Page 14

ELI

I need to get away. I need to get away from her. I have snapped. I fucking pushed her into the fridge, sending her to the floor where she cut her hand open on broken glass. All because I couldn’t control my rage.

My bike rips through the small country roads, heading towards the freeway. I can’t hear anything over my pounding heart and screaming thoughts. The Red by Chevelle, blares inside my helmet speakers.

I almost killed him.

I really hurt Brook. What the fuck did I do? I hardly remember anything but the pounding in my ears. It’s all a blur. His hands touching her...her yelling for him to stop when he wouldn’t let go. It just sent me over the edge. Everything went dark at that moment. So fast.

I know he wants her. I know he is fucking obsessed with the thought of her. I heard what he said about me. It’s all true. So, why am I so pissed off? He painted the perfect picture of me. I am the monster he portrays. The demon that will ruin her. Maybe that is what I was trying to show her.

That she would be safer with a normal, mentally stable guy like him. I let her see the true devil that lays under my skin tonight. Its brutal, poisonous claws that sunk deep into Chase’s neck. My fucking hand is shooting up blaring pain through my arm. Definitely broke some bones in my knuckles.

The rage and darkness are still vibrating through my veins. The farther away I get from her, the better. I was a fucking fool to believe I could be anything less than a fucking animal with her. I am sure she is probably terrified of me now.

Her Aunt would surely never want her to be with someone like me. My shadows have finally accomplished their twisted plans. That I would stay utterly alone in this world. To stay in their full control. The sick games they play with me. Pain and power are all that consumes me.

I need to get far, far away. I can’t let myself snap like that on her again. It is too hard to control. She is an innocent angel that my inner shadows want. They aim to drag her down into hell with me. When my beast takes over, all I see is red. She kissed me. That one act of her soft lips on mine, broke that hold. Her light beamed into my darkness like a lighthouse in the middle of a dark storm. She broke that hold so easily.

The hold I could never escape on my own. She must know the effect she has on me. To break through my rage so easily. That...I can’t allow it. I can’t afford to show any weakness, because I know that even if she can break it, it will never go away.

I can’t allow her goodness to provoke that darkness that lies embedded deep in my soul. I can’t let her in. If I do, she will never escape me.

Hitting the freeway, I kick my R1 into sixth gear, and fly. Weaving in and out of the blurring cars, I scream at the top of my lungs. The adrenaline pumping through my veins is the only thing keeping me from turning back around and ending what I started. I fly like death isn’t an issue.

That if this is the way I go out, then so be it. I will gladly meet the reaper and give him my middle finger and smile. Fuck that guy. I will take his job.

Catching a pair of red and blue lights behind me, I crank my bike up on one wheel, and speed off in between cars, making my way to two semi-trucks. I split through them, letting my hands spread out to touch both trucks, gliding them on the cold metal beds.

I pass through them both, then take the next exit and speed down the quiet back road. I see the lights fly by on the freeway behind me. I laugh and continue down the deserted road.

I pull into a gas station grabbing smokes and a pack of beer. I crack one open and let the fizzy wheat taste slide down my throat, chugging it fully. My phone has been vibrating off and on for the past hour. I check to see, and it’s Dane. I don’t want to fucking hear it. I know I went too far.

I fucked up, but he fucking put his hands on her and tried to sway her away from me. Probably for his chance to get his own fucking dick wet. I was on my fourth beer and sixth cigarette when my phone went off again. The morning sun is starting to peek its way up behind the sleeping mountains. I decided to answer.

“What?” I say in a low growl, blowing smoke out of my mouth from the lit cigarette that hangs off my lips.

“Fuck, man!” Dane’s voice trembles on the line. “Dude, where the fuck are you? Are you okay? What the fuck happened!”

Taking a deep breath, and after I exhale, I answer, “I’m fine. I just needed to get away.” Thinking back to Chase, guilt starts to rack into my stomach. “Is Chase okay?” I asked with hesitancy. Even if he had his hands on her, or was warning her about me, he still didn’t deserve that kind of wrath.

“Dude, you almost killed him. But yeah, he is okay. He had hardly any idea of what happened. He left shortly after you, once he calmed down.”

“That’s probably for the best,” I say in an irritated voice. “It’s probably best if he stays away for a while.” I take another sip of my beer and a hit of my smoke.

