Page 31 of Let’s Give ‘Em Pumpkin to Talk About

Seventeen

I t would be selfish for Sadie to say that she’d fuck Josh every night for the sweet, dreamless sleep it gave her, but she had done worse for less.

Under the whirring ceiling fan, his bed was pure bliss.

She might have to walk back that no-sleepovers rule she’d foolishly established, because Josh was a perfect gentleman in his sleep: no snoring, no cuddling, no poking her awake with an erection.

She should have guessed he’d be an angelic sleeper.

She felt a little bad about tying him up before sex because she was afraid he would touch her too tenderly. But it turned out for the best because he was obviously into it. A happy accident. That fact was enough to barrel through the guilty feelings, red rover style, and continue with her day.

She headed outside to tend her pumpkin; Josh was in the patch observing his own. They were all growing so rapidly now, drinking gallons of water and settling into amorphous bean bag chair shapes.

Sadie might have expected some pep in his step, but he moved slowly between the plants, with an unusually bleary look about him. Nothing cold brew couldn’t fix. “Good morning,” he said softly.

She felt shy, somehow. This was what having a boyfriend was like.

Someone you woke up to, someone who said innocuous things like “good morning” and somehow imparted them with extra meaning.

His “good morning” didn’t exactly have a tone that conveyed “you sure slept a long time after that deep dicking I gave you,” but it was in that ballpark and she didn’t like it.

Ceiling fan be damned: no sleepovers.

It took all of one minute to walk back to the garage, and she committed herself to mustering that strength no matter how good the sex.

But she’d encounter him here, in the pumpkin patch, regardless of where she slept. Time to think up a new schedule. He probably had routines set by all his sensors and computers; she was free of all that.

She worked in the slightly tense silence, like a student guarding her test papers from prying eyes.

She even mixed her fertilizer, a perfect re-creation of Stu’s own recipe, out of Josh’s sight.

She’d sooner eat her entire giant pumpkin than lose the weigh-off by being sloppy about keeping her secrets.

Pumpkin business managed for the morning, Sadie showered and wandered into the kitchen to fix some breakfast. Thankfully Josh had disarmed his fucking kitchen, and the silverware drawer that hung open after she’d grabbed a spoon hadn’t attacked.

Josh sat at the table smiling, not as wide as he was able, a smudge of dirt on his cheek and exhaustion in his eyes.

Before him sat two glasses of cold brew with plumes of cream stretching down through the raft of ice on top. He gestured for her to sit.

“Black but sweet next time,” she said.

“Like your soul, yeah?”

She scowled.

“Good time to talk?” he asked.

That was a phrase that would send a bolt of panic through anyone. “Sure?”

“So things are moving pretty fast…” he began.

Oh shit, he was sick of her already. “Oh.”

She steeled herself for whatever came next. It couldn’t be worse than anything she’d already been told about herself. That she wasn’t nice enough or open enough or attentive enough to keep around. Never enough.

“…with Go Hog Wild,” he finished.

“Oh,” she said loudly, pulling herself out of her nosedive.

Josh dropped his head and covered his face with his hands. “Oh goodness. I didn’t mean for that to sound so ominous. Sorry, I’m a little out of it.”

Then he yawned. She began to relax. He wasn’t here to break her heart; he was here to make good on a promise. A warm feeling replaced the wave of panic. Still. Josh wasn’t quite himself.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Fine, why?”

“You look tired, and I’m worried you’re too polite to tell me that I drooled on you or kicked you in your sleep or something.”

“I would have to sleep for you to kick me in my sleep,” he said.

Her eyebrows shot up. “You didn’t sleep? Like at all?”

“Sorry, that was rude,” Josh said.

Once again, she regretted the decision to suspend the no-sleepovers rule. “Because you’re not yourself,” Sadie said. “Who wouldn’t be grouchy after no sleep?”

“It’s fine,” Josh reassured her. “Haven’t you ever slept poorly when there was someone new in your bed?”

Sadie struggled to remember the last time she’d had anyone sleep in her bed. That no-sleepovers rule was not a new one for her, though she was rarely explicit about it. “Is it because of the television?”

Josh winced and she knew her answer. This was another strike against her.

She couldn’t close drawers to his satisfaction and she couldn’t fall asleep to his preferred noises.

There was something about her that other people couldn’t deal with, even her own family, which was why she liked living alone. She didn’t need any of this.

“Remember I said no sleepovers?” she asked. “Next time, let’s try not to break the rules. Sleep deprivation is no good.”

Josh nodded and took another sip of coffee.

“The hogs?” she reminded him.

He brightened. “Right! PJ, who holds a free law clinic at the library, solved our problem. They’re a genius.”

Was something going right for once? She could scarcely believe it.

Josh continued. “It’s so simple, I can’t believe it didn’t come up already. The property got annexed into the town last year, which means they’re now subject to a twenty-four-hour noise ordinance.”

“So every gunshot,” Sadie began.

“A fine for every single one. Habitual violations elevate to a criminal offense, not that it’s going to get that far,” Josh said. He was sitting higher in his seat than before and his eyes had regained some luster. This man positively got high on solving puzzles.

The rest was obvious. “And you’d automatically submit complaints with your army of robots.”

“A trivial task for my army.” Like his kitchen cabinet booby traps.

