Page 11 of Let’s Give ‘Em Pumpkin to Talk About

“She did. Like more than what I’ve made in the past five years total.

” While some people might express contempt for devoting her talents to a soulless project for a soulless person, Grace wouldn’t judge.

She would understand that the project was going to steer Sadie’s career in a good direction. Or at least a profitable one.

“I bought her line of undergarments to wear on my wedding day, you know.”

“What’s the verdict?” Sadie asked.

“You’ll never know because you don’t want to watch the wedding video,” Grace teased.

“I’m sure you were sleek and sexy, like a bridal panther,” Sadie assured her.

“She’s also about to launch a line of baby-safe makeup.”

Sadie was glad she took a bunch of this woman’s money. “That’s incredibly fucked-up.”

“She’s breaking the silence around baby acne, she says,” Grace explained.

They were both laughing when the sound of a horse’s hooves clopping on the road pulled their attention.

Sadie turned in her seat to see Josh and his horse walking lazily by.

She was mesmerized by the way Josh’s hips rolled to keep him steady in the saddle.

Could it be that playing Zelda or whatever taught video game nerds how to ride horses for real?

And look so good doing it? When he gave a little salute to them both and said, “Ladies,” she felt herself blushing.

She gave a quick wave and turned back to Grace.

Grace, too, had pink spots on her cheeks. She leaned into Sadie and whispered, “It’s not wrong to have a harmless crush on another man even though I’m a married woman, is it?”

Sadie’s heart jumped into her throat. “I don’t know anything about being married, but I do believe that harmless crushes are a natural part of life at any stage.”

“Phew,” said Grace, leaning back and taking a long sip from her iced tea. “I sure hope you’re right, because I swear, that man is fueling many sordid fantasies in this little town.”

Sadie leaned back to get another look at Josh. He swung his leg over the saddle and hopped off Shadowfax with practiced grace. “Eh, he’s someone’s idea of a good time, I suppose.”

“His name is Josh and he’s your next-door neighbor,” Grace explained.

Sadie debated saying that they were already acquainted.

That she’d already spent an entire day with him.

How he had capable hands and liked terrible pop music.

But she was not about to let slip that he might be her idea of a good time.

Josh was wearing a Western shirt with pearl snaps, and she had the sudden urge to pop them open slowly, one by one, and see what that smile looked like then. Instead of confessing any of that, she decided to pry for whatever inside information Grace possessed.

“Ah, Josh,” she said. “Stu might have mentioned him.”

“Oh I’m sure. Josh is your dad’s buddy. And he’s rich, too.

Kyle heard it has something to do with phone apps.

You wouldn’t even know he’s rich except he bought a 3D printer and a laser cutter for the kids at my library after one of the teachers mentioned to him that he wished they had more access to technology.

One of the women in my book club buys squashes from him at the farmers market and then gives them to me.

She doesn’t even like squash. But Josh knows her name and what she always gets, and she can’t stop now. It’s that smile that does you in.”

“I don’t like squash either,” Sadie said.

“I bet you’d like his.” Grace raised her eyebrows at her own double entendre.

Sadie faked a gag. “But he’s single? Likes women?” She tried to say those words with the weight of the downiest feathers, the airiest foam. As if she wasn’t already quite sure of the answer.

Grace leaned in close. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Sadie continued to act cool and disaffected. She was practiced at it, after all. “I need small-town gossip. LA is too big.”

Grace bought it. “My book club meets at the public library, and before one of our meetings, he was there, fucking browsing the catalog on the computer right outside our meeting room, like a regular patron.”

“He is a regular patron,” Sadie replied. Would someone that friendly and outgoing be really giving in bed? she wondered. Is that what she’d been missing all this time?

“You know what I mean. Everyone saw him on their way in. We never even got around to discussing the book that month. One person blurted out their crush and then everyone had to confess theirs and share stories about encounters with him. But none of them were single, too bad for him.”

Was it petty that Sadie wanted to know who had designs on Josh, even if they were supposedly in committed relationships? But what was Pea Blossom good for if not some small-town gossip?

“Who gives you the squashes?”

“Daphne, from your grade. She must not get enough attention from her dud of a husband that she has to get it from Josh. Kind of pathetic… Oh wait, didn’t you go out with that dude?”

“Zach Huber? My high school ex-boyfriend married my fucking grade school nemesis?”

Grace’s eyes bugged to comic proportions. “Excuse me, your nemesis?”

Sadie felt the righteous flames of anger warming her. “In second grade she told me I was so fat that I was going to break all the playground equipment. So I got her back, in my way.”

Grace clapped her hands in glee and then she settled in, her chin propped on her hands in a gesture of intense interest. “I’m listening!”

“She had one notebook with a unicorn on it and another one with a giraffe. I told her they were so cool and I also liked mythical creatures. She said giraffes were real. And I assured her they weren’t.

I said they were my second-favorite mythical creature, after unicorns, but before griffins and dragons.

I even made up an origin story, something about a zebra fucking an ostrich, I think. ”

“No way.”

“Way! She asked about the pictures in our science books, and I said they were super realistic illustrations, like the pictures of dinosaurs.”

“And she believed you?”

“Fast-forward to a middle school field trip to the Indianapolis Zoo.”

Grace slapped the table. “No.”

“She made an absolute fool of herself in front of the whole class when she saw the giraffes in real life. Got called Gir-aphne until high school graduation.”

Grace howled with laughter. “Not Gir-aphne! Professionally, I can’t endorse name-calling, but I’m making an exception for that fucking clown.

I don’t foresee Josh breaking up that marriage anytime soon.

But he may have to break up someone’s marriage to get a date, given how few single people there are around here.

Or get in a long-distance relationship with someone from Indy. ”

“Sucks for him.” Fucking noted.

“Sucks for me that I have a crush. A harmless crush,” Grace repeated to herself. “Harmless. I have a wonderful and fulfilling marriage. I must be ovulating or something. I should start keeping track now that I’ve stopped birth control.”

Sadie marveled that she was related to someone who was actively trying to procreate.

“Congrats on that, I guess.” But she understood Grace’s reaction.

Bob had taken photographs of Josh and the big orange ball of paint using her phone, and she definitely hadn’t deleted them.

Or spent any time zoomed in on his face, admiring his bold eyebrows and the wide, slightly lopsided smile that showed all his teeth.

She definitely didn’t watch the time-lapse video either, imagining him running a paintbrush over her body as tenderly as he had over that fucking ball of paint. Not for one second.

“You’ll meet him soon enough when you start vending at the farmers market,” Grace said. “You in the mood for a fling?”

It was a good reminder of her non-pumpkin obligations. “I have a lot on my plate, you know.”

“Sure, that’s why it should be him. Couldn’t beat him for convenience.”

“Don’t push your crushes onto me, Grace,” Sadie said, scowling over the rim of her coffee mug.

The cup was hand thrown by a local potter and stamped with the coffee shop’s logo. It made her want to weave coordinating place mats to enhance the local artisan vibe. It was the first artistic impulse she’d had in months. Maybe it was a good idea to take a break from California.

But she had more celebrities and high-profile people reaching out to her agent, and she needed to consider her next move carefully.

Grace interrupted her textile reverie. “I don’t think I need to push my crushes onto you. When he rode by, he looked at you like he wanted to take a bite.”