shaking as he apologized over and over again.

In him, I saw myself, saw the many times I’d been beaten up in school by older students—because those in my class I could handle just fine. Until I started hanging out with Betty, I was slapped and thrown against walls and locked up in bathroom stalls quite regularly, among other things, and to this day hearing loud voices and witnessing any kind of physical violence made me lose control. I could hardly handle myself when watching movies.

And just like I told the bird, I knew it wasn’t any of my business. I knew where I was and what those things were—well, I knew that small one was a gnome but had no idea about the screamer—but I couldn’t help it. Cursing under my breath, I made my way in the darkness that the bird illuminated as it flew together with me, until I was about halfway to the other side.

“Hey!” I called.

The tall guy had been in the process of shaking his finger at the gnome, telling him that he wasn’t going to give him food for seven days and seven nights to pay for his mistake, and that he should feel lucky he was being generous about it.

That’s the word he used—generous.

They both turned to look at me.

“Why don’t you leave the poor guy alone? You don’t have to be so damn rude, mister.”

When I was close enough to see both men’s faces, I realized that they were looking at the bird more than they were looking at me.

And the tall man straightened up.

Fucking hell, he was possibly as tall as Rune, though his shoulders could have been half the size. His hands were so thin and his feet, too—who even made those leather shoes for him to wear? His clothes, as well. Grey and stained and a mess—just like his greasy-looking dark hair. His round nose glistened with what could have been sweat (or maybe not) and his wide eyes were almost entirely red with rage.

“Who are you? Show yourself at once, I say! ” Now he was shaking his finger at me.

The gnome screamed a little, then started to run toward the light and the street, turning the corner and disappearing from our sight in seconds. Good. This guy could take it out on me.

“I am showing myself to you, asshole. That’s no way to speak to anyone. Give it a rest. He was scared shitless,” I said, and I was trying to be nice here. I really was.

But the guy leaned in closer, eyes squinted as he tried to see my face. I was wearing the hood, sure, but light fell on my face both from the street and the bird flying beside me, so he would see it. I was sure he would, and it occurred to me that I maybe should have tried to hide it better. After all, I was a mortal, a stranger in this realm, and if anybody knew who I was…

“Remove those shadows at once—let me see who you are!”

Shadows, he said. Remove those shadows.

Shadows that I had no idea I even had on me, nor did I feel them. Shadows that Rune had undoubtedly left with me, and it was quite possible that he’d somehow done it through the bird that was flying so close to me now.

A smile stretched my lips. Smooth, Mr. Moody.

“No. I can’t do that,” I said to the man and cleared my throat. “Let’s just…let’s just be nice , okay? Stop screaming at gnomes like that. You don’t have be rude. Really.”

The way he looked at me. His left eye twitched and his fists were shaking. He said, “Walk away and don’t come near me again, you vile little thing.”

I gasped—this time for real.

“I can do whatever I want with my property!” And he pressed his index finger to his own chest.

I took a step closer. “Property? That’s a living being, you jerk. Why don’t you pick on someone your own size, huh?” I spit.

“If you don’t walk away right now, you will regret it. I swear it on both Reme and Emer. No matter what you are, you will regret it.”

This fucker.

I pushed the sides of the cloak back and raised my fists. “Oh, I beg to differ. It’s you who’s going to regret being a dick. C’mon, give me your best shot.”

I could handle him. Fuck this guy—I’d beaten bigger kids than me back in the day. A fist under the jaw was going to slam his tiny brain against his skull and he was going to pass out right away.

And I believed that. I kid you not—I actually believed that.

The man looked about to explode in anger. I waited for him to jump me, eyes wide open and ears sharp. I saw his slightly pointy chin and made my plan of action, and the man was vibrating now where he stood and watched me.

And finally, he stepped aside.

“ I’ll show you ,” I thought he muttered, and while I held my fists up still, he walked all around me and toward the back of the buildings, toward the black forest that had scared me shitless just moments ago.

Holy fuck, I couldn’t believe my luck.

The guy was actually walking away.

I smiled, laughed a little. “See that, little guy?” I told the bird. “Yeah, that’s right! Walk away, you walking coat rack! And be careful—the wind might pick you up and blow you far away!”

Maybe I did feel slightly bad for calling him a coat rack, but he had it coming. And when he made it to the back of the buildings, he turned once and looked at me. His hatred transacted darkness and distance, and I felt it right there against my skin. Hot and alive.