“So what’s next?”

“Zach’s coming over for coffee in an hour. Care to reunite with your ex?”

When Josh first offered to vanquish the hogs for Sadie, she opted out of all the involvement.

But this, she had to witness. Not only was she curious to see her high school beau after so many years, but how devious or menacing could Josh Thatcher be?

He was too jovial, too eager to please. Did he have another side?

Sadie got dressed and returned to the kitchen with her handwork and another glass of coffee. The small circular loom Esther had given her when they met was a surprising source of inspiration, along with the cordage the two of them crafted from foraged fibers during the last market day.

As she awaited the showdown between Zach and Josh, she wove strands of yucca, rattlesnake master, milkweed, and dogbane into a coaster-sized circle. The fibers were all a pale straw color. If she gathered shiny dandelion stems and cattail leaves, she could add colors to her palette.

While she wove, her anxieties waned. Working with her hands was a reliable way to calm her restless mind.

Josh wasn’t holding one bad night of sleep against her.

She could chill out. She could enjoy avenging the death of her father’s pumpkins.

And she could sink into weaving in the meantime.

These materials were simultaneously special, because they were painstakingly handcrafted, and omnipresent, because they grew so readily.

They were familiar, but felt new after so many years away from them. Like the farm. Like Pea Blossom.

Her enthusiasm for this weaving surely meant her next idea was in her hands.

This was play, but before long she would know what she wanted to say with these fibers.

Her most personally fulfilling art involved distilling familiar feelings.

Perhaps working with common plants could be remaking the familiar in a different way, through transformation.

Luckily, there was plenty of yucca to be found in California.

Whatever concept she established here would translate.

Pea Blossom could inspire her without trapping her; it was perfect.

When Zach clomped in wearing boots and a hat straight off the set of a low-budget drama about Texas oil tycoons, she set aside her artistic anxieties. Predictably, Zach looked at her as if she were a ghost. Just as she’d hoped.

“Sadie Fox?”

Josh smoothed things over, as was his way. “Sadie is staying here for a while, because of the tornado.”

“Sorry about that,” Zach said with dazed formality.

“That’s not what you should be apologizing for,” Josh said with a tone that made Sadie a little feral. Maybe he did have it in him, after all.

“Uh,” Zach stammered, “with wildlife, there’s always a chance, um, you know, it’s wild and everything…”

Josh batted his words out of the air like flies, and then gestured to the table. Zach dutifully sat opposite Sadie. Josh presented him with a glass of cold brew, and Zach looked at it like he might need to test it for poison. Josh took the seat next to her.

“I’m going to be frank with you, Zach,” Josh said. His manner wasn’t exactly stern, but more like a skilled salesman who’d mastered the balance between pushiness and friendliness. “You’re not going to be opening Go Hog Wild.”

Zach shrank in his seat. “What do you mean? I’ll get better fencing for the property line, I swear.”

“That fencing doesn’t keep out noise.”

“Noise?” Zach said. Josh was going to have to spell this all out. Zach wasn’t one to pick up on subtleties, if Sadie’s high school memories served.

“The sound of a gunshot is loud enough to violate the town’s noise ordinance. And no one on the town council is about to relax the rules just for you.”

Oh shit, he probably checked.

“I checked,” Josh noted.

Fuck, Josh was thorough. Was there anything sexier than a thorough person?

Josh took a long sip from his coffee. Zach hadn’t touched his. “Let me show you how it works.”

Josh ceremoniously opened his laptop in front of Zach like an obsequious waiter. When Sadie remarked how trivial it would be to build an automated widget to register noise complaints, Josh didn’t say he’d already done it.

“You sit here and watch the screen,” Josh said to Zach. To Sadie he said, “You sit there and look beautiful.” He winked at her, fucking winked, and walked outside. Not once in her life had she found a wink charming until now.

Without warning, Josh’s falsetto rendition of the bop of the past summer assaulted their eardrums at a bone-rattling volume. He must have bought a bullhorn. What was more surprising, that his wink gave her a frisson of excitement or that she found his bullhorn caterwauling oddly romantic?

Zach shot daggers at Sadie. “I didn’t know he was going to do that,” she said defensively. She’d done nothing to earn that glare and now she was readier than ever to ruin this guy’s life.

Josh came back inside. “Was that loud enough?”

He peered over Zach’s shoulder and pointed at the computer screen.

“Sure was. That’s the complaint form on the city’s website all filled out automatically, complete with time signature and decibel level.

You’re welcome to submit it if you like, Zach,” Josh said.

“I clearly violated the ordinance and I’ll pay my five hundred dollars.

It didn’t autosubmit it this time, but that’s just one more line of code. ”

Zach became a melting snowman of a person, pathetic as could be. “What am I supposed to do, Josh? My wife and I poured all our savings into Go Hog Wild. It’s almost ready to open. We’re supposed to close it down? And do what?”

While Sadie would be tempted to say That’s not my problem , or Serves you and Gir-aphne right for neglecting your due diligence , or simply Get fucked, asshole , Josh wasn’t so heartless.

“You send the hogs back to wherever they came from, or you cull them. And then you pivot, or you sell the property. If you need help, I can find you a buyer inside of a week. Or heck, I’ll buy the property myself.”