“Man, what the fuck happened? I love you dude, but you were… gone.” His voice shutters.

“He shouldn’t have touched her,” is all I can make myself say.

“Wait, this is about Brook? What do you mean he touched her?”

Shaking my head I reply, “Just let it fucking go.” Thinking about Brook I ask, “Are they still there?” I don’t even know how I will face her again. I am sure I probably scared the hell out of her. I hope she is long gone.

“Jenny wanted to leave, but Brook refused to. She was too worried about you. So, she is upstairs waiting in your room.”

Fuck! Why was she still there? Why is she so stupid to stay? How can she even bear to be around me now, or want to talk after what she witnessed? “Okay, I am on my way back. Just let me handle this, Dane.” He answers with a quick “okay”, and then hangs up. I take a few more minutes to finish my beer and chuck it to the ground.

Pulling into my driveway, I back my bike up and turn it off. After taking off my helmet, I saw her standing there. Shivering in the cold. Tears line her eyes. She is even more beautiful when she is pissed off.

“What the fuck Eli!” She starts towards me. “So, you almost kill someone, then you just get on your little bike and speed away like a child?” Throwing my hands up in the air, I try to move around her. She is inches from my face, her hands shoving my chest.

“I can’t do this with you right now, Brooklyn.” She stands in my way again, hands placed on my chest.

“No Eli, I want fucking answers!” Her tears fall as loud sobs start to make their way to the surface. “Fucking talk to me!” She moves with me either way I try to get around her.

“Fuck, Brook! What do you want? You want me to open up to you? Is that it? Let you know all my fucking trauma and pain?” Her eyes search mine; I can see there is hurt hidden inside them.

“Let me help, let me in. Please, tell me what happened! What is wrong!” She places her hands again on my chest. “Don’t shut me out, Eli.” Looking down at her, I can’t help the venom that is coming up, the words I know that will damn us both. The demons are waiting and grinning their sharp smiles in the depths.

“You want me to open up to you? You want to help me? You don’t even fucking know me!” She searches my eyes, pain and confusion starting to fill them.

“You think because we have fucked, that because I gave you some pretty little diamonds, that you are all of a sudden, my woman? That I am loyal to you? That I would want anything more from you?” She releases her hands from my chest. “You were just an inexperienced girl I wanted to fuck.”

The next words I release I know will be the end of her and I.

“I should have just stayed with Ashley...she at least knew how to fuck me properly.” A sharp pain sweeps across my face. She slapped me, tears falling like rain from her darkened eyes.

I cringe inside, my words shattering the last pieces of my heart that had remained. The look in her stormy glare makes me want to die. This is what is best. I must let her go. I could have seriously hurt her tonight. Even if I knew I would never lay a conscious hand on her, I can’t risk my blacked-out states not to. If that means I must hurt her to save her, then so be it.

She backs away from me quickly. “Wow. So, this is what it feels like. To have your fucking heart ripped out. I guess Chase was right about you after all.” Now that one really stung. Her tears now stopped falling as her face turned to rage. “Fuck you, Eli!” She says as she turns to walk away.

“No, baby girl, I already did that to you. And God, what a waste of time.” Before I know it, she turns back towards me and kicks me hard in between my legs. I fell to the ground, sucking in breath.

The pain radiates all over my body, my stomach cramps as I feel like I am about to throw up. I know I deserved it. I deserve both. I deserve all the pain that is coming to me for what I did to her.

I wanted to hurt her. Push her away. It’s better this way. I would rather her hate me than love me and be disappointed in what I cannot give her. I feel the diamond bracelet smack into my face as she whips around and runs back to the front door.

I pulled myself up, grabbing the bracelet off the driveway and followed her in. I hear her yelling up to Jenny that she wants to leave. Without skipping a beat, Jenny quickly grabs her purse while she shoots a damning look in my direction.

Walking up to me with rage in her eyes, Jenny says, “You better stay the fuck away from Brook, you disgusting pig.” Grabbing her coat and Brook’s hand, they turn and slam the door behind them. I keep reminding myself it’s for the best. It's good she has such a strong friendship with a woman like Jenny. Someone that I know will be her protector if I cannot.

I can feel Dane’s stare before he even says anything, “Nice fucking job, man.” Before I can turn to him, he is already up the stairs and slams his door behind him. The house falls silent once again.