Slowly, I moved backward until the light of the street fell on me, just to be on the safe side. But the man didn’t come back—he just went right ahead and toward the trees, and then he started to climb the first and tallest one near him. If my eyes hadn’t been on him, and if he hadn’t been wearing light grey clothes, I’d have never seen him.

“Holy shit—do you see that? He’s climbing the tree!” I said, a dumbfounded smile on my face, and I wasn’t even afraid to show it. Because apparently whatever Rune had done to me, people couldn’t see my face, and for the moment, I felt so free. I hadn’t realized just how much pressure I’d had on my shoulders until now.

People watched me, raised their brows at my face. I almost tripped and fell on the cloak—it was way too long for me—but nobody laughed or said a single thing to me. The road wasn’t paved like in most places in Cloakwood we’d passed because we were in the outskirts of this town, Rune said, very close to the borders. The dust and dirt had made a mess out of my sneakers, but my dress was clean, so I wasn’t complaining.

And the tall guy continued to climb that tree until he was at the very top.

“I can’t believe it,” I said to the bird, still flying right next to my head, and my smile fell a little.

Hold on a minute…

“I really can’t believe that a creature like that would run away from me and climb a tree just to get away, little guy. Do you?”

Shadows or no shadows, I wasn’t big or muscular. As much as I hated to admit it, I didn’t really invoke fear in anyone I ever spoke to. Not even a little bit.

Which made the entire situation feel extremely off all of a sudden, and I looked around, at the people who had noticed the man atop that tree, and they’d actually stopped to look up at him stretching out his hand somewhere to the west. I couldn’t see very well—the moon was barely there and the sky was pretty dark, but I could’ve sworn that he was talking, too. He was talking to the damn sky.

“What the…”

“Nilah?”

I turned, heart in my throat, to find Rune turning the corner at the end of the road I was in with the reins of a black horse in his hand and a bag in the other.

Then the people started whispering. The people started pointing at the tree, at the man atop of it, and I wanted to scream my guts out at them— what? What is it? He was just afraid of me and he ran—go back to your lives!

Except that man had never been afraid of me. Quite the contrary.

And Rune saw him.

The next moment, everything moved in slow motion for me. Something fell over my shoulders—something invisible and incredibly heavy. Rune let go of the bag and the reins of the horse, and he started running toward me, eyes wide open and mouth moving—he was trying to say something. I couldn’t hear it, though. My ears were acting like I was underwater, and I looked up at the man on the tree again, trying to understand what was happening.

But the moment I saw him with both hands toward the sky, something wrapped around my arms and crushed them to the sides of my torso.

A small scream escaped me. Sound filled my ears again.

Rune was almost to me, moving much faster than should have been possible, shouting, “ Run!”

Run.

He wanted me to run.

I turned around and I tried. I urged my body to move with all my strength, but my legs were so heavy. I couldn’t move my arms at all, and the more people gathered around me, pointing their fingers at me, the more my strength escaped me.

Goddamn it, it was like I was in junior high all over again, going into the school yard while people pointed at me and laughed and called me my own personalized nickname. These people here were creatures with glowing eyes or two heads or wearing animals around their necks—and they were still the same.

But I didn’t realize until it was too late why they were laughing, though.

Until Rune wrapped his hand around my arm and tried to pull me to move faster. Until he was right next to me, and he saw that I couldn’t get my arm away from my torso.

“I’m…I’m…” Freezing, I wanted to say, but I never got the chance.

Someone screamed in laughter. Rune’s eyes were two dark spheres that showed exactly how extra-murderous he was feeling, a second before he leaned in and wrapped his arms around my body.

“Hold on tight,” he said in my ear, and if I could move my jaws, I’d ask him why? Why the hell couldn’t I move and why were these people looking at me and laughing?

I didn’t expect the next moment to last an eternity, though. I didn’t expect the ground underneath my feet to give up and let me go, and I didn’t expect whatever magic was wrapped around me to pull me down as if it wanted to take me straight to whatever hell was under this continent. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t. The world around me disappeared and the sound of the people faded away into nothing.

All I had was Rune.

The warmth of his body, his arms around me kept me in one piece because whatever was pulling me under like that was threatening to tear me apart, too. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t blink, couldn’t think about anything else other than wishing he would continue to hold onto me, to not let go until it was over.

And it wasn’t over for a long